Shelly Laurenston

Pack Challenge

karrington pease 

Rating: 2

This is probably one of the worst books I have ever read. I DNF'd it at about 90%, so I really did try with this book, however ripping out teeth would have been easier, and probably more pleasant than finishing this book. There are multiple problems with this book. 

The first being the plot. The plot was kind of cool and definitely different than most of the shifter books I read. The plot focuses around a woman who is crippled by an accident that killed both of her parents. She was raised by her grandmother and was kept in the dark about being a shapeshifter until Zach, the soon to be alpha of her parents' pack before they died shows up, falls in love with her, and involves her into his world. What makes this shifter book different than most that I've read is that the female character is considered to be an alpha. Throughout the book, we see a few scenes that show Sara's strength and natural instincts as well as Zach's commentary about her alpha instincts shinning through. However, there was too much detail in unnecessary scenes and too little detail in the scenes that actually mattered. Despite the fact that I didn't finish the book, I finished enough of the book to pick up on the lack of storyline. The sex scenes and the sexual tension didn't necessarily bother me. It was the excessive amounts of it that seriously annoyed me. The author sped through the big revealing moment for Sara and the explanation of what she was despite building it up basically the whole book. Which was so frustrating. If I had just found out that I was a shifter, I would not be down to have sex a few moments later. That to me was just really unrealistic. 

It was also sooooooo annoying how Zach suddenly "loved" Sara. They don't even KNOW each other. A few hot sex scenes and marking her as your mate does not indicate love, give me a break!! 

Sara I actually loved. Zach I hated with a passion. The fact that he kept referring to her as a psychotic bitch was SO unnerving. Like, the woman just found out shapeshifters are a thing and she is one...what do you expect?! She is experiencing aggression in ways she never has before, which is uncharacteristic for her. She isn't going to carry on as normal!! I loved the good friendship between the three women in the book, but the author portrayed them as such shallow and judgmental women I was so turned off. All the women did was slut shame. Nothing pisses me off more than series revolving around GROWN women that shame their own sexuality. Like, can we NOT shame a woman's sexuality??? Can we instead...gee, I don't know, CELEBRATE it as we do for male characters??? It's just frustrating as a female reader to read series revolving around female characters that are constantly beating themselves up or calling themselves sluts after sex, yet the male characters are discussed in the same context. And this book is the perfect example of that!

I would recommend this book to literally no one. I'm not shitting on people for enjoyed this book, good for you honestly. But for me, this was a WASTE of time. The plot was lost, the sex was annoyingly placed, Zach was a dick and Sara and her friends were shallow and slut shaming half way through the book. I definitely will not continue this series.

Sarah Escorsa

Squicky buddy read with Anne. So what are you waiting for? Go and read her review now!


  A word of warning:
 explicit sex scenes will be discussed in this review. If that makes you uncomfortable either don't read "incriminating evidence #3" or just walk away from this review and quietly close the door behind you. I'd advise you to stick around (believe me, it's worth it) but hey, it's your life.

So. I've read a lot of crappy books in my life. But let me tell you, this is majorly craptastic. It gives the word crappy a whole new dimension. Man do we have a winner here!



Where to start?! Oh yes, I know. First allow me to congratulate myself and give myself a big pat on the back for actually finishing this book. I did it. I'm so proud. 

When I started reading this book I expected something in the vein of 
  Dragon Actually
: light and funny with batshit crazy yet lovable heroines and silly sex scenes thrown in. Excuse me while I smack myself upside the head here. Same author, different pen names. Now I know why *facepalm*

Before you decide to give this book a try, be aware that there are side effects involved that may cause severe bodily harm:
► Eyerolling until your eyeballs pop out of their sockets.
► Screaming internally until your vocal cords decide some actual shrieking and screeching would be nice, which will most certainly result in losing your voice for a few days.
► Banging your head on your desk until your grey cells come out of your ears.

This book? Never a dull moment. 



♦ Incriminating evidence #1: Lovely Ladies Inc aka Bitches R Us.

The female characters in this book? Unbelievable. UNBELIEVABLE. I can deal with silly. I can deal with crazy. I can deal with violent. I can deal with snarky. I can deal with sarcastic. I cannot deal with girls who treat each other like crap just for kicks. Especially when said girls are supposed to be best friends. They are stupid, superficial and pathetic. They have zero self-respect. And they address each other in the most charming way: 
► Bitch ✓ Wonderful array of adjectives here: crazy, dumb, mean, cheap, vicious… Take your pick, it's on the house!
► Slut ✓ Option a: bar slut. Option b: biker slut.
► Whore ✓ Option a: crack whore. Option b: fucking whore.
► Piece of shit ✓ Simple yet effective. Love it.

Delightful girls I tell you. They love to slap each other too. And keep promising to beat the shit out of each other. But hey, that's gun-carrying, mean Texas bitches for you.

But wait! In case you didn't get that all women are bitches, let Zach, the charming male mc, hammer it into you. According to this lovely piece of work, females are either: toxic, crazy, dumb, petty, power-hungry, stupid, loud or psychotic bitches. But hey, that doesn't mean the guy doesn't appreciate a ripe piece of ass when he sees one. I think feminism just committed suicide.



