Alfie Kohn

The author of Punished by Rewards and The School Our Children Deserve builds on his parenting theories of working with children rather than trying to control them, argues against practices that teach children that they must earn a parent's approval, and presents techniques that promote desired child qualities through unconditional support. Reprint. 30,000 first printing.

Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

Unconditional Parenting

Wojciech Waśniewski

Interesting perspective on parenting. Probably a bit too extreme, a bit too preachy, and the author spends far too much time on the "wrong" practices, and far too little on what "good" parenting actually looks like, but definitely worth a read.
I would be interested to read a similarly persuasive book(s) from the "behaviourist" camp to form a more informed opinion - especially that in general I'm implicitly biased against behaviourism - any recommendations would be much appreciated!

Helene Utterback

Read this even if you don't plan on being a parent. It gives really good insight into what we internalize from the way we were raised.

Jenni Pertuset

I read this shortly after my daughter was born and it was such a powerful experience. Unconditional Parenting caused me to rethink my most basic expectations of how to parent. Though I knew I didn’t want to punish my daughter as I had been punished, I had not considered the damage of a practice such as time outs, nor had I thought of the ways we control children through praise. I especially appreciated how Kohn cracked open the subject of what “works” by asking: “works to do what?” 

He looks closely at what punishment and praise do to children and to our relationships with them, and how ultimately they undermine our relationships and our effectiveness as parents, however much they might tempt us with short term success -- when success is defined as controlling our children’s behavior.

(Not incidentally, this book also helped me understand why the criminal justice system I was a part of was so ineffectual and unsatisfying to work in, and ultimately led me to close my legal practice.)

Nadine 

Not a comfortable book- challenges all the conventional ideas of punishment and reward in parenting and offers alternatives that embrace unconditional love and consistent guidance as an alternative

Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

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