Robert A. Johnson

A bestselling author shows how we can reclaim and make peace with the "shadow" side of our personality.

Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche

Owning Your Own Shadow

Laura Mei

Most people presume that they are the sole master of their house. To acknowledge and then own one’s shadow is to admit there are many more sides to us that the world does not see. The more refined our conscious personality, the more shadow we have built up on the other side. This is one of Jung’s greatest insights: that the ego and the shadow come from the same source and exactly balance each other. To make light is to make shadow; one cannot exist without the other. To refuse the dark side of one’s nature is to store up or accumulate the darkness.

The tendency to see one’s shadow “out there” in one’s neighbor or in another race or culture is the most dangerous aspect of the modern psyche. It has created two devastating wars in this century and threatens the destruction of all the achievements of our modern world. We all decry war but collectively we move toward it. It is not the monsters of the world who make such chaos but the collective shadow to which every one of us has contributed. Unless we do conscious work on it, the shadow is almost always projected; that is, it is neatly laid on someone or something else so we do not have to take responsibility for it. Indeed, every group unconsciously designates one of its members as the black sheep and makes him or her carry the darkness for the community.

To fall in love is to project the most noble and infinitely valuable part of one’s being onto another human being. There are people who put their divine capacity on a profession or art or even a place. Romantic love, or falling in love, is different from loving, which is always a quieter and more humanly proportioned experience. There is always something overblown and bigger-than-life about falling in love. To fall in love is to project that particularly golden part of one’s shadow onto another person. Instantly, that person is the carrier of everything sublime and holy. Only when they come down to earth do they have to look at each other realistically and only then does the possibility of mature love exist.

Paradox is that artesian well of meaning we need so badly in our modern world. We will go to almost any lengths to avoid paradox; but in that refusal we only confine ourselves to the useless experience of contradiction. Contradiction brings the crushing burden of meaninglessness. One can endure any suffering if it has meaning; but meaninglessness is unbearable. Contradiction is barren and destructive, yet paradox is creative. It is a powerful embracing of reality. While contradiction is static and unproductive, paradox makes room for grace and mystery. 

Every human experience can be expressed in terms of paradox. Day is comprehensible only in contrast to night. Activity has meaning only in relation to rest. Taste is a matter of contrasts. Up is only possible in the presence of down. What would north be without south? Where is joy not bounded by sobriety?

We hate paradox since it is so painful, but it is a direct experience of a reality beyond our usual frame of reference and yields some of the greatest insights. It forces us beyond ourselves and destroys naive and inadequate adaptations. Most of the time, we support two warring points of view and evade the confrontation. If we accept these opposing elements and endure the collision of them in full consciousness, we embrace the paradox. The capacity for paradox is the measure of spiritual strength and the surest sign of maturity. Every single virtue in this world is made valid by its opposite. Truths always come in pairs and one has to endure this to accord with reality. To suffer means to allow; and in this sense one suffers the mystery of duality. Whenever you do this, something immediately does that. Such is reality. This is the realm of paradox, where we are able to entertain simultaneously two contradictory notions and give them equal dignity. Then, and only then, is there the possibility of grace, the spiritual experience of contradictions brought into a coherent whole — giving us a unity greater than either one of them. To transform opposition into paradox is to allow both sides of an issue, both pairs of opposites, to exist in equal dignity and worth.

Fanaticism is always a sign that one has adopted one of a pair of opposites at the expense of the other. The high energy of fanaticism is a frantic effort to keep one half of the truth at bay while the other half takes control. This always yields a brittle and unrentable personality. This kind of righteousness depends on “being right.” We may want to hear what the other is saying, but be afraid when the balance of power starts to shift. The old equation is collapsing and you are sure that you will lose yourself if you “give in.” And how the ego works to keep the status quo

Owning Your Own Shadow quotes

Join the club