Donald Miller

After decades of failed relationships and painful drama, Donald Miller decided he’d had enough. Impressing people wasn’t helping him connect with anyone. He’d built a life of public isolation, yet he dreamed of meaningful relationships. So at forty years old he made a scary decision: to be himself no matter what it cost. From the author of Blue Like Jazz comes a book about the risk involved in choosing to impress fewer people and connect with more, about the freedom that comes when we stop acting and start loving. It is a story about knocking down old walls to create a healthy mind, a strong family, and a satisfying career. And it all feels like a conversation with the best kind of friend: smart, funny, true, important. Scary Close is Donald Miller at his best.

Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

Scary Close

Claudine

Some of my junk mail is obvious and easy to pul from the pile and get rid of without reading it, but a lot of it pretends to look like it's not junk. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. The same is true in our relationships. This book will help you sort the junk mail you've been bringing to your relationships. 

The thought of not acting pressed on me like a terror. Can we really trust people to love us just as we are? Nobody steps onto a stage and gets a standing ovation for being human. You have to sing or dance or something. I think that's the difference between being loved and making people clap, though. Love can't be earned, it can only be given. And it can only be exchanged by people who are completely true with each other.

Applause is a quick fix. And love is an acquired taste.

The reality is, what writers write and the way they live can be as different as a lump of coal and a diamond. The written life is shined to a deceptive gloss. 

Don says his life then had his ‘performance mode’ always on

Who else do you marry but the person who pulls you off the stage?

Betsy told me when we met that in order to connect she needed quantity time. By that she meant we'd have to spend countless hours together doing nothing for her to feel safe. She believed anybody could come and go with a song and dance, but only the committed would last the seasons.

I never realized how much I’d used my job as a social crutch until the crutch was taken away.

 He said people who didn't feel like they'd accomplished much felt insecure around those who had.. Bill said he wished we lived in a world where people couldn't say what they did at all. He said the World would be a healthier place if nobody were allowed to wear a costume.

The problem is this: those of us who are never satisfied With Our accomplishments secretly believe nobody will love us unless we're perfect. 

It's all connected with the belief human conditional. But human love is love isn't conditional. No love is conditional. If love is conditional, it's just Some sort of manipulation masquerading as love.

Scary Close quotes

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