Name: Nine Princes in Amber
Rating: 3.6 (45 reviews)
ISBN: 0783884257

Roger Zelazny

Nine Princes in Amber

Nine princes in Amber

Sarah Sammis

I have actually read this book twice but I plan to re read it and review it on my blog.

Michael Springer

Roger,

No, it would be no problem at all! I'd be happy to respond to the first draft of your new fantasy novel. 

Lets start with the good: I enjoyed your method of immersing the reader in your fantasy world. The protagonist's case of amnesia makes it so he must learn all the same things the reader needs to know. Protagonist Corwin regains his memory gradually, creating a sense of mystery throughout the first hundred pages that is quite entertaining. 

Then. . . well, you lost me. I mean, it's so esoteric. SHADOW REALMS, one for every combination of things that could be. Nine princes who can travel at will between these Shadow Realms. But there's really only ONE REAL WORLD, the world of Amber, of which all the other worlds are shadows. All of these princes want to be the king of Amber, and they struggle against each other for the throne . . .

Well, one issue I have is that I'm not sure why I should side with Corwin. I'm not entirely convinced he's the "good guy." It's sort of like voting for Zeus instead of Hera. They're all egomaniacal wackjobs. 

And then you tell us, most of the way through the novel, each one of these brothers could technically make their own perfect reproduction of the original world of Amber, and ALL be kings of identical territories, AND COMPLETELY BYPASS ALL OF THIS FIGHTING TO THE DEATH?! So WHY. The FUCK. Should your reader care? As Tim Gunn would say, "This part has me worried." 

Before attempting to get this published, I HIGHLY recommend reconsidering how omnipotent this set-up will make your protagonist. At the very least, don't point out to your reader how ludicrous this whole war is. 

Another big issue I had was with your voice in this novel. I mean, sometimes you're all "If thou will help me to smote down ye evyl brother Eric, your noble brother Corwin shall be beholden to you." Then, a scene later, you're all, "I snuck out of the prison because I'm just that good. Dig? Solid." Are we casual? Are we not casual? Let's just decide. Either could work, but both don't. 

Also, you should know my interest tapered off drastically at the exact moment when things should've started getting exciting. The actual battle over Amber seemed . . . well, dull. First off, it's narrated kind of like an eight-year-old would narrate an action figure battle: "seven of the big furry red guys were killed. Three of their soldiers died. Seventy of the goodguys got blown off the snowy mountain. I stabbed some guy in the neck." You start a hell of a lot of sentences with "I did this." I was distracted by this. I could not visualize much of anything. I was tempted to skim.

I'm sure this is your rough draft, despite the artificially yellowed pages and cool imitation 70's cover, mostly because of the excessive typos. My personal favorite: "the doors of good food." Did you mean Odors? I think so. I would fix that, and also doublecheck your punctuation. Commas seem like an unpredictable force in this book, happening sporadically and without logic. So, as I tell all my writing students, allways proofread. By the way, I loved the ironic quip on the front about "Hugo and Nebula Winning." After a few more drafts, that may become a reality, but remember my mantra: revise, revise, revise!

Ralitsa Brennan

Amazing book, couldn't let go of it. It is a bit difficult to get the rules of the world at first but once you do, there are no problems

Sarah Escorsa

⚔ Zelazny Freaks Regulars buddy read with my fellow Freaks Regulars Evgeny, Choko, Eilonwy, Elena and Lee Who Just Came Back from the Dead ⚔

Pre-review rating: 3.33567458 stars. 
Post-review rating: 3 stars. Because I'm barbarous like that.

Okay, let's get something out of the way real quick: yes, this is everyone and their barnacle's mostest favoritest fantasy series ever, and the one that, in most cases, introduced them to the genre, and the one that inspired countless fantasy writers. It also happens to be the one I obviously very read wrong.



Yeah yeah yeah, I know, this is quite outrageous and stuff. Hey, you might want to be careful with that finger of yours, you're going to end up spraining it if you don't stop wiggling it around like that. 

Now please do try and refrain from playing Friendly Neighbourhood Troll (FNT™), and lecturing me on allllllllllllllllllll the glorious things I obviously missed while reading this book. Why? Because 1/I'm in a most nefarious mood today, so you might want to take a step back before I unleash the crustaceans and stuff, 2/Sorry I slightly forgot what #2 was and 3/I already KNOW that this delightful tale is packed with dazzingly marvellous stuff. How do I know, you ask? Sigh. With all due respect (view spoiler)[
  
 (hide spoiler)], you really ask the silliest questions sometimes, my Flimsy Decapods. Because I bloody shrimping READ IT, that's why! *softly screams "DUH" at the top of her super sexey branchiae*

The truth is, I haven't entirely lost it yet (don't worry, it won't last) and do realize that there is some supremely good stuff here. Ergo, I presently find my little self in quite the predicament. I mean, this book is mostly brilliantly brilliant indeed. Zelazny managed to build a deliciously rich, complex world in 150 miserable little pages. When it takes most some authors (who shall remain unnamed because I can't be ALL malevolent ALL the time please excuse the digression and stuff) 100+ books (and a half) in a series not to do the same, um, you know, thing. 