♦ Incriminating evidence #2: I'm-a-golden-retriever-heroine Inc aka TSTL is Me.

So here we have lovely Sara (not Sarah thankfully enough. Phew, that was close!). She lives in a town ruled by wolves. Pretty much everyone in town is (check all that apply) growling/snarling/sniffing around all day. A pack of wolves watches over her. They howl to at her at night and she howls right back. Does she think this is strange? Nope. Does she think it's weird that a big, lone wolf watches her every move at night? Of course not, that's perfectly normal. Does she believe her friend when she tells her werewolves exist? Oh please don't be silly. Meet Sara Morrighan. Clueless doesn't even begin to cover it. 



But you know what makes Sara truly irresistible? She seems to think she is so freakingly cool, dangerous and ass-kicking when she gets drunk. Atta girl. I'm pretty sure feminism committed suicide again.
Drunk-Sara was fun. Drunk-Sara set things on fire. Drunk-Sara grabbed groping men by the balls and squeezed until they passed out.
So it seems our dear heroine needs to get her aggression under control. No problem. That non-werewolf biker (there are no such things as werewolves you silly) will gladly "fuck the aggression out of her." Hey don't look at me, I'm not the one who wrote the freaking book. Well, if I'm to be completely honest here Sara isn't that hopeless. Why? She has a secret orgasmic weapon you see. But more on that later.

♦ Incriminating evidence #3: Subtle Sex Scenes Inc aka Crazed Rabbits on Crack R Us.

I'm all for down & dirty sex scenes but some things are better left to the imagination. TMI Shelly Laurenston. Does that mean anything to you? I mean there are graphic descriptions and then there are GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS. 



But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Before we get to the juicy bits (bad pun totally intended) let's build things up with some delicate foreplay. I should have known something was wrong when dear old Zach started envying a banister (yes, a banister) Sara was straddling. But hey, who am I to judge? If the guy has a banister fetish it's his problem, not mine. Right. Then he seems to get off watching Sara sliding on a bar stool: 
  "He thought about her doing the same move to his face."
 Okay then. Poor Zach, it's not his fault Sara drives him nuts: "she looks like she could suck a golf ball through a hose." Right. What's a guy supposed to do? Apart from "taking the discussion to the bathroom where he could fuck the answer out of her" or "grabbing the woman, bending her over the bar, and fucking her within an inch of her life?" Told you it was all about delicate foreplay.

Enough time wasted people, let's get to it (foreplay is overrated anyway). The sex scenes in this book are so badly written they almost end up being hilarious. And you know you're in serious trouble when the lovely heroine starts growling (no werewolves! No werewolves!) things like "fuck me, you shit." Hahahahahahaha! Oops. Sorry about that. I have a weird sense of humour. Anyway, dear old Sara does get creative with the "fuck me" lines so at least I got a good laugh out of it. But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, time for TMI. I think I shall be lenient and use spoiler tags beyond this point. You're welcome.

(view spoiler)[The sex scenes in this book are kind of pathetically funny at first but they get old really fast. And there is only so much I can read about wet/flooded pussies, rock-hard cocks and overflowing juices. Shelly Laurenston, let's keep the clinical/overly descriptive writing to a minimum next time around, shall we? Here are a few quotes for your personal enjoyment. No worries though, they won't have you throwing your underwear across the room.
He could practically hear her clit twitching from where he stood. 
Nice image, thank you. Sara watched as he, still holding her hand wet with her own juices, slipped her middle finger into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it.
I didn't need to read that.She looked down at his big, strong hand. She’d gotten finger-fucked with that hand.
Please don't remind me.Zach felt her orgasm when her tight pussy practically snapped his fingers in two during the first spasm.
Ouch, that sounds painful.Dragging her finger along the tip, she cleaned off the pre-come. He watched her slip that finger into her mouth and suck it clean.
I didn't need to read that either. (hide spoiler)]

 

Even Miley Cyrus doesn't approve. And that's saying a lot.

I honestly think watching rabbit porn would be a bigger turn on than reading the sex scenes in this book. Shelly Laurenston, congratulations. You have just been awarded the Unsexiest Sex Scenes Ever Trophy.

Oh wait, I almost forgot Sara's secret orgasmic weapon! Because you all want to know what it is right?
  She couldn’t explain it, but her old wound had somehow become a giant G-spot on her leg.
Yep, that's right, her old leg wound does the trick every time. Didn't expect that did you? Touch my scar! Touch my scar! Wheee!

Now that's what I call creative writing.

I have the second book in this series on my Kindle and masochistic little me is actually thinking of reading it. Who knows? I might get lucky. It might be much worse than this one.

· Book 2: Go Fetch ★

Ann-Loy

Her friend was A N N O Y I N G as hell. Terrible. Dreadful character that I just couldn’t cheer for. The lead female character also had her annoying moments. One thing about Shelly Laurenston though, she can write her butt off!

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