Written in Red

Best thing I’ve read in ages. Couldn’t put it down. I was only 2 chapters in and purchased the entire series that’s how good it was.

I utterly, utterly loved reading this book. It was so good in every aspect, the characters, the relationships between the characters, the world, the story.

☠️ Let's Kill UF Tropes Deadly Dead Buddy Reread (LKUFTDDBR™) with the MacHalos and stuff ☠️ Previous rating: 3.6658974566972 stars. (I was obviously ridiculously young and despicably clueless when I first read this book.) New rating: 4.5 stars. (Seen the light I have. Go me and stuff.) ➽ And the moral of this reread is: I really need to have a chat with Simon and ask him if he'd let my happy little murderous crustaceans family move into the Lakeside Courtyard. I'm pretty sure he'd accept, too. We do share the same philosophy about puny humans meat, after all. Dinner is served! P.S. I want to be Tess when I grow up. Mostly because of her hair. And also because spoiler spoiler spoiler. 👋 To be continued and stuff. · Book 2: Murder of Crows ★★★★ · Book 3: Vision in Silver ★★★★ · Book 4: Marked in Flesh ★★★★ · Book 5: Etched in Bone ★★★★ [August 2019] Actual rating: 3.6658974566972 stars. So. This was Surprisingly Very Slightly Enjoyable (SVSE™). Very Slightly, yes. But mostly Very Surprisingly². Why? Because a) I was so sure it would go straight to my most beloved DNF Graveyard that I shamelessly abandoned it in the treacherous, unfathomable depths of my Kindle for five bloody shrimping years and b) it turns out it does have everything a crappy book needs to warrant my killing it with fire. Only that I didn’t. I know, right? Okay, you’re probably busy trying to recover from this shockingly shocking piece of news right now, so I think I shall pass the time by listing all the reasons why I should have DNFed the fish out of this book, but didn’t (view spoiler)[ Now now, my Little Barnacles, this is overdoing it. Do try to get a hold of your little selves before your little barnacled hearts fail and stuff. Thank thee kindly. (hide spoiler)]: ① This book is not exactly what you would call a thrilling, gripping, action-packed page turner. 80% of the non-action is actually pretty boring, to be disgustingly honest. I mean, it mostly consists of the MC’s (a chick called Mary-Sue Meg) fascinating daily routine. Which mostly consists in collecting mail. And then delivering mail. With the help of a bunch of ponies who love munching on carrots. (And on sugar lumps. But only once a week. Because it’s a Super Special Treat and stuff.) It’s fascinating, I tell you! ② The leads are bland as fish and have as much chemistry as an aging couple of lethargic jellyfish. ③ The plot is as thin as a starved dinoflagellate. And there are holes in it that are deeper than my beloved Mariana Trench. Not to mention the stuff in the story that doesn’t make any bloody shrimping sense. And the stuff that makes you go Hmmmm… Like the Others (the different pets species who rule over the Monkeys—aka puny humans—of this world) seeing ALL Monkeys as tasty snacks, and hating ALL of them, except for our very human Mary-Sue Meg. Why do they not hate her, you ask? And go out of their way to protect her from The Bad Bad People? Because she delivers their mail, you silly! That makes her Super Extra Special (SES™), you see. (Not as Super Extra Special as the sugar lumps the ponies get on Moonsdays, though.) And therefore Super Extra Lovable (SEL™) and stuff, and not a human of the Tasty Snack Variety (TSV™). Couldn’t agree with you more, Spockie Dear. ④ The multiple POVs add absolutely fishing nothing to the story. End of spectacularly brilliant demonstration. ⑤ One of the characters happens to be the stupidest, most clichéd treacherous bitch in the history of stupidest, most clichéd treacherous bitches. Quite a feat, that. Sorry, what? You think all of this ↑↑ is consistent with a 1.565789478-star rating, not a 3.6658974566972-star one? And? Since when am I in the business of making sense rating-wise, Little Barnacles Mine? Okay, okay. So it could be that there are a few things in the book that saved it from a certain death DNF, and perhaps might possibly explain the 3.6658974566972-star rating and stuff. Maybe. So time for another list and stuff. ① The World is pretty original and fresh and creative and stuff. End of yet another spectacularly brilliant demonstration. ② Some of the secondary characters are Quite Very Yummylicious (QVY™) indeed *waves at Vlad and starts planning his express abduction adoption* Come to think of it, most of the secondary characters (ponies included) seem to be more interesting than our favorite couple of lethargic jellyfish the leads. Hell, even Grandpa Erebus is more titillatingly appetizing than Simon, the male MC ← not sure how this explains the 3.6658974566972-star rating, but there you have it and stuff. ③ This: “Most of the terra indigene didn’t want to love humans; they wanted to eat them.” Now if that quote alone doesn’t justify my rating, I don’t know what will. Because any book that features an oddly-assorted and beautifully homicidal clique who snack on puny humans as a hobby is worth a 3.6658974566972-star rating not DNFing, if you ask me. And if you don’t want to ask me, ask my ever-faithful second-in-command Fleet Admiral DaShrimp. Pretty sure he’ll agree with me on that one and stuff. Ha!

I've read this book 6 or 7 times in the past 9 years - it just has a special place in my heart.

Wow! This has been on my TBR list for awhile, and I wish I would've read it sooner! The Others rule the world, and see most humans as meat. They have stopped eating them (for the most part), and let them have certain areas only because of what they can get from the humans. Certain areas called Courtyards are where The Others live and make sure humans are abiding their agreement. They have a few human employees, but never human friends. Then Meg Corbyn shows up looking for a job. She smells human, but she doesn't smell like prey. What is she? With Meg around, life in the Courtyard will never be the same. I loved this book! I loved the characters, the world they live in, all of it! I am definitely going to continue this series.

Wonderful World-building. Beautiful Storyline. Time to get to know each character. It's a fantastic world to immerse yourself in for a long time.