Name: Nobody Will Tell You This But Me
ISBN: 9780525654711

Bess Kalb

This is a Borzoi book published by Alfred A. Knopf.

A True (as Told to Me) Story

Nobody Will Tell You This But Me

sophia n

well i just cried and then texted my grandma

Cindy Lieberman

A very personal five stars for how much this book resonates with me. Bess Kalb’s grandmother gave her unconditional love and critical advice in equal measures. For me these came (respectively) from my Nana Bea (nicknamed “the candy grandma” by my friend Ann, because her place had covered crystal bowls on almost every surface, each containing a different confection) and from my Nana Sue (the one who smoked, ate only a coffee yogurt for lunch most days, and instructed me to cross my legs at the ankles, not the knees). 

This short book is a retelling of her grandmother’s stories, their shared experiences, emails, phone calls, and family lore. It is comforting, funny, and devastating, as retold and read by the only daughter of the only daughter of the larger-than-life Grandma Bobby. 

But let’s digress for a moment. 
A memorable short story by BJ Novak  imagines a young man getting into heaven who eventually feels guilted by his inner 8-year-old self into going to see his grandmother whom, he imagines, is sitting alone in her apartment’s small kitchen waiting for him to arrive so she can offer him milk and cookies. 

But it turns out that Grandma doesn’t have time for him. She’s in heaven and banging Frank Sinatra, thank you. A young Frank Sinatra! She doesn’t really want to hang out with a whiney child, even her grandson, when she could be out dancing. Let’s face it: she only knew the kid for eight years before she died. Novak’s short story reminded me how little most of us know of our grandparents’ younger selves and, in my case, of my parents’ who both died in their 40s before they had time to tell me and before I had much interest.

Back to the current book, Bess Kalb writes about the end of life she wanted her grandmother to experience. And as the author she writes back to herself in her grandmother’s voice, calling herself out for being too focused on her own desires. Then her grandmother tells us what she wanted at her end and why. 
As I describe it, this no doubt sounds confusing. But it was deftly and poignantly handled by the author. And it broke me. 

Especially now. We’re in our fifth month of quarantine with no physical contact with our young granddaughters. No babysitting. No sleepovers and tea parties. No theatre outings and recitals. No hugs and kisses. I’m grateful every day for having a wonderful daughter-in-law who is both loving and generous: We have frequent virtual dinners and story times all together. Yet, as we see the girls growing taller and hear their expanding vocabularies, we know that we are missing critical months of making lasting memories with them.

Les Reynolds

Took a while to get into it, but was so good. I think I cried through most of the second half of the book.

Lizelle G

Lisa Lindquist 

Duality Diva

Ashley Johnson

**I HAVE NOT BEEN AS PROFOUNDLY MOVED BY A BOOK IN YEARS' JODI PICOULT** A brilliantly original memoir of a grandmother speaking to her granddaughter from beyond the grave, telling the story of her life with hilarious candor and love. Bess Kalb has saved every voicemail message her grandmother - her best friend, her confidante - ever left her until the day she died. In this wildly imaginative memoir, Bobby Bell's voice is still in Bess's head. Stubborn, glamorous, larger than life, she gives Bess critical advice on everything and tells the history that made them both. Beginning with her mother's escape from the pogroms of Belarus in the 1880s to the rambunctiously cramped Brooklyn apartment where Bobby was born, it swings through her loving marriage, blazes over the rebellious youth of her daughter and finally - falls madly in love with her granddaughter, Bess. Nobody Will Tell You This But Me are the truths - full of devotion, killer instincts and hard-won experience - that Bess's grandmother tells even when they hurt - and even though she's gone. This unusual love story celebrates the bond of women across generations and the personalities that live on through grief and love. Told through documents, photographs, and verbatim dialogue, it's a memoir like none you've ever read before.

Nobody Will Tell You This But Me A True (as Told to Me) Story