S. R. Karfelt

A heartfelt story of respect, heartbreak, and love... Nobody Told Me is the story of a complicated and powerful relationship-the love between a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law and the struggle to hold on as dementia erases past, present, and future.

Love in the Time of Dementia

Nobody Told Me

Aleena Korell

Love is the nurses and aides who get hit and scratched by patients with dementia, and taken in stride.
Love is people who take time out of their days to spend time with people who suffer from this disease. Especially those who give so much of themselves to Gummy.
I just love her, they say. 
Maybe she can't remember their names, but she remembers the love part. 
Because people are people and love isn't forgotten, even when particulars are. People suffering dementia still need love. It doesn't look anything like the Hollywood version; it looks like work. Feels like it too. 
Real love is messy and hard sometimes, but it's all we've got.

This memoir is easily one of the most heartbreaking and beautiful things I've ever read. 
Real talk: I'm going to gush, so hang in there for a sec. My Grandma had dementia, and we watched as she declined and it was pretty heartbreaking. When I came across S.R. Karfelt telling her story of putting her mother-in-law, Gummy, into memory care, it sort of broke my heart all over again. 

I suppose hiding memory issues is normal. Most people wouldn't hide a gaping would in their body, but if it's in their head they do.

Gummy is a firecracker. So is Saffi (Karfelt's family nickname), so they're a fantastic pair. These pages are an homage to their relationship-- which wasn't always perfect, but was so, so full of love and respect. These pages are also an homage to Gummy, who just sounds like one heck of a woman. And so does S.R. Karfelt, for the record. Her selfless servant-heartedness is as inspiring to read about as the strong but deteriorating Gummy herself.
The thing about Karfelt's writing is, it's freaking hilarious. Finding out what mischief Gummy got into this time is just so much fun. And I think we all need that-- an honest, heartbreaking but laughter and hope-filled approach to this topic that so many people have to suffer through on one end or the other. So if you're there too, or if you want to know what it's like, or if you just want some therapeutic tears but also a 6-pack from laughing so hard-- check out this book. 

Thanks once again for the labor of love, Ms. Karfelt. Your hard work has meant so much to me personally, and I know it has and will mean the world to many others.

Nobody Told Me Love in the Time of Dementia

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