Tomasz Jedrowski

"When university student Ludwik meets Janusz at a summer agricultural camp, he is fascinated yet wary of this handsome, carefree stranger. But a chance meeting by the river soon becomes an intense, exhilarating, and all-consuming affair. After their camp duties are fulfilled, the pair spend a dreamlike few weeks camping in the countryside, bonding over an illicit copy of James Baldwin's Giovanni's Room. Inhabiting a beautiful natural world removed from society and its constraints, Ludwik and Janusz fall deeply in love. But in their repressive communist and Catholic society, the passion they share is utterly unthinkable"--Dust jacket flap.

A Novel

Swimming in the Dark

Andre Bohrer

To my own surprise, I was unable to accept the shame he wanted me to feel. It was too familiar to be imposed: I had produced it myself for such a long time that, right then, I found I had no space left for it anymore.

I tried to imagine my life in the future, in a year or so. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't see anything because anything that wasn't that moment—no, not even that—was beyond me. I started rocking my legs and feet, just to feel something.

Hanging up, I missed her more than I had before the call.

I don't know how many days we stayed at the lake, because each one was like a whole world, every moment new and unrepeatable. In a way these felt like the first days of my life, as if rd been born by that lake and its water and you. As if I'd shed a skin and left my previous life behind.

"I'm glad this happened," I said, enjoying the sound of my voice and its gentle vibration in my body.

We lay on our backs and listened, not saying a word. I sensed you near me, your body somehow animated despite its stillness. My heart was beating faster than the rain. Suddenly I wanted to be close to you, desperately so. I could feel the pull of your body, little strings drawing me toward you. But I couldn't move. Heartbeats passed, light years of back and forth in my mind, and just when I began to think I would never have the courage, you shifted toward me and placed your head on my shoulder. My heart stopped. I didn't dare breathe. Your head was heavy, like warm marble, and your hair brushed my cheek. I was paralyzed by possibility, caught between the vertigo of fulfilment and the abyss of uncertainty.

I allowed the union between the earth and my body, I let go, and for the first time in my life I appreciated everything for what it was, observed the miracle of it. The earth for being the earth, my hands for being my hands, the plants for growing out of seeds, and the others around me, everyone, with their own rights and dreams and interior worlds. Sweat poured over me more than ever, drenched my face, swept across the thick of my brows into my eyes, flooded down my neck and down my back like a deluge, and I accepted its gift. It was as if the sweat had washed away the past and all the thoughts and fears of the future and all that remained was now, clean and light and ever-dancing.

I was determined to take nothing from that place, not one memory, not one conclusion for myself. But like stones thrown into the sky with all one's might, pieces of that night—the boys and the men who wanted them, the flirtation, the codes of seduction I could only guess at—returned to me with even greater intensity than I had lived them. The law of gravity applies to memories too.

I had always liked the act of leaving, the expanse between departure and arrival when you're seemingly nowhere, defined by another kind of time.

But now I begin to think that not everyone suffers in the same way; that not everyone, in fact, suffers. Not from the same things, at any rate. And in a way this is what made us possible, you and me.

Shame, heavy and alive, had materialized, built from buried fears and desires. That evening, I lay in the dark in my bed, above Beniek, and tried to examine this shame. It was like a newly grown organ, monstrous and pulsating and suddenly part of me. It didn't cross my mind that Beniek might be thinking the same. I would have found it impossible to believe that anyone else could be in my position.

Linus Rogge

But, bizarrely, I remained calm. The calm, I think, was still a form of shock. If I had let anything out, it would have all overwhelmed me. 

But I think it was despair that killed her. Having done only things she didn't believe in, she must have been dead inside for years before her body finally gave up too.

You listened, really listened, gentle eyes taking me in without judgement, making me feel more heard than I knew I could be.

I avoided you, so that you couldn’t avoid me. 

It was the sort of early summer that erases any memory of other seasons, one where light and warmth clasp and feed you to the absolute. 

