Taint A Sexual Education Novel

"Right now, you're probably asking yourself two things: Who am I? and What the hell are you doing here? Let's start with the most obvious question, shall we? You're here, ladies, because you can't f*ck." Oh, stop it. Don't cringe. No one under the age of eighty clutches her pearls. You might as well get used to it, because for the next six weeks, you're going to hear that word a lot. And you're going to say it a lot. Go ahead, try it out on your tongue. F*ck. F***ck. Okay, good. Now, where were we? If you enrolled yourself in this program, then you are wholly aware that you're a lousy lay. Good for you. Admitting it is half the battle. For those of you who have been sent here by your husband or significant other, dry your tears and get over it. You've been given a gift, ladies. The gift of mind-blowing, wall-climbing, multiple-orgasm-inducing sex. You have the opportunity to f*ck like a porn star. And I guarantee that you will when I'm done with you. And who am I? Well, for the next six weeks, I will be your lover, your teacher, your best friend, and your worst enemy. Your every-f*cking-thing. I'm the one who is going to save your relationship and your sex life. I am Justice Drake. And I turn housewives into whores. Now . . . who's first?