Name: The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali
Rating: 3.710526315789474 (57 reviews)
ISBN: 9781338227017

Sabina Khan

With a welcome mix of humor, heart, and high-stakes drama, Sabina Khan provides a timely and honest portrait of what it's like to grow up feeling unwelcome in your own culture.

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali

jess

This book packed a huge punch. I wasn't expecting such a ride when I cracked it open, but The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali was brutal in its events. It centers around a young Bengali lesbian living in a conservative Muslim family and her struggles after being taken to Bangladesh for an arranged marriage, and Rukhsana's story was a lot to read.

Rukhsana was by far the most well-written out of all the characters. A lot of the book shows her experience of being caught between two cultures, Bengali and American, because both cultures have shaped her to be who she is. I wasn't expecting such a in-depth thought-provoking discussion of what it's like to straddle different cultures. It's clear Rukhsana, most of the time, loves being Bengali. We get so many wonderful descriptions of Bangladeshi food and the city of Dhaka, Rukhsana and her friend Shaila shopping for saris and shalwar kameez with Rukhsana describing how beautiful they are. Yet there are painful parts to it too, just as there are painful parts to being in American culture. Rukhsana makes a point that she doesn't want to be a representation of her culture, that she doesn't want her culture to be seen negatively because it's more than homophobia.

The rest of the characters were all fairly one-dimensional, especially when it came to Rukhsana's parents. The book shows that there are many open-minded Bangladeshis, like Shaila and Sohail. Rukhsana's parents are not one of them, and for most of the book they absolutely infuriated me. I felt like they had almost no nuance to them: for most of the book, they were staunchly against Rukhsana trying to escape Bangladesh by forcing her into an arranged marriage, and absolutely demonized to the point where it didn't seem like they would be getting any redemption. (view spoiler)[ Yet they did at the end, and their views changed like whiplash, which was really jarring. I don't know how to feel about it - on one hand I felt it was really unrealistic, but on the other hand, it was cute and heartwarming to see her family understand her sexuality and accept Rukhsana for who she is. (hide spoiler)] I wasn't super into Ariana and Rukhsana's romance, either; it felt like they had no chemistry.

The plot took a long time to get rolling. It felt like barely anything was happening for the first one hundred and fifty or so pages. A lot of the reason behind this, I think, is the writing, which feels choppy and disjointed throughout the whole thing. Also, there's so much telling rather than showing: Rukhsana telling you her emotions, backstory being told by Rukhsana instead of weaved through the story, and a very direct way of writing that I had a problem with. It took a long time to get used to, and even then, I felt very emotionally disconnected from Rukhsana even though her story itself was incredibly engaging. Yes, the book was sad, but it was the events and not the narration that did it for me. One event in particular, near the end of the book, made me hugely uncomfortable.

However, I think that The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali is definitely a book that people should read. We don't get many books about queer South Asians, and this book centres on queer South Asians and how difficult it can be, but also shows that there is hope for queer South Asians to be themselves.

content warning: sexual assault, homophobia, Islamophobia, domestic violence, (view spoiler)[bury your gays trope (hide spoiler)]

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A timely and honest coming-of-age story that explores the complicated relationship between identity, culture, family, and love. Seventeen-year-old Rukhsana Ali tries her hardest to live up to her conservative Muslim parents' expectations, but lately she's finding that impossible to do. She rolls her eyes when they blatantly favour her brother and saves her crop tops and makeup for parties her parents don't know about. If she can just hold out another few months, Rukhsana will be out of her familial home and away from her parents' ever-watchful eyes at Caltech, a place where she thinks she can finally be herself. But when she is caught kissing her girlfriend Ariana, her devastated parents take Rukhsana to Bangladesh, where everything she had been planning is out of reach. There, immersed in a world of tradition and arranged marriages, Rukhsana finds the perspective she's been looking for in her grandmother's old diary. The only question left for her to answer is: Can she fight for the life she wants without losing her family in the process?

Flavia Louise

This book is incredibly heavy. I cried multiple times while reading it because I was very emotionally involved in the characters. Please be cautious going into this book as it features a lot of triggering content.

Ambreen Hasan

Yeah. This one hurt.