Even then, I found it odd that I, a child, should feel pity for an adult. 

clara

Giovan

Some people, some events, make you lose your head. They’re like guillotines, cutting your life in two, the dead and the alive, the before and the after.

I could see Beniek's outline near me, and the need to kiss him crept out of the night like a wolf. It was the first time I had consciously wanted to pull anyone toward me. The desire reached me like a distinct message from deep within, a place I had never sensed before but recognized immediately.

Some people, some events, make you lose your head. They're like guillotines, cutting your life in two, the dead and the alive, the before and the after.

I was paralyzed by possibility, caught between the vertigo of fulfilment and the abyss of uncertainty.

Like the changing of the seasons, this book takes you through a journey: from the caressing lakeside summer sunset grazing your skin, to the blistering cold wind of the Polish winter piercing your bones. There’s so much poetry in the seemingly quotidian of life that all adds up to something in the end.

Beautifully written with such rich and vivid words, these characters and their lives will definitely stick with me.

Like the changing of the seasons, this book takes you through a journey: from the caressing lakeside summer sunset grazing your skin, to the blistering cold wind of the Polish winter piercing your bones. There’s so much poetry in the seemingly quotidian of life that all adds up to something in the end.

Beautifully written with such rich and vivid words, these characters and their lives will definitely stick with me.

“The white winter light still streamed into the room as if into a church, illuminating the floor and us, my heart pumped blood around my body—accelerated but still—and a shiver ran through me, through my entire being, and I felt as if something dead and heavy inside had been expelled, as if I'd been carrying a leaden ghost within me all that time.”

shen

lili🎐

« because you were right when you said that people can’t always give us what we want from them; that you can’t ask them to love you the way you want. no one can be blamed for that »

i was recommended this book right after finishing giovanni's room. and i must say i wasn't sure whether i was going to end liking this book or not, i thought the beginning was slow and hard for me to get into. maybe it IS because i just finished giovanni's room?

but the further i got the more i got into the story and read it in one sitting. i thought the prose was beautiful. 

i truly appreciated the intertwining of the political and personal themes, i usually don't appreciate first pov narratives but this was beautifully done.

i obviously had moments that made me frown a lot but all in all i appreciated this read.

florine

« because you were right when you said that people can’t always give us what we want from them; that you can’t ask them to love you the way you want. no one can be blamed for that »

i was recommended this book right after finishing giovanni's room. and i must say i wasn't sure whether i was going to end liking this book or not, i thought the beginning was slow and hard for me to get into. maybe it IS because i just finished giovanni's room?

but the further i got the more i got into the story and read it in one sitting. i thought the prose was beautiful. 

i truly appreciated the intertwining of the political and personal themes, i usually don't appreciate first pov narratives but this was beautifully done.

i obviously had moments that made me frown a lot but all in all i appreciated this read.

this is my new favorite book, i cried on the tram, it was THAT good

Karo

Stas

emmy 

** spoiler alert **
           This book is a hauntingly beautiful novel that deeply moved me to be honest. Jedrowski's lyrical prose and poignant storytelling illuminate a hidden world of love and longing against the backdrop of political upheaval in 1980s Poland.
What really got me the most about the novel is Jedrowski's portrayal of the intense and forbidden romance between Ludwik and Janusz, set against the backdrop of a repressive regime. And how Jedrowski explores themes of identity, desire, and the search for personal freedom in a world fraught with oppression and secrecy.

Caroline Williams

Beautifully translated piece of queer history from a part of the world I personally haven’t had much interaction with. This story will stick with me for long while.

armoni mayes

This book was honestly very underwhelming to me. It seemed underdeveloped in a plot sense- the author did not do a great job convincing the reader that Ludwik and Janusz are in this longing relationship. I honestly did not think they had fantastic chemistry, which I believe is what the author wanted the reader to see. Maybe if this novel would have been longer the author could have had more time to develop the characters relationship as well as just the characters themselves. It also kept bringing up the famous Baldwin novel,  Giovanni's Room  which is a literal masterpiece. I think the author was trying to draw a comparison between the two...there is no comparison to be had.

