Obedient Servant How to be a Good Masochism for Your Partner

Obedient servantMasochism was the term initially used by the famed Austrian psychiatrist Richard Von Krafft-Ebing, author of the classic text, Psychopathia Sexualis (1931). Krafft-Ebing named masochism after the Austrian writer Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch, whose books often carried a masochistic theme. Sacher-Masoch also practiced what he preached. He was attracted to dominant women in furs as depicted in his book, Venus in Furs (1869). Apparently, the writer pressured his first wife Aurora Von Rümelin to live out the experiences of his book which she did, but with reservations. Following his death, she wrote about her experiences in her memoir, My Life Confession (Mein Lebensbeichte) (1906). Bored with marriage, Sacher-Masoch also had mistresses who engaged in his sexual fantasies. For example, he signed a contract with Baroness Fanny Pistor to make him her slave for 6-months provided she wear furs as often as possible, particularly when she was in a vile mood.According to the DSM-V (2013), the paraphilic focus of sexual masochism involves the act of experiencing-over a period of at least 6 months-sexual arousal from being humiliated, beaten, bound, or made to suffer in some way. To be considered problematic, the fantasies, urges, or behaviors must cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas. Some scholars differentiate between sexual masochism and moral masochism-moral masochism has more to do with self-punishment for bad behavior; sexual masochism-which this article is primarily concerned with-has to do with sexual arousal leading to sexual satisfaction (Kernberg, 1991; Maleson, 1984).Sexual masochistic behaviors vary depending on an individual's preference. For example, some masochists like to be tied up and flogged (BDSM); others prefer to be verbally humiliated only; and some are aroused by more severe or dangerous forms of masochism such as asphyxiation, to name a few. Nevertheless, there are many fallacies about masochism which the following list may help to dispel:1. Most masochists have their limits and safety is extremely important. The research has indicated that relatively few people get hurt, and when injury does occur it's usually the result of an accident or poor judgment (Moser & Levitt, 1987; Scott, 1983).2. According to Money & Lamacz (1989), if under control, a sadist and a masochist can make a sexuality compatible match.3. Masochists tend to be upper-middle class.4. Masochists tend to be well-educated.5. Studies have found that masochists are not anti-feminist (Cross & Matheson, 2006).6. More men engage in masochistic behavior than do women. The main differences have to do with the specific acts preferred. Women prefer less intense forms of masochism usually related to a relationship (e.g., light spanking); men prefer acts that reduce their status as a man (e.g., being forced to kiss a partner's feet or being cuckolded (Baumeister & Butler, 1997).7. There are far more masochists than there are sadists (Baumeister, 1988, 1989; Cross & Matheson, 2006).8. Prostitutes report a more disproportionate ratio. In fact, one of the biggest challenges for a self-respecting masochist is to find a suitably cooperative sadist.9. According to the professional literature, many sadists start out as masochists.10. The onset of masochism was found to be 19.3 years of age, although fantasies have been reported in childhood (DSM-V, 2013).11. Freud (1905/1953) believed that in every sadist there is a masochist and in every masochist there is a sadist. He coined the term sadomasochism.12. Deleuze (1967) rejected the term sadomasochism. He saw sadism and masochism as distinct.13. Both sadist and masochist exert control in the sadomasochistic dynamic. The sadist takes overt control and the masochist prefers it that way.14. Both sadist and masochist share the delight in their sexual process and differ from other sadis.