Taha Zaid

The Complete Blueprint to Achieving a Secure Attachment Style in Relationships

Disorganized Attachment No More!

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As infants, they reached out for that love, and in return they were offered abuse, anger, pain, and resulting fear. So now, every time those feelings of vulnerability start to creep too close to the surface, they push away to prevent what they feel is the inevitable pain that will follow.

So even though your partner will find ways to push you away, over and over again, they will try to pull you back in just as strongly. [...] It’s merely a self-preservation tactic that has developed because they have learned to associate a loving relationship with future hurt and pain.

When a child gets a negative response to those cries, whether it's an angry look, a loud, yelling voice, physical abuse, or neglect by the caregiver failing to meet the child's needs, it has the opposite effect. That infant learns that asking for their needs to be met, or openly communicating those needs to someone else, will result in a negative response. They associate those negative responses with reaching out for safety – and learn to associate a fear of rejection and an anger response with open communication.

Disorganized Attachment No More! quotes

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