I took a star off because I didn't think the writing was very well done. It could definitely use a few more edits since things just seemed all over the place.

Grace O'Callaghan

CW: Islamophobia, homophobia, colorism, exorcism, child abuse, domestic abuse, sexual assault, starvation, drugging, violence, murder

- Please note that this is not an ownvoices review on the Bengali representation

This is not one of those 2 star reviews where it was just a book I disliked. This was one of those books where I loved some parts and hated others, and the bits I didn’t like won slightly. 

Rukhsana Ali lives in a household that she knows won’t accept her if she comes out as gay. But when her mother walks in on her kissing her girlfriend, they go to Bangladesh to try to marry her off.

Like a lot of people, I found the writing to be not great. It was very disjointed with too much telling and not enough showing. I also found the dialogue to not be the most natural.

I found the majority of the characters to be pretty forgettable and not have much substance to them. Rukhsana and her grandmother were definitely the most fleshed out. 

My favourite part about the book was Rukhsana’s relationship with her grandmother. I loved how strong their connection was and that Rukhsana has someone who loved her for who she was amongst all the people trying to change her.

I really appreciated seeing ownvoices Bengali representation. I loved learning about different wedding traditions and food. I’m not sure if the liking girls part is ownvoices, but it was done well in my opinion.

There’s also no one representation of a Bengali person in this book. We see many that are accepting of LGBTQ+ people and some that aren’t. They’re never painted as evil, but just something they’ve been taught to believe. Rukhsana talks about feeling like she has to represent her whole community when she’s hanging around her friends and how that’s a lot to put on to one person.

A lot of my issues with this book revolve around the pacing and plot. I found the book to be very repetitive with its arguments. I understand that they’re not solved in one conversation, but we kept having scenes where people would argue and nothing new was brought up.

My biggest gripe with this book was the ending. If you’ve read it you know what I’m talking about, but the thing that happened felt extremely cheap and glossed over. The whole ending just felt very rushed and I hated how it wrapped up into a nice neat bow.

There are a lot of heavy topics in this book and I think the majority of them are dealt with with care. However I feel like the tone of the book didn’t know what it wanted to be. As the writing was so disjointed, something bad would happen and in the next scene it was all happy families and going shopping. There was no smooth tonal shift so I almost got whiplash.

All in all, I think this book has a lot of things going for it but the bad outweighed the good in my opinion. I’d still recommend to someone looking for Bengali, Muslim and/or lesbian representation, or for anyone that wants a book that deals with some hard topics well.

Tiffany Robinson

I could not get into this book. I felt like I never go t to know any of the characters and the relationship the main character and her girlfriend felt forced and I felt like it was there to just cause drama because I never really got to know them as a couple

Kimberlee Southard

I loved the themes and representation in this book. I loved the setting and food descriptions. I wished there was even more. I picked the book because of its unique (for YA) setting. 

The beginning of the book was very slow and the scenes began to feel very repetitive. 

I thought Ariana, the girlfriend, was kind of annoying. I was actually hoping for them not to reunite in the end, but decide to stay friends. She just wasn't fleshed out enough as a character before her and Rukhsana started having issues. There was nothing there for me to root for. She wasn't even the character that Rukhsana relied on emotionally. She was more of a plot device than a person.

The dialogue came off as inauthentic in a lot of places, not eye-roll worthy bad, but enough that it was distracting sometimes. 

Some of her friendships developed so fast I found it truly unbelievable. I like Sohail, but did not believe they would have been such fast allies. I also didn't really buy that he needed (**SPOILERS FOLLOW**) to pretend to be engaged to Rukhsana to get out of his situation. The friendship with Ifran and Sara also happened and deepened too fast to be believed. 

Though the quick and deep method of relationships might just be Rukhsana's way because she also forgave her parents for kidnapping her, drugging her, de-jinning her, marrying her off like a commodity, holding her hostage, insulting her, silencing her, etc, etc, etc, etc so fast my head was spinning. 

I felt like the author tacked the fact that her mother was sexual abused by her father onto the end just to help ease the path to Rukhsana forgiving her, because she was a victim as well. But being a victim does not excuse victimizing in turn. 

So, overall, I liked the feeling of the book, but I also found some parts harder to swallow than others.

