Name: The Grey Bastards
ISBN: 9780356511634

Jonathan French

***THE NUMBER ONE EBOOK BESTSELLER*** 'AN ADDICTIVELY READABLE - AND UNDENIABLY COOL - FANTASY MASTERWORK' Kirkus 'FILTHY, CHARISMATIC AND FRANKLY EXCELLENT' Mark Lawrence BRING ON THE ORCS . . . Jackal is proud to be a Grey Bastard, member of a sworn brotherhood of half-orcs. Unloved and unwanted in civilized society, the Bastards eke out a hard life in the desolate no-man's-land called the Lots, protecting frail and noble human civilization from invading bands of vicious full-blooded orcs. But as Jackal is soon to learn, his pride may be misplaced. Because a dark secret lies at the heart of the Bastards' existence - one that reveals a horrifying truth behind humanity's tenuous peace with the orcs, and exposes a grave danger on the horizon. On the heels of the ultimate betrayal, Jackal must scramble to stop a devastating invasion - even as he wonders where his true loyalties lie. A standout adventure fantasy debut that's down, dirty and damn good fun - perfect for fans of Joe Abercombie, Mark Lawrence, Markus Heitz's Dwarves series and Stan Nicholl's Orcs series. 'A gritty adventure with a fantastic, foul-mouthed voice . . . Fans of Abercrombie's The First Law . . . will like this a lot' Django Wexler 'A bloody good tale of battle, betrayal and war pigs' Brian McClellan 'Jonathan French has to be lauded for his plot ingenuity, bawdry charm and vicious characters. The Grey Bastards has instantaneously catapulted him into my must-read list' Fantasy Book Critic 'I'd like to raise a tankard to The Grey Bastards' brilliance' Fantasy Faction For more Bastards action, check out the sequel: THE TRUE BASTARDS

The Grey Bastards

Sade A

This novel had all the markings to be a really good book but it unfortunately couldn't muster up. From the blurb you think you'll be treated to a hero of epic proportions. i mean he's described as Young, cunning and ambitious So here i am expecting this:

but what you get is a young hero quite alright who isn't quite bright really and about as ambitious a poddle. 
Jackal was basically a leap before you look guy, cannot count the number of times he went into a situation half cocked and ended up being saved by either Fetch or Oats or somebody else. i have to say at a point i was kinda intrigued with the idea that from all accounts he was basically as ordinary as they come. He wasn't the fastest, strongest or really even the worst, he had charisma yes, but i mean you can only take charisma so far in a book.

Also i felt the plot of this book was largely scattered. As this is not a huge series (it's not like you have the luxury of a shit load of books like say Malazan so you feel like you can veer off and explore different plots) i feel authors' in this situation really don't have a lot of time to muck about with their plot. This is largely i feel what killed the book and not even the really interesting fight for like 3 chapters or less towards the end could erase how long winding and totally of course the book went to get to it's point.

I did like the cuss words in the book but at a point it was like, yeah okay, i get you guys have a really colourful vocabulary, get on with the plot. Also they were always so damn horny.. i mean. priorities please, am i reading about treachery, betrayal and whatever sinister thing you can throw in or about people who just want to have sex??

I hope the next book will be better though.

"[A] fantasy masterwork . . . a dirty, blood-soaked gem of a novel [that reads] like Mad Max set in Tolkien's Middle-earth."--Kirkus Reviews (starred review) Jackal and his fellow half-orcs patrol the barren wastes of the Lot Lands, spilling their own damned blood to keep civilized folk safe. A rabble of hard-talking, hog-riding, whore-mongering brawlers they may be, but the Grey Bastards are Jackal's sworn brothers, fighting at his side in a land where there's no room for softness. And once Jackal's in charge--as soon as he can unseat the Bastards' tyrannical, seemingly unkillable founder--there's a few things they'll do different. Better. Or at least, that's the plan. Until the fallout from a deadly showdown makes Jackal start investigating the Lot Lands for himself. Soon, he's wondering if his feelings have blinded him to ugly truths about this world, and the Bastards' place in it. In a quest for answers that takes him from decaying dungeons to the frontlines of an ancient feud, Jackal finds himself battling invading orcs, rampaging centaurs, and grubby human conspiracies alike--along with a host of dark magics so terrifying they'd give even the heartiest Bastard pause. Finally, Jackal must ride to confront a threat that's lain in wait for generations, even as he wonders whether the Bastards can--or should--survive. Delivered with a generous wink to Sons of Anarchy, featuring sneaky-smart worldbuilding and gobs of fearsomely foul-mouthed charm, The Grey Bastards is a grimy, pulpy, masterpiece--and a raunchy, swaggering, cunningly clever adventure that's like nothing you've read before. Praise for The Grey Bastards "Saddle up the war boar and set off on a wild, gory thrill-ride that ends in an awesome climax and begs for a sequel."--Daily Mail (UK) "Non-stop action, though not for faint hearts . . . the Grey Bastards live up to their name in all respects."--The Wall Street Journal

Cams Campbell

A solid 3 stars. It ramped up nicely in the second half and I felt like I knew the characters reasonably well. There's a lot more fleshing out that could be done in the next book, which is a nice way of building a series to keep the reader going. 
The world-building was okay. I look forward to learning more about the world. 
It was a clever way to portray traditional fantasy races with the idea of half-bloods and the racism angle that comes up. Nice to see a strong female lead too, even if she was a little thin in terms of back story. It would be nice to have had a POV shift to Fetch in a chapter or two to flesh her out a bit. 
My favourite thing would have to be the hogs. They sound so cool!