Named A Best Book of 2020 by NPR! “Imagine Call Me By Your Name set in Communist Poland and you'll get a sense of Jedrowski's moving debut about a consuming love affair amidst a country being torn apart.” — O, The Oprah Magazine “Captivating both for its shimmering surfaces and its terrifying depths. Tomasz Jedrowski is a remarkable writer.” — Justin Torres, bestselling author of We the Animals Set in early 1980s Poland against the violent decline of Communism, a tender and passionate story of first love between two young men who eventually find themselves on opposite sides of the political divide—a stunningly poetic and heartrending literary debut for fans of André Aciman, Garth Greenwell, and Alan Hollinghurst. When university student Ludwik meets Janusz at a summer agricultural camp, he is fascinated yet wary of this handsome, carefree stranger. But a chance meeting by the river soon becomes an intense, exhilarating, and all-consuming affair. After their camp duties are fulfilled, the pair spend a dreamlike few weeks in the countryside, bonding over an illicit copy of James Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room. Inhabiting a beautiful, natural world removed from society and its constraints, Ludwik and Janusz fall deeply in love. But in their repressive Communist and Catholic society, the passion they share is utterly unthinkable. Once they return to Warsaw, the charismatic Janusz quickly rises in the political ranks of the party and is rewarded with a highly coveted government position. Ludwik is drawn toward impulsive acts of protest, unable to ignore rising food prices and the stark economic disparity around them. Their secret love and personal and political differences slowly begin to tear them apart as both men struggle to survive in a regime on the brink of collapse. Shifting from the intoxication of first love to the quiet melancholy of growing up and growing apart, Swimming in the Dark is a potent blend of romance, postwar politics, intrigue, and history. Lyrical and sensual, immersive and intense, Tomasz Jedrowski’s indelible and thought-provoking literary debut explores freedom and love in all its incarnations.

Teresa Bonifácio

"…we can never run with our lies indefinitely. Sooner or later we are forced to confront their darkness. We can choose the when not the if. And the longer we wait, the more painful and uncertain it will be."

Oh my heart. I really felt all the pain and anguish of Ludwik. The way he sees and what makes him fall in love with Janusz at the summer camp and the way he feels when he sees him for the last time, shows how his character evolved throughout the book. 

This book is about a forbidden love and how the context and the political situation of the country affects it. It's about two different people that fall in love and how sometimes, love is not enough to make people stay together. How one of them doesn't want to settle in a place that's unstable and where you're not free to do anything, and the other wants to stay because in a way he feels that leaving the country will be worse. 

This novel touched me in ways that I wasn't really expecting. Prepare to cry and have your heart broken!

Set in early 1980s Poland against the violent decline of communism, a tender and passionate story of first love between two young men who eventually find themselves on opposite sides of the political divide—a stunningly poetic and heartrending literary debut for fans of Andre Aciman, Garth Greenwell, and Alan Hollinghurst.

When university student Ludwik meets Janusz at a summer agricultural camp, he is fascinated yet wary of this handsome, carefree stranger. But a chance meeting by the river soon becomes an intense, exhilarating, and all-consuming affair. After their camp duties are fulfilled, the pair spend a dreamlike few weeks camping in the countryside, bonding over an illicit copy of James Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room. Inhabiting a beautiful natural world removed from society and its constraints, Ludwik and Janusz fall deeply in love. But in their repressive communist and Catholic society, the passion they share is utterly unthinkable.

Once they return to Warsaw, the charismatic Janusz quickly rises in the political ranks of the party and is rewarded with a highly-coveted position in the ministry. Ludwik is drawn toward impulsive acts of protest, unable to ignore rising food prices and the stark economic disparity around them. Their secret love and personal and political differences slowly begin to tear them apart as both men struggle to survive in a regime on the brink of collapse.