I know, right? And just you wait, for there's more captivating stuff on the way! I'm not nearly done yet! Be glad and rejoice!

So the world building is pretty luscious and the story is original and fun and intriguing and the plot is fast-paced and there are deviously deceitful characters with potentially great potential and yes I am aware I already said most of this down there ↓↓ but who the fish cares anyway and there is lots of Yummy Swashbuckling Type Stuff (YSTS™) and I am most pleased that some of my subaquatic cousins are featured in the story and there are heavenly Kentucky Fried Lizard Parts, too and also bid red guys + little hairy ones and commas are overrated anyway.



This "but" here ⤴ might seem quite innocently inconspicuous to you, and yet it is most completely responsible for the distressing (if a little Zelaznian) predicament I mentioned earlier. Because you see, my Flaky Arthropods, notwithstanding the Stupendously Stupendous Stuff (SSS™) this book is packed with, some stuff is indeed rotten in the state of Amber *cheerfully waves at her good chum Will S.*:

① Anyone who has read Doorways in the Sand or Roadmarks will tell you that Zelazny loves nothing better than to keep his victims readers' little grey cells on their toes and stuff (because yes, little grey cells have toes). So I obviously expected some serious head exoskeleton scratching to happen here, and this most delectable assumption was confirmed in the first chapters in the book. But then it all went poof and all was revoltingly crystal clear and despicably simple and my pincers were therefore left with nothing to scratch and got all itchy as a result and that is never good for puny humans in the immediate vicinity of my humble shrimpy abode but I slightly digress. Long paragraph tiny: too straightforward this story was, when most splendidly befuddling I expected it to be. Quite disappointed this sad state of affairs left me. 



Yes, some people manage to express their emotions in the most restrained way *and* be super stylish at the same time.

② The return of the Ironing Boards of Doom (IBoD™). Yes, I am afraid this is the awful truth indeed, as the characters in this book seem to have been infected by the much-feared Flat as a Herd of Ironing Boards Virus (FaaHoIBV™). Which is a teensy little bit slightly infuriating since they were all so promising initially. But depth they utterly lack and emotions they are unable to express and act like lifeless machines most of the time they do. So give a fish about them I never really came to. Which sucks big time. Especially since there's some potential harem material here *waves at prospective boyfriend Corwin* Now if that's not overwhelmingly depressing, I don't know what is.

③ Was this book written by Zelazny's evil twin, I wonder? The writing is shockingly uneven and unbalanced throughout the book. You get loooooonnnng passages about not necessarily fascinating stuff, and then less than a ridiculous paragraph about a battle: "we met. We fought. I won." Okay then. Then there are the dialogues. One minute the characters are all, "I fear to fetch us steeds." "And I, also" and the next they are all, "Hey man, I don't dig this. Hey man, I don't dig that. Guys this, guys that, here a guy, there a guy, everywhere a guy…" which kinda sorta makes me go all…



 Get the gist of my predicament now? You don't? Oh, well. 

➽ And the moral of this Please Someone Tell Me Where I Can Take How To Write Concise Reviews 101 Classes This Is Getting Hopelessly Hopeless and Tiresomely Tiresome Crappy Non Review (PSTMWICTHtWCR101CTIGHHaTTCNR™) is: have no fear, Zelaznian Freaks Enthusiasts, for I shall most promptly read book 2 and see the glorious Zelaznian light in all its splendour, after which we shall all live shrimpily ever after and stuff. Then again maybe not.

✎ Book 2: Guns of Avalon - currently reading.



[Pre-review nonsense]

Actual rating: 3.33567458 stars. A most pathetic rating indeed. Bad, bad Sarah.

I should have rated this book 4 gloriously glittering stars. Why? Because I say so, that's why. And also maybe perhaps because this book is fun and entertaining and features Cool Devious Cunning Treacherous Characters (CDCTC™) galore (+ also possibly harem material) and it's action-packed, too and the world is pretty fishing original, too and the body count is off the charts, too and hahaha, too and stuff, too. 

Okay, given how great this book sounds when I describe it, it seems pretty obvious I read it wrong. Then again maybe I read it right, but rated it wrong? Or did I actually read it wrong but rated it right? Hmmm...I think this demands further investigation. Please excuse me while I energetically scrutinize the unfathomable depths of my exoskeleton in search for an answer to this most puzzling enigma.



Yes, this is what I look like when I'm in Full Energetically Scrutinizing Mode (FESM™). Pretty hot, huh?

➽ Full I'm Doing the Preemptive Kidnapping Poof Gone Harem Thing on Corwin Because You Never Know and Stuff Crappy Non Review (IMtPKPGHToCBYNKaSCNR™) to come.

Jenna Kathleen

It was just very mediocre. There were some parts that were well done, others not so much, but mostly a whole lot of middle. The beginning showed promise, but (view spoiler)[ after Corwin got his memories back, the mystery was gone and I lost interest. The prison escape was pretty good  (hide spoiler)] and I was happy with the ending - some resolution, but enough potential for a better second book.

Zach Spencer

This was not terrible, but didn't overly impress me. A decent start to what I hope to be a fulfilling series.

Nine Princes in Amber

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