Simon Barnes

"Originally published in 2014 in Great Britain by Short Books."--Title page verso.

A Journey Through the Entire Animal Kingdom

Ten Million Aliens

Patrick Book

This is easily one of the most interesting books I have ever read. The notion of writing about every single type of animal on the planet at first seemed laughably ludicrous; once I started reading Barnes' prose, at turns dry/factual, pugnacious, absurdly hilarious, and surprisingly poignant, I was thoroughly won over. He discusses every phylum and family imaginable and cherry-picks the most unusual (hence the 'alien' of the title) examples to give the chapters colour. Hence, the lengthy discussion of the female hyena's false penis, the terrifying mastication of the sex organs of the slug, and the species of vampiric animals that actually feed others of their kind who cannot feed themselves. 

But the most striking element of the book is Barnes' continual assertion that these weird and wild examples of the larger animal kingdom serve to underscore that humans are not necessarily the most unique or interesting animal because we are at the top of the food chain, and that we are genetically unable to comprehend the enormity of the types of life forms we share this planet with. In doing so he presents a string of moral quandaries for the reader to consider. The most powerful is perhaps the chapter "The Eden fish," which discusses cleaner fish and their role in the undersea world. 

He talks about the remarkable peace that is generated by cleaner fish, how their ministrations to clean and groom predators result in a mutual trust and advantage; despite the presence of predatory fish, the area inhabited by cleaner fish is calm and free from predation. Peace has broken out in a small corner of the earth, and in a completely natural way that no party is willing to break.

However, there is also a creature called the sabre-toothed blenny. To quote Barnes at length:

"This is a fish that looks exactly like a cleaner fish and even does the same advertising dance as a cleaner fish. But when the bigger fish stretches itself out to be groomed, the sabre-toothed blenny darts in and grabs a mouthful of healthy fish and shoots off at high speed -- thereby creating as big a problem for moralists and creationists as it does for the big fish.

So let me briefly assume the role of moralist. The first moral is that there is no moral. The second moral is that anyone who seeks moral lessons for human life in the wild world needs to be somewhat selective, or better still, blind. The third moral I will leave to James Bond. Here is an extract from the fifth chapter of "Goldfinger": 'A second reason why Bond enjoyed the long vacuum of night duty was that it gave him time to get on with a project he had been toying with for more than a year -- a handbook of all secret methods of unarmed combat. It was to be called "Stay Alive!"' And that, in two words, is the only real moral lesson taught by the wild world. Stay alive, so that you might breed and become an ancestor. Only once you have done so is it suitable to die like salmon in the upper reaches of the rivers they were spawned in, their biological destiny fulfilled.

As humans we need a moral code to live by. We will spend the rest of our existence as a species arguing what that code should be and where our moral duties lie - but we won't argue nearly so much about whether or not a moral code is necessary. Unless you are a philosopher or a sociopath, you accept without needing to be told that we, as individuals and as a society, need a moral code.

The wild world does not tell us that humans can, if they wish, abandon all moral codes, nor does the wild world teach us what that moral code should be. Human wives do not eat the heads of their husbands as a matter of course; nor is there any compelling reason for humans to model their society on a termites' nest, on an underwater cleaning station, or for that matter, on the sabre-toothed blenny. In this book I have constantly stressed the human continuity with our fellow species: and if there is a moral to be drawn from that continuity, it is to do with respect, compassion and generosity, and even love, not untinged by a certain self-interest. But this continuity does not require us to use selective animal behaviours as handy moral fables to stress certain ideas of what humans should be and how we should live our lives. That simply doesn't work."

If that doesn't get you, I sure don't know what will.

Sonia Grgas

4.5 stars. I loved reading about the diversity of life on earth and highly recommend this book to those who are interested in the subject. the authors style is very engaging.

Ten Million Aliens A Journey Through the Entire Animal Kingdom

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