'One of the Most Astonishing Contemporary Gay Novels We Have Ever Read ... a Masterpiece' - Attitude

Rodrigo Figueiredo Severino

One of very few times I cried reading a book. Damn.

** spoiler alert **
           Short and pretty good. Swimming in the dark tells a love story between 2 boys of different political spectrums during the second world war. What a crazy time to disagree politically, huh? Honestly, it's important and kinda non-compromisable even now, let alone then. Like, finding out that your bf is a nazi? What an absolute dealbreaker. This is why we need that political inclination info on dating apps.

I like the writing, Jedrowski's narrative is expressive and heartfelt, beautiful. You can feel the electrifying sparks between the lovebirds, the desperation of Ludwik wading through the mud of poverty, oppression, and discrimination, and his rage for the corrupt authorities and injustice. His only solace was Janusz and their swimming trips. And just how heartbreaking it is that the love of your life is an enemy of your principle? The breaking up part was not even written that explicitly because of how hectic and perilous the moment was. But how the circumstances were laid out was enough for readers to feel for him. I like how it's wrapped up. Kinda choppy, but the direction's realistic, and I agree that there's no future for these 2 people.

Daymaris Arca

Fast read. Once I sat down I was able to finish it pretty quick. Good book but definitely read it at the wrong time. I feel like I would’ve appreciated more if I wasn’t in a reading slump. Still really good.

Lynn

I’m torn on this. I didn’t like the love story. It was actually kind of hard to believe, there was no real build up, no actual insights into why they liked one another or what made their connection strong. I’m sure I missed some of the major themes and motifs as I haven’t yet read Giovanni’s room at the time I picked this up. My favourite parts of the book were Ludwik and Karolina, his relationship with his landlady, the insights into historical Poland and how the socialist/communist backdrop shapes the story of Hania and her family. I actually despised our main character for the first 60% of the book, and continued to vehemently dislike Janusz afterwards. I see the importance of this book in bringing forth Polish literature and to showcase the difficulties of queer relationships in an oppressive regime. However a lot of detail, chemistry and character development was missing for me to enjoy this book to its full extent. Also justice for the professor, I wanted to know more about him.

Joana da Silva

I spent an entire Saturday with Ludwik and Janusz and have yet to find the words to describe how I felt. Beautiful, beautiful writing, the only kind that could make justice to this story and these characters.

Taylor Rae Peterson

This might be my favorite book of the year so far and definitely my favorite LGBTQ+ book of all time. Jedrowski captured every single detail of falling in love perfectly. Such a good read!

alexandra 

tina

”Did you ever have someone like that, someone that you loved in vain when you were younger? Did you ever feel something like my shame? I always assumed that you must have, that you can’t possibly have gone through life as carelessly as you made out. But now I begin to think that not everyone suffers in the same way; that not everyone, in fact, suffers. Not from the same things, at any rate. And in a way this is what made us possible, you and me.”

Alice Myles

"My greatest terror was ending up alone. Yet part of me was sure that’s how I would end up, and that it was the worst thing that could happen to someone"


I might round this up to five later but for now, here's some thoughts. 

This book managed to perfectly encompass my comfort movie genre of chill european social issue dramas in the most beautiful way. If this was an indie film on Netflix I would have ABSORBED it immediately but it's something I've never really read before. The language was so beautiful and ornate that I needed to write down my favourite quotes to come back to again and again. Words are powerful and Tomasz Jedrowski does an absolutely amazing job of stringing them together to make you see and feel and experience everything so vividly. I read it all in one sitting which is something I've struggled to do lately as well. It was heartbreaking yet had so much heart at the same time and just PLEASE READ THIS BOOK OKAY!

This book was full of tenderness, beauty, truth and hurt. I’m crying whilst writing this little burst of thoughts..