Sarah Escorsa

💀 DNF at 58%.

Yes, I dared DNF and award 1 pathetically miserable little star to a book with a 4.15-star average rating. Not to mention that I had the audacity to write a negative review about it, too. Goes to show that I’ve lost nothing of my legendary despicability, despite all evidence to the contrary. So go me and stuff. (view spoiler)[

 (hide spoiler)]

Sooooo, this would have been a delightful little tale about a bunch of gleeful, fun-loving, pacifist half-orcs (they were shortlisted for the Nobel Peace Prize a few years ago, from what I’m told), had the women in it not been portrayed in a quite very slightly infuriating manner. Which might or might not have possibly made me felt like unleashing my murderous children on the author quite a few times as I was reading the book. 

And what would call for such an uncharacteristic bout of violence on my part, you ask? Well maybe the fact that the female characters in this story—charmingly and most elegantly referred to as “cunnies” and “cunts” and “pussies” and “slashes” and “quims” and other similarly enchanting monikers, because this is a world of manly macho males who are super manly and macho and stuff, and therefore have to show zero bloody shrimping respect for things with “slits” women—are either whores or broodmares barely good enough to raise and feed children. Okay okay, let’s not be too harsh here. It is true that some women in the book do have greater callings. Like being raped. And beaten the crap out of. And enslaved. And generally abused. So yay and stuff.

 

But hey, it’s not ALL bad. Take Fetching’s character for example. (Let’s put aside the fact that she earned this lovely nickname because, as a woman, her two only missions in life are “fucking and fetching,” shall we?) Now there’s a strong, kickass chick! Okay, so she’s Slightly Very Unlikeable (SVU™), but what woman isn’t, I ask you? And it just so happens that she pretends to be gay to better fit in with her Manly Macho Men (M³) colleagues, but there’s nothing really wrong with that, IS THERE? I mean, she's trying Super Extra Hard to be one of the guys, so it would make sense for her to play lesbian, RIGHT? Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that all gay women are masculine as fish and act like men, RIGHT? Besides, it makes sense that Mr French would choose to give dear Fetch all the attributes of masculinity. I mean, it’s not like feminine women who act and dress womanly can be badasses. Of course they can’t. Don’t be silly now. This is a scientifically proven fact that has been scientifically proven numerous times. Most recently by my very good friend Lovely Henry. She’s quite the figurative male, my Henry. It pleases me greatly. (view spoiler)[
 
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Now, the great thing is, not only is this book a highly progressive feminist pamphlet, it also comes fully equipped with truckloads of refined, exquisite lingo reminiscent of The Heresy Within. (I’m beginning to think Messrs French and Hayes are fourth cousins thrice removed or something.) At no extra charge! Imagine that! Ah, the non-stop, crude, lame banter! Ah, the constant sexual references and pathetic dick “cod” puns and jokes and pranks and stuff! Such gloriously bad taste all around! What joy and glee this brings me! 



Oh, and in case you were wondering, no, I ain’t ♫ too proud to beg ♫ one of those clean-reading prudes *shudders* who instantly self-combust in the presence of sexual innuendo and boorish manners. And yes, I understand that this unsavoury display of unsavoury expressions is supposed to be a reflection of what a Neanderthal-like Brutally Brutal Clique (BBC™) the half-orcs are. But does that mean every single distasteful line of every single distasteful dialogue needs to be about sex and/or about women as sex objects to be debased and used? Not unless you’re writing for a bunch of horny, sex-deprived teenage boys, it doesn’t.

➽ Nefarious Last Words (NLW™): this book could have been an entertaining, gritty, violent, deliciously dark fest. Only that it wasn’t. Because putting more focus on your ridiculously sex-obsessed, misogynistic, flat characters than on your plot and world-building does not a good book make. So QED and stuff. 

P.S. I’m unleashing both Lady and her great great grandma Mist on this book. Just so that the supposed hardasses in this book get an idea of what Real Badass Chicks (RBC™) are capable of. I see lots of severed little half-orc heads in this book’s future. Fun times. 



P.P.S. Want to read a Slightly Very Good (SVG™) SPFBO winner with a strong, empowering female character? Read my girlfriend Amra's adventures. You're welcome.



[Pre-review nonsense]

Why DNF such a highly rated book, you ask? Because a) everyone but me has I have Despicable Book Taste (DBT™), b) feminism committed suicide way too many times while I was reading this delightful piece of crap literature and I'm ever so slightly pissed off as a result, c) it kinda sorta reminded me of The Colour of Vengeance *shudders* and d) reasons. Ergo, out of here I am.



