Amber Smith

All Eden wants is to rewind the clock. To live that day again. She would do everything differently. Not laugh at his jokes or ignore the way he was looking at her that night. And she would definitely lock her bedroom door.
But Eden can't turn back time so she buries the truth, along with the girl she uses to be. She pretends she doesn't need justice. But as her world unravels, one thing becomes clear: the only person who can save Eden...is Eden.

The Way I Used to Be

Kiyarra

All you have to do is act normal and okay, and people start treating you that way

When I come out of my bedroom later that night, I force myself not to apologize to them. Because I desperately want to, want their approval---crave it. But I have to start standing up for myself. And it has to start with them, because it was woth them that it began.

Nova <3

“ And suddenly the reality of it all comes crashing down like a storm inside of me—it feels like someone’s taking my internal organs and twisting them into demented balloon animals. “

“ If words are weapons, if they could wound physically, then he just shot a hundred-pound cannonball through the center of my body. “

“Are you really okay?” I nod, even though I’m not sure if I am — if I ever will be. 

“ It feels like that scene in The Wizard of Oz when everything changes from black and white to color. “

Jazz

Because whatever he thinks I am, I’m not. And whatever he thinks my body is, it isn’t. My body is a torture chamber. It’s a fucking crime scene.

rudolf

I study that word, Mom. It looks wrong. I can't remember the last time I thought of her as "Mom.” Somehow it feels easier-more appropriate, even-to think of my parents as Vanessa and Connor. 

" Because whatever he thinks I am, I'm not. And whatever he thinks my body is, it isn't. My body is a torture chamber. Is a fucking crime scene. Hideous things have happened here”

OH MY FUCKING GOD. This was heartbreaking in a way I can’t describe 

taci

This book might be triggering to victims of SA. However as a victim myself to be honest,  I really liked this book because it brings in a reality and a perspective on a way deeper level that you couldn’t possibly imagine. It was so emotional, depressing and sad but unfortunately that is the reality of this world. This story is truly heartbreaking but the ending brings in comfort and relief. 

kendy mariano

I have a deep attachment to the characters of this book. I just felt so much sorrow for Eden. I appreciated how the author waited to show us exactly what happened to Eden, as she herself came to grips with what had happened. Waiting to tell us showed us how she felt very out of body and mind and couldn't really grasp what had occurred until she hit rock bottom and realized that she really needed help. It put us more into her coping mechanisms and the reality of what a victim in this circumstance would feel and think. Very haunting, and a book that'll stay with me for a long time.

Sarah Campbell

tugged at my heartstrings as i was busy looking in the mirror for eden

i cried a lot and i feel like everybody was HORRIBLE with her, the way she started behaving clearly was a way of asking for help, and not even her bsf could see that, everybody was like MEAN AND DISGUSTING i hated them idc, and i didnt really felt like i read anything it all goes by basically. The book is good tho, just really though and sometimes stupid

renata hernandez

This book was really good. I would have read it in one sitting if i hadn’t started it so late at night 

ava<3

I did enjoy the book. Some of it was very juvenile but it got more mature as the book went on. This isn’t typically the book I would read but I’m glad i read it. It made me cry so points for that. I related too hard to this book 

Wenn du denkst, wie ich dachte, dass dies ein Buch darüber ist, über eine Vergewaltigung hinwegzukommen, liegst du falsch. Denn wie könnte jemand jemals darüber hinwegkommen? Sie tun es nicht, sie leben einfach weiter damit. Das ist es, worum es in diesem Buch geht. Es geht um die Hässlichkeit, die danach kommt. Die Depression und Angst und vor allem die Leere. Der Wunsch, Emotionen zu kontrollieren und etwas zu fühlen, über das Sie keine Kontrolle haben. dies war kein leichtes Buch. Es war chaotisch und emotional und erschwerend, denn so fühlt es sich an.

Diese Charaktere waren so real und dies war eine so großartige Darstellung der hässlichen Seite, ein Opfer nach der Vergewaltigung als Teenager zu sein. Ich liebte es, den Fortschritt von Jahr zu Jahr zu sehen und wie dunkel Eden wurde.

Dies ist das einzige Mal, dass ich wünschte, ein Buch wäre nicht so lebhaft geschrieben worden, weil es mich innerlich getötet hat, um Edens Albtraum immer und immer wieder zu erleben.

Ich mag vielleicht nicht mit dem Weg übereinstimmen, den sie eingeschlagen hat, aber das ist ihre Geschichte. So ist sie mit ihren Trauma umgegangen. Diese Person in ihrem Leben, der sie lange vertraut hat, versuchte ihre Stärke zu nehmen, aber sie kämpfte.

PS: 400 Seiten in weniger als zwei Tage fertig gelesen 🤓

Fatima

Wenn du denkst, wie ich dachte, dass dies ein Buch darüber ist, über eine Vergewaltigung hinwegzukommen, liegst du falsch. Denn wie könnte jemand jemals darüber hinwegkommen? Sie tun es nicht, sie leben einfach weiter damit. Das ist es, worum es in diesem Buch geht. Es geht um die Hässlichkeit, die danach kommt. Die Depression und Angst und vor allem die Leere. Der Wunsch, Emotionen zu kontrollieren und etwas zu fühlen, über das Sie keine Kontrolle haben. dies war kein leichtes Buch. Es war chaotisch und emotional und erschwerend, denn so fühlt es sich an.