The writing was perfect, somehow it felt very comfortable, like a warm blanket. I think what plays a big part in my fondness for this book is how close the culture of it felt. Poland after communism. The censorship, shortage of food, queues at food stores, the hatred for the West and capitalism. Radio Free Europe. Having to have contacts in the Party to even get to school or to a doctor when urgent. All of this I’ve heard in the stories told by my family. I’ve heard of the outcasts, saw the movies. How people told on each other, how they put on a mask; to be accepted, to live. Stories of gay men in these regimes. Secret meet ups at parks. The shame. The love. The existence. Ah.

Knowing that a person in my family had a similar fate. Understanding both Janosz, for choosing security, and Ludwik, for choosing freedom, whatever it took, whatever he’d lost.

I don’t know. I just feel, I feel like this book was meant for me to read.

eve 

This book was full of tenderness, beauty, truth and hurt. I’m crying whilst writing this little burst of thoughts..

The writing was perfect, somehow it felt very comfortable, like a warm blanket. I think what plays a big part in my fondness for this book is how close the culture of it felt. Poland after communism. The censorship, shortage of food, queues at food stores, the hatred for the West and capitalism. Radio Free Europe. Having to have contacts in the Party to even get to school or to a doctor when urgent. All of this I’ve heard in the stories told by my family. I’ve heard of the outcasts, saw the movies. How people told on each other, how they put on a mask; to be accepted, to live. Stories of gay men in these regimes. Secret meet ups at parks. The shame. The love. The existence. Ah.

Knowing that a person in my family had a similar fate. Understanding both Janosz, for choosing security, and Ludwik, for choosing freedom, whatever it took, whatever he’d lost.

I don’t know. I just feel, I feel like this book was meant for me to read.

"Imagine Call Me By Your Name set in Communist Poland and you'll get a sense of Jedrowski's moving debut about a consuming love affair amidst a country being torn apart." -- O, The Oprah Magazine "Captivating both for its shimmering surfaces and its terrifying depths. Tomasz Jedrowski is a remarkable writer." -- Justin Torres, bestselling author of We the Animals Set in early 1980s Poland against the violent decline of Communism, a tender and passionate story of first love between two young men who eventually find themselves on opposite sides of the political divide--a stunningly poetic and heartrending literary debut for fans of André Aciman, Garth Greenwell, and Alan Hollinghurst. When university student Ludwik meets Janusz at a summer agricultural camp, he is fascinated yet wary of this hand-some, carefree stranger. But a chance meeting by the river soon becomes an intense, exhilarating, and all-consuming affair. After their camp duties are ful-filled, the pair spend a dreamlike few weeks in the countryside, bonding over an illicit copy of James Baldwin's Giovanni's Room. Inhabiting a beautiful, natural world removed from society and its con-straints, Ludwik and Janusz fall deeply in love. But in their repressive Communist and Catholic society, the passion they share is utterly unthinkable. Once they return to Warsaw, the charismatic Janusz quickly rises in the political ranks of the party and is rewarded with a highly coveted government position. Ludwik is drawn toward impulsive acts of protest, unable to ignore rising food prices and the stark economic disparity around them. Their secret love and personal and political differences slowly begin to tear them apart as both men struggle to survive in a regime on the brink of collapse. Shifting from the intoxication of first love to the quiet melancholy of growing up and growing apart, Swimming in the Dark is a potent blend of romance, postwar politics, intrigue, and history. Lyrical and sensual, immersive and intense, Tomasz Jedrowski's indelible and thought-provoking literary debut explores freedom and love in all its incarnations. --The Gay & Lesbian Review

Kyle Phillips 

Beautifully written! I'd recommend reading Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin first, it isn't necessarily required reading before picking this up but I definitely got more out of Swimming in the Dark having read Giovanni's Room first

Malgorzata Olszewska

Haunting and lyrical. I felt attached to all the characters right away and the ending left me paralyzed. Beautifully written in a way that everyone can relate to the love story between these two men. I saw myself in Ludwik as I am sure so many others have, and there is always that one Janusz we all have.

Swimming in the Dark A Novel

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