Jayne Faith

Ella Grey Series Book 1

Stone Cold Magic

Sarah Escorsa

➽ And the moral of this reread is: I want a pet gargoyle for Christmas. Because they're super cute and fluffy and the cuddliest companions a nefarious tyrant could ever wish for and stuff.



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[Original review]

 Friendly warning: this crappy non-review is as uninspired as this book was unexpectedly and shockingly good. Be afraid, my Little Barnacles, be very afraid.

I was SO sure this one was going to suck BIG time I didn't even bother adding it to my 'currently reading' shelf when I started it. Because, seriously: a UF book by two fairly unknown authors, available through Kindle Unlimited? 



Exactly. I mean, let's be honest here, 99.99% of Kindle Unlimited books are pure crap. And given that 99.99% of UF stories that get published these days are pure crap too, well…Let's say things weren't looking too good for poor Ella Grey here. But I downloaded the book anyway because:

1/I love to suffer.
2/I'm not really sane.
3/It had been two weeks too long since I last DNFed a book. 
4/I needed to vent in a rant review. 

Right. I kinda sorta feel like a total idiot now. But I'm kinda sorta used to it, so I think there's a good chance I'll survive the slight mortification. Anyway, here I was, looking forward to unleashing my 2016 backlog of pent up anger in a gloriously epic 1-star review. So I started reading this little book here. And something truly horrific happened:



That's right, my deviously cunning plan to hate this book with a vengeance failed epically. Yes, my Little Barnacles, it is tragic, but it is true: my wondrous nefariousness notwithstanding, I have been had {insert screams of shock and confusion here} Once I started this book, I couldn't put it down. Damn. My reputation has just been thoroughly ruined by a Kindle Unlimited UF story. I'm pretty sure I'm never going to live this down. 

Soooooo, this little book here. No, it is not highly philosophical. No, it is not mind-blowingly thought-provoking. No, you will not gain extra IQ points by reading it. But you know what? It's bloody shrimping entertaining. And it's not STOOPID. And that's more than enough for me these days. Because, frankly, with all the crap I've read this year, I can tell you the mere fact that a UF book doesn't suck and is fun to read is an achievement in itself. This obviously calls for a rhythmic celebration.

 

In case you were wondering: no, this ↑↑ is not me. As of this morning, I was still female. I think.

Okay, so it's almost Christmas, you're busy getting last minute gifts, I'm busy drinking myself to oblivion, and the crustaceans are busy sharpening their claws, so I'll just cut the crap and tell you why this book is slightly nifty:

① The world building is pretty creative, nicely developed and has LOTS of potential. There are yummy demons, cool magic stuff, plain humans (which is becoming a rarity in UF these days), non-boring ghosts *gasps*, witches, vamps, evil corporations, pet hellhounds, necromancers, extra souls and gargoyles!!!! Freaking gargoyles!!!! I want a gargoyle for Christmas, my Little Barnacles!!!

② The plot is surprisingly original, fast paced and intriguing. I had pretty low expectations at first, since the MC is a cop of sorts and police procedurals usually bore me to death. You know how ugly things get when I get bored, don't you? Yeah, that's right, doom, destruction and complete annihilation of all life on Earth and stuff. Luckily enough, this ain't no Dull Tedious Lackluster Flat Boom Planet Gone Mystery (DTLFBPGM™), my Lovely Arthropods! Because stuff happens! Because there are no fluffy bunnies or pastel colored rainbows! Because the MC is a demon patrol officer! And because freaking gargoyles! And because reasons! And because I said so! You're welcome! 



Don't ask. Believe me, you really don't want to know what this is about.

③ Ella Grey, our Soon to Be Cool Chick Harem Material MC (StBCCHMMC™), belongs to that species on the verge of extinction known as the non-TSTL UF heroine. I must admit I nearly fainted to death when I realized the girl wasn't a harebrained nitwit with dimwitted tendencies. A girl who could actually think for herself. And even managed to act rationally. I know, I know, this is a lot to take. Breathe my Little Barnacles, breathe. What makes Ella Grey pretty shrimping cool is that she can get beautifully bi-polar sometimes. I mean, she kinda sorta died for a while and came back among the living with a built-in reaper type tenant in her little head. Which is pretty brilliant, if you ask me. Okay, so dear Ella doesn't seem to agree with me on that one. Mainly because Mr/Ms/Whatever Reaper tends to scare her shitless make her feel a teensy little bit uncomfortable when he/she/it/whatever takes over. But hey, I still think it's slightly cool and stuff. 

④ The cast of secondary characters is somewhat awesome. They're all interesting, likeable, NOT one-dimensional and NOT tropey. I kid you not. Cross my heart, hope to die and all that crap. Aaaaaannnnnd, miracle of miracles, there is even a non-pathetically clichéd gay character in this story! I kid you not again. Cross my heart, hope to die and all that crap again. He's pretty cool, too. Because, you know, he's pretty cool, too. All of them are, actually. Pretty cool, too, I mean. ALL the characters, I mean. Even the bad guys, I mean. Ha.

⑤ The lack of Romance is deliciously delicious.Okay, so there's a hint of the possibility of a potentially probable romance in instalments to come, but for now it's zilch, zip, nada and stuff. Which is slightly glorious, if you ask me. And even if you don't. Ask me, I mean. It still is, I mean. Glorious, I mean. Ha. 

» And the moral of this Bloody Hell I Can't Believe I Liked this One so Much I Actually Want to Read the Next Instalment Crappy Non Review (BHICBILtOsMIAWtRtNICNR™) is: 



DUH.

· Book 2: Dark Harvest Magic ★★★★
· Book 3: Demon Born Magic ★★★★
· Book 4: Blood Storm Magic ★★★★

Stone Cold Magic Ella Grey Series Book 1

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