Diese Charaktere waren so real und dies war eine so großartige Darstellung der hässlichen Seite, ein Opfer nach der Vergewaltigung als Teenager zu sein. Ich liebte es, den Fortschritt von Jahr zu Jahr zu sehen und wie dunkel Eden wurde.

Dies ist das einzige Mal, dass ich wünschte, ein Buch wäre nicht so lebhaft geschrieben worden, weil es mich innerlich getötet hat, um Edens Albtraum immer und immer wieder zu erleben.

Ich mag vielleicht nicht mit dem Weg übereinstimmen, den sie eingeschlagen hat, aber das ist ihre Geschichte. So ist sie mit ihren Trauma umgegangen. Diese Person in ihrem Leben, der sie lange vertraut hat, versuchte ihre Stärke zu nehmen, aber sie kämpfte.

PS: 400 Seiten in weniger als zwei Tage fertig gelesen 🤓

This is one that takes time to process. The content of this book take a toll on you mentally, physically, and emotionally. I read a book in high school called Speak and having experienced that and this one, these are books that everyone should read. These are stories that exist out there and this was so powerful. This shows a result of what can happen after experiencing what the main character did in this. How difficult it can be to talk especially when those around you have turned on you. This was just so powerfully done and the quotes in this book are the ones that will always stick with me. I’m also so happy there is a second book because I want to know more about what happened to her. How her story continues. 

Priscilla Stanfield

4.5/5⭐️ 

This book hurt.

This is one that takes time to process. The content of this book take a toll on you mentally, physically, and emotionally. I read a book in high school called Speak and having experienced that and this one, these are books that everyone should read. These are stories that exist out there and this was so powerful. This shows a result of what can happen after experiencing what the main character did in this. How difficult it can be to talk especially when those around you have turned on you. This was just so powerfully done and the quotes in this book are the ones that will always stick with me. I’m also so happy there is a second book because I want to know more about what happened to her. How her story continues. 

"je ne ressens rien d'autre du tout. Juste de la haine."

il n'y a pas de mots pour parler de ce roman, je ne vois même pas comment c'est possible

je me suis retrouvée dans les actes d'Éden. dans les mots qu'elle reçoit de ses proches. dans toutsles reproches. de toutes ses erreurs. de comment elle se soigne  

c'est un sentiment étrange de finir une lecture de cette façon.

Loéva 

"je ne ressens rien d'autre du tout. Juste de la haine."

il n'y a pas de mots pour parler de ce roman, je ne vois même pas comment c'est possible

je me suis retrouvée dans les actes d'Éden. dans les mots qu'elle reçoit de ses proches. dans toutsles reproches. de toutes ses erreurs. de comment elle se soigne  

c'est un sentiment étrange de finir une lecture de cette façon.

Catia

this book was so heartbreaking. i loved it and almost cried because of it. 5⭐️

Maria M

Ximena Calvo

The Way I Used To Be

Melissa Palmer

Book #122 Read in 2015
The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith

At the start of this book, Eden is raped by her brother's best friend. He tells her no one will believe her if she tells them what happened...so she doesn't. This decision sends Eden down a path that no one would have ever predicted for her. Told in four sections (each section is a grade level in high school) readers will read about Eden spiraling out of control and desperately in need of help. This book is powerfully raw and heavily emotional...and oh so good....Smith writes well and has her characters complex enough to keep readers engaged for over 350 pages. I received a copy of this book from Amazon Vine in exchange for a honest review.

http://melissasbookpicks.blogspot.com

A New York Times bestseller. In the tradition of Speak, this extraordinary debut novel “is a poignant book that realistically looks at the lasting effects of trauma on love, relationships, and life” (School Library Journal, starred review). Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes. What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be. Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.

Raven K

this book was beautiful. it hurt at times and I cried a little bit. it was in no way easy to read. at times I wanted to just stop reading. it wasn't enjoyable at all, but it was a necessary read.

This book is a page-turning, tragic, and profound work of art. Read it!! 

Zoey Novak

Just loved this book so much , Joshua Miller  goshhhh who would do something like that 

Kamakshi Rathore 

this book was really well written and hits you hard in the first couple chapters, but the middle of the book felt like filler and it was hard to push through. I liked the ending and I feel it was a great way to end the story

zonaira parsa

I can’t not give this book 5 stars. The way Amber wrote about this truly awful and troubling subject in a way that is respectful and thoughtful to survivors, it’s amazing. I’m not someone who has ever been through anything like that but it’s massively opened my eyes as to how deeply it can affect not only the victim but people around them. I can’t wait to read the sequel when it’s released, I can’t wait to see Edens happy ending that she deserves 🩷

Absolutely beautiful story.. shows growth and how you need to help yourself. Life happens to you, some in worst ways than others, but you have the inner strength to get through it. Even if you don’t think you do. 

Jodie Reads

I thought this book was very very good. It covers a topic we unfortunately hear too much of but from a more personal point of view. I loved seeing the state of mind the main character goes through and how she evolves as the book goes. I truly could not put it down and finished it in 2 days which is rare for me. Definitely recommend it. 

Victoria Maier 

Well-written book; this was emotionally hard to get through 

Kathryn Larson

Basing this solely on my personal experience/emotions and the message this story tells. That it is never too late to talk about sexual assault. Overall, the story was fast pace. Wish it would of provided more of what Eden felt and went through in those three years. 

The Way I Used to Be

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