➽ Review to come and stuff.

“[A] fantasy masterwork . . . a dirty, blood-soaked gem of a novel [that reads] like Mad Max set in Tolkien’s Middle-earth.”—Kirkus Reviews (starred review) Jackal and his fellow half-orcs patrol the barren wastes of the Lot Lands, spilling their own damned blood to keep civilized folk safe. A rabble of hard-talking, hog-riding, whore-mongering brawlers they may be, but the Grey Bastards are Jackal’s sworn brothers, fighting at his side in a land where there’s no room for softness. And once Jackal’s in charge—as soon as he can unseat the Bastards’ tyrannical, seemingly unkillable founder—there’s a few things they’ll do different. Better. Or at least, that’s the plan. Until the fallout from a deadly showdown makes Jackal start investigating the Lot Lands for himself. Soon, he’s wondering if his feelings have blinded him to ugly truths about this world, and the Bastards’ place in it. In a quest for answers that takes him from decaying dungeons to the frontlines of an ancient feud, Jackal finds himself battling invading orcs, rampaging centaurs, and grubby human conspiracies alike—along with a host of dark magics so terrifying they’d give even the heartiest Bastard pause. Finally, Jackal must ride to confront a threat that’s lain in wait for generations, even as he wonders whether the Bastards can—or should--survive. Delivered with a generous wink to Sons of Anarchy, featuring sneaky-smart worldbuilding and gobs of fearsomely foul-mouthed charm, The Grey Bastards is a grimy, pulpy, masterpiece—and a raunchy, swaggering, cunningly clever adventure that’s like nothing you’ve read before. Praise for The Grey Bastards “Saddle up the war boar and set off on a wild, gory thrill-ride that ends in an awesome climax and begs for a sequel.”—Daily Mail (UK) “Non-stop action, though not for faint hearts . . . the Grey Bastards live up to their name in all respects.”—The Wall Street Journal

A Novel

Tetiana Bilokin

Jenna Kathleen

Heather

Daniel Kirwan

'Gore-splattered, foul-mouthed adventure . . . gloriously dirty' Kirkus (starred review) Following the runaway success of Jonathan French's critically acclaimed fantasy adventure The Grey Bastards comes book two in the Lot Lands series - The True Bastards. Fetching was once the only female rider in the Lot Lands. Now she is the leader of her own hoof, a band of loyal half-orcs sworn to her command. But the hoof she inherited is on the brink of collapse. Tested to the breaking point by the burdens of leadership, Fetching battles desperately to stave off famine, desertion and the scorn of the other half-orc chieftains, even as orcs and humans alike threaten the Lots' very existence. Then an old enemy finds a way to strike at her from beyond the grave - and suddenly only one faint hope for salvation remains. Praise for the series: 'Filthy, charismatic and frankly excellent' Mark Lawrence 'A gritty adventure with a fantastic, foul-mouthed voice' Django Wexler 'A bloody good tale of battle, betrayal and war pigs' Brian McClellan 'Jonathan French has to be lauded for his plot ingenuity, bawdry charm and vicious characters.' Fantasy Book Critic 'I'd like to raise a tankard to The Grey Bastards' brilliance' Fantasy Faction

Book Two of the Lot Lands

The True Bastards

'AN ADDICTIVELY READABLE - AND UNDENIABLY COOL - FANTASY MASTERWORK' Kirkus 'FILTHY, CHARISMATIC AND FRANKLY EXCELLENT' Mark Lawrence BRING ON THE ORCS . . . Jackal is proud to be a Grey Bastard, member of a sworn brotherhood of half-orcs. Unloved and unwanted in civilized society, the Bastards eke out a hard life in the desolate no-man's-land called the Lots, protecting frail and noble human civilization from invading bands of vicious full-blooded orcs. But as Jackal is soon to learn, his pride may be misplaced. Because a dark secret lies at the heart of the Bastards' existence - one that reveals a horrifying truth behind humanity's tenuous peace with the orcs, and exposes a grave danger on the horizon. On the heels of the ultimate betrayal, Jackal must scramble to stop a devastating invasion - even as he wonders where his true loyalties lie. A standout adventure fantasy debut that's down, dirty and damn good fun - perfect for fans of Joe Abercombie, Mark Lawrence, Markus Heitz's Dwarves series and Stan Nicholl's Orcs series. 'A gritty adventure with a fantastic, foul-mouthed voice . . . Fans of Abercrombie's The First Law . . . will like this a lot' Django Wexler 'A bloody good tale of battle, betrayal and war pigs' Brian McClellan 'Jonathan French has to be lauded for his plot ingenuity, bawdry charm and vicious characters. The Grey Bastards has instantaneously catapulted him into my must-read list' Fantasy Book Critic 'I'd like to raise a tankard to The Grey Bastards' brilliance' Fantasy Faction

The Grey Bastards

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