Oisín McKenna

A Novel

Evenings and Weekends

Lindsay

His body and mind are usually shy, they shut down on the precipice of deep and vivid feeling. When faced with something hot, unknown, frightening, desirable, his body and mind try to reject it, no matter how much it would improve his life and love and happiness to have it. All of which to say, Phil has a problematic relationship to bottoming. 

Whenever he looks at art or nature with friends, he feels obliged to express feelings on it, even when he has none. And this discrepancy between feelings spoken and feelings felt gives him the sensation of not existing at all.

When she tries to explain it to herself, the best she can come up with is that just once she wants to be at the center of things, no longer an afterthought. No longer a peripheral figure in her own life.

That was the thing with dom tops, they thought you wanted to be treated like dirt. In many ways, Phil did want to feel owned. He wanted to feel like an object, but a cherished one, a priceless heirloom. Something that you could do whatever you wanted to, but what you wanted to do was treat it with care. He wanted to be a hole to get fucked, yes, but also he wanted to be loved. He didn't want these two desires to be mutually exclusive.

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