Beatriz

Becca Futrell

Abi Baker

Apparently, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single Bengali girl of marrying age must be in want of a husband.

content warnings: on page rape, domestic abuse, violence, homophobia, racism, death of gay character

My god, this book was beyond depressing. 

Rukhsana has her life all figured out, but her super conservative parents have other ideas for her and during the course of the book we are treated to (view spoiler)[a semi exorcism, an arranged marriage, her parents hitting her and of course the standard denial and shame surrounding her sexuality. (hide spoiler)] I fully understand that this is a reality for Bengali people/Muslims, but for some reason I was expecting this book to be a little bit more upbeat than it actually was. Rukhsana was a likeable enough protagonist though. I just wish we could have stories that aren’t quite as sad.

Geneviève Rouleau

TW : racism, domestic abuse, rape, violence, hate crimes

Rukhsana is navigating life as a queer teenager in an Indian-American family. It was such an intense rollercoaster ride, super entertaining as well as heart wrenching. This book explores various forms of relationships (friendships, romantic, family, etc.) and works hard on dismantling outdated concepts (ex : Rukshana's worth as a bride is measured by her looks and possessions, while she fights to be recognized for her accomplishments. & to like also not be married off against her will.) 

I could NOT put this book down. But even if this story ended well for Rukshana, it's the real-life story of so many girls out there. Who aren't as fortunate.

Also, the audiobook narrator (who also narrated Don't Read the Comments) is absolutely amazing!!

Jessica 

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Review also found here at Booked J. 

(4.5) The review at the top of this book by Sandhya Menon should be taken as the gospel: this book will break your heart and then piece it back together again. The Love & Lies of Rukhsana Ali can be described only as this. Sabina Khan makes sure of this by crafting a story that is equally heartbreaking and heart warming.  

Readers must bring a box of tissues with them whilst embarking on this story. If you are deeply effected by emotions, this book will definitely tug you in multiple directions. The aching of the heart. Sometimes, you will smile at the sweeter moments. Other times, you will balk away from it in horror and pain. This is merely the sign of The Love & Lies of Rukhsana Ali and Khan's brilliance. 

All good literature provokes thought, and an array of feelings, and if there's one thing that this book does, it is that. Similarly as with Aisha Saeed's 2014 (?) novel Written in the Stars, this novel is not an easy one to read. But, it is a highly worthwhile read to expose yourself to if possible. 

While Khan's prose is easy to get lost within, the central story arches vary from the sweetly toned coming of age elements (first love) to tangles of many other difficult topics (such as homophobia, racism, arranged marriages, kidnapping, an instance in which the main character is drugged, a journal entry that addresses sexual violence that took place against the main character's family and more) that will likely make your stomach churn. 

I had to put this book down several times whilst reading it but this was certainly something that led to the highly potent impact the story had on me emotionally. I couldn't stop thinking about it and it's taken me a couple of days to sort out my emotions towards the novel itself. Here's what I know: I will never, ever forget The Love & Lies of Rukhsana Ali. 

This is definitely a must-read release of 2019. However, it is also a highly triggering read that I am not able to recommend for everyone and there's no going around that fact. Due to this, look up above at the topics previously mentioned and proceed with caution if you feel these topics aren't going to trigger you.

Beth Bartholomew

I absolutely loved this book, it was such an enjoyable and educational read. I learnt a lot about Bengali culture and what it is like to be within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum inside of that community. This book follows Rukhsana as she tries to maintain her relationship with her girlfriend, whilst also trying to be accepted by her family. 

I finished this book the same day I started it because I couldn't put it down. I felt so immersed in the story, I needed to know how it ended. It continuously shocked me and I felt my mouth hang open more than a few times! Rukhsana is constantly having to live up to the expectations set by her Muslim family and you can see this is a struggle for her as she also tries to keep hold of her own identity. 

The harrowing thing is, this story is fictional, but it is based on the facts people like Rukhsana have to live through. The difference in culture and beliefs means it is at times life-threatening to admit to being who you truly are. I felt terrified for Rukhsana for most of this book, it was so well written I felt like I was there with her. 

Sabina Khan has written an emotional story here that sheds light onto something I didn't know much about. I'm very glad I decided to pick it up to read during Pride Month.

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali

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