Name: A Well-Trained Wife
ISBN: 9781250288288

Tia Levings

My Escape from Christian Patriarchy

A Well-Trained Wife

Tia put into words things I’ve either experienced, heard about in whispers, or for the more specifically religious experiences- simply wondered on a casual stumble upon an evangelical influencer or show on what could be or historically has been beneath the surface. 

It’s pretty mind blowing when you step back and realize women are essential for continuing a movement hinged on making them submissive and oppressed, they are needed to vote, caretake, and provide free labor to bolster the cause and yet are disrespected at each turn. Tia slowly fell into this culture, questioning it all the way and yet it still happened, and it will forever live in my mind her description of realizations that (paraphrasing) sometimes it’s like a rising dawn and sometimes it’s quick like the light of an interrogation. 

I also feel on her sharing solely the abusive relationship aspect, this story would help someone questioning “why didn’t they leave?” Tia went through so many different routes, even in efforts of just harm reduction for that time being, and you can see how life is more nuanced than a binary stay or leave especially with children. 

I read this via audio and I highly recommend that format. 

Abigail

Tia put into words things I’ve either experienced, heard about in whispers, or for the more specifically religious experiences- simply wondered on a casual stumble upon an evangelical influencer or show on what could be or historically has been beneath the surface. 

It’s pretty mind blowing when you step back and realize women are essential for continuing a movement hinged on making them submissive and oppressed, they are needed to vote, caretake, and provide free labor to bolster the cause and yet are disrespected at each turn. Tia slowly fell into this culture, questioning it all the way and yet it still happened, and it will forever live in my mind her description of realizations that (paraphrasing) sometimes it’s like a rising dawn and sometimes it’s quick like the light of an interrogation. 

I also feel on her sharing solely the abusive relationship aspect, this story would help someone questioning “why didn’t they leave?” Tia went through so many different routes, even in efforts of just harm reduction for that time being, and you can see how life is more nuanced than a binary stay or leave especially with children. 

I read this via audio and I highly recommend that format. 

“In our fear, we lived inside a bubble of our own making. The world was not inherently dangerous.” 

High control religious groups often promote this type of fear - leading to the rise in homeschooling and shows such as 19 Kids and Counting. What many on the outside do not realize is that outward appearances, often depicting seemingly well behaved children and homemade food, are hiding much more insidious motives. Tia’s story is one of a powerful reckoning. One woman, growing up in an environment that gave her no voice, and finding her own way after living an early adulthood with no autonomy. 

“The rules weren’t love. And I deserved love. It was both, and. Not either, or. Authoritarian high control religion doesn’t allow for both, and. Everything is either, or. Same thing with high control politics. Having health and balance then means being able to hold both. And to do that, one has to be open, willing, curious, kind. That doesn’t sound selfish.”

“The fundamentalists and evangelicals, now one and the same since the Trump administration, wanted to cast the fallen son of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting as a single bad apple. But he wasn’t a single bad apple. He was a product of their making. Duggar was the fruit of a high control system that taught children from infancy to suppress their needs and conform or be beaten. It taught first born sons would become eventual patriarchs. It gave young children a premature and inappropriate amount of authority over their younger siblings. It taught males are entitled to gratification and servitude from females who can’t say no, either to men or to God. Josh Duggar registered no guilt for his crimes, because since childhood he grew up with an external moral compass and a feeling of entitlement to women’s bodies. Remembering that IBLP homeschool groups want to run our country the way they run their homes, I suddenly remembered why it mattered so much that I talk about what it’s really like in those households.” 

As a former IFB homeschooled kid, I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

Kaylee Weaver

“In our fear, we lived inside a bubble of our own making. The world was not inherently dangerous.” 

High control religious groups often promote this type of fear - leading to the rise in homeschooling and shows such as 19 Kids and Counting. What many on the outside do not realize is that outward appearances, often depicting seemingly well behaved children and homemade food, are hiding much more insidious motives. Tia’s story is one of a powerful reckoning. One woman, growing up in an environment that gave her no voice, and finding her own way after living an early adulthood with no autonomy. 

“The rules weren’t love. And I deserved love. It was both, and. Not either, or. Authoritarian high control religion doesn’t allow for both, and. Everything is either, or. Same thing with high control politics. Having health and balance then means being able to hold both. And to do that, one has to be open, willing, curious, kind. That doesn’t sound selfish.”

“The fundamentalists and evangelicals, now one and the same since the Trump administration, wanted to cast the fallen son of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting as a single bad apple. But he wasn’t a single bad apple. He was a product of their making. Duggar was the fruit of a high control system that taught children from infancy to suppress their needs and conform or be beaten. It taught first born sons would become eventual patriarchs. It gave young children a premature and inappropriate amount of authority over their younger siblings. It taught males are entitled to gratification and servitude from females who can’t say no, either to men or to God. Josh Duggar registered no guilt for his crimes, because since childhood he grew up with an external moral compass and a feeling of entitlement to women’s bodies. Remembering that IBLP homeschool groups want to run our country the way they run their homes, I suddenly remembered why it mattered so much that I talk about what it’s really like in those households.” 

As a former IFB homeschooled kid, I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

A Well-Trained Wife My Escape from Christian Patriarchy

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