John Scalzi

In this novelette, the worlds of John Scalzis Hugo-nominated "Old Mans War" and its sequel "The Ghost Brigades" are explored from the point of view of Lieutenant Jane Sagan, who in a series of diary entries gives her views on some of the events included in the series, and sheds new light into some previously unexplored corners.

The Sagan Diary

High Fidelity

You have been long forgiven by me, and all that I would have between us now is companionship and love. You are my last and best friend. Remember that when your burden of guilt weighs you down.

You are my last and best friend. Remember that when your burden of guilt weighs you down.

Sex is not a holy or sacred thing or a physical ma-chine to express a separate emotion. I fuck to enjoy myself and to celebrate the fact I am alive. I understand the idea of making love, but it seems a bad way to go about it. I don't fuck to show my love. I love to show my love and let the fucking be its own thing. I love you and I love fucking you and I have no need to complicate either with the other. They are both true statements and they are both good. I am content to have them remain that way.

It was something I had never done before and will not do with anyone else. You opened me to desire, and I desire not to desire anyone but you.

This is what fear does: presents you with what you can bear, so that when he shows you what is unbearable, you will open wider to let him feed on your heart. I know this and even knowing this does not keep me from a moment of satisfaction, and the hope that Fear will step away from my table. Fear allows you a moment to hope that he doesn't truly know what will break you. But he does, and he proves it to me by showing me you, and showing you without me.

What I fear is diminishment, and subtle change, and the moment in which a life without you becomes a sustainable thought.

I love you now and will not regret having loved you and will not fear loving you forward. I am here now and I am with you. It is enough for as long as I have it.

With that thought I accept what I must from Fear and move toward you. Negotiations are closed, and you and I remain.

The Sagan Diary quotes

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