Sugaru Miaki

"I'm dead. What are you going to do?" In the fall of 22 when I was abandoned by everything and left alone, I was supposed to be a murderer. The girl killed by me got ten days of grace by "postponing" the moment of death. She decides to devote her precious ten days to revenge on those who have ruined her life. "Of course, you'll help me, murderer." As we continued to take revenge, we unknowingly approached the truth behind the encounter between the two. It's a sad but warm memory of everyday life. And that day's "goodbye".

Pain, Pain, Go Away

dija

If pain paingo away then why pain pain still here

tina

** spoiler alert **
           since i don't have a physical or ebook copy of this, i'm just gonna put all my favorite quotes here lol

"i'm still dubious about the actual existence of that /thing/ myself. but if the /love/ you speak of doesn't exist, then someone must have come up with it, which is a stunning thought. for many ages, love has been the cause of of many beautiful paintings, songs, and stories. if it's only made-up, /love/ may be humanity's greatest invention, or perhaps the world's kindest lie."

"most importantly, i was pushed forward by the harsh realization that the people you care about won't live forever for you."

"upon falling as low as i could go, there was a kind of extreme comfort in that darkness. after all, i couldn't go any lower. compared to the dread of a limitless fall, the pain of hitting the ground was much more concrete and bearable. there was nothing more i could lose. i had no hopes to betray, so i could have no despair.
so i felt at ease. there's nothing more dependable than resignation."

"when people come to loathe themselves-- that's the moment when they're at their most fragile. people who are ashamed are told they don't have anything worth protecting, and lose the will to resist."

"no, i didn't think that the world wasn't a place worth living in. but my life, at least, didn't seem worth living."

"i'd previously thought that when people spoke of having a hole in them, they meant a space that should have been filled but wasn't. but my perception had recently changed. it was a bottomless pit which would make anything you threw into it vanish. an infinite nothingness that you couldn't even call /zero/. that's what i have inside of me, i came to think. 
the mere thought of trying to fill it was pointless. there was nothing else i could do but put up walls around it and do my best not to touch it."

"familiarity is a scary thing; i had become able to make it through such agony."

"maybe somewhere in my heart, i had a reluctant thought. /i at least want to stay how i was when he loved me./"

"i hate this world. even so, i think it's beautiful.
there are countless things too sad to bear, and irrational things i can't forgive, but i don't regret being brought to this world as a person rather than a flower, a bird, or a star.
the letters kiriko and i exchanged day by day. the music we listened to leaning on each other. the moon we looked up at from the mud. the warmth of her hand in mine. our first kiss in the graveyard. the rhythm of her breathing as she leaned on me. the piano we played together in my dim apartment.
as long as i had such beautiful memories, i could turn my back to the world and hold hands with it."

"an end was coming to these lovable days full of lies and mistakes.
the only appropriate thing to leave kiriko with, after she'd lived a life filled with more pain than anyone, was that foolish consolation.
i gently stroked her head, then pushed out those words. 
pain, pain, go away."

Pain, Pain, Go Away

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