KATE. MURPHY

*Picked by the Observer, Stylist and Waterstones as a best non-fiction book for 2020* When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you? This life-changing book will transform your conversations forever. At work, we're taught to lead the conversation. On social media, we shape our personal narratives. At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians. We're not listening. And no one is listening to us. Now more than ever, we need to listen to those around us. New York Times contributor Kate Murphy draws on countless conversations she has had with everyone from priests to CIA interrogators, focus group moderators to bartenders, her great-great aunt to her friend's toddler, to show how only by listening well can we truly connect with others. Listening has the potential to transform our relationships and our working lives, improve our self-knowledge, and increase our creativity and happiness. While it may take some effort, it's a skill that can be learnt and perfected. When all we crave is to understand and be understood, You're Not Listening shows us how.

What You're Missing and Why It Matters

You're Not Listening

Kate Murphy

*Picked by the Observer, Stylist and Waterstones as a best non-fiction book for 2020* When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you? This life-changing book will transform your conversations forever. At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation. On social media, we shape our personal narratives. At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians. We’re not listening. And no one is listening to us. Now more than ever, we need to listen to those around us. New York Times contributor Kate Murphy draws on countless conversations she has had with everyone from priests to CIA interrogators, focus group moderators to bartenders, her great-great aunt to her friend's toddler, to show how only by listening well can we truly connect with others. Listening has the potential to transform our relationships and our working lives, improve our self-knowledge, and increase our creativity and happiness. While it may take some effort, it's a skill that can be learnt and perfected. When all we crave is to understand and be understood, You're Not Listening shows us how.

What You’re Missing and Why It Matters

You’re Not Listening

Poh Bao Li

When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you? "If you’re like most people, you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like. There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset—and this book does it with science and humor." -Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take "An essential book for our times." -Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation. On social media, we shape our personal narratives. At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians. We’re not listening. And no one is listening to us. Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it’s making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here. In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we’re not listening, what it’s doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It’s time to stop talking and start listening.

Feels more like an 'everything I can come up with on a topic of "listening" essay'. At least, half of it feels like a filler, while the rest still has a few interesting thoughts

Evan Gusev

Briar's Reviews

You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy is an excellent self help book all about the constructs of becoming a better, active listener.

This book felt like a professionally written essay - the kind I would be required to read for my degree. It's thoughtful, has lots of great references and gives tips on how to be a better listener. It's a book all about psychology and people, so readers need to understand that going in. There's a lot of in depth thought and conversation going on in this book, so it's not necessarily the easiest book to read. It can be rather... boring... Oh dear, yeah, I said that scary word.

It's straight to the point with descriptions, explanations and examples. It's not witty or funny, it's a really well written take on good and bad listeners. It might not be insanely helpful to you though - it doesn't give you a step by step guide on how to listen to your partner/friend/parent/boss better. It explains why we don't listen well and why it's important to listen. If you want to learn exactly how to listen better it might be better to go to a therapist or social worker.

This book is super interesting though! I enjoyed reading it and understanding why people don't listen. Obviously there's a lot going on in people's lives, but we don't always remember that! Distractions, relationships, the environment - everything effects us.

Overall, this book is helpful and can give you a lot of learning opportunities.

Three out of five stars.

I received a free copy of this book from Goodreads First Reads.

When was the last time you listened to someone, or someonereally listened to you? "An essential book for our times." -Lori Gottlieb,New York Times bestselling author ofMaybe You Should Talk to Someone "A captivating and enlightening book that provides readers with a road map on how to listen and why it is so important to how we connect, work, and life." - Kim Scott,New York Times bestselling author ofRadical Candor At work, we're taught to lead the conversation. On social media, we shape our personal narratives. At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians. We're not listening. And no one is listening to us. Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it's making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here. In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we're not listening, what it's doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice,You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain'sQuiet was to introversion. It's time to stop talking and start listening.

Savindi Jinasena

I learned a lot about listening, connections between the ear and the brain through this book. I really enjoyed reading the conversations Murphy had with various people, ranging from a Hostage Negotiator to a Priest at a Cathedral. I wish there were some tips specifically on how to become a better listener, but I suppose they're sort of scattered throughout the book. 

Overall, it was an engaging read and I would recommend it.

much needed. insightful, brief and honest, a reality check.

Dana M

When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you? "If you’re like most people, you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like. There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset—and this book does it with science and humor." -Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take **Hand picked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Susan Cain, and Daniel Pink for Next Big Ideas Club** "An essential book for our times." -Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation. On social media, we shape our personal narratives. At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians. We’re not listening. And no one is listening to us. Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it’s making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here. In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we’re not listening, what it’s doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It’s time to stop talking and start listening.

Fraser Simons

Really interesting, most of the time. It gets a bit more granular than I’d have liked, such as, say, ear wax buildup in ears and what not (lol) - but it’s filled with genuinely actionable and concise, clear information on the subject.

Lacey

Finished this today. Thank you @celadonbooks for sending this my way. I feel this book is a must read and I have gained insight on how your ability to listen has a huge effect on your communication. I also appreciated the mention about boundaries and respecting how much you give to others. You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters will be released on January 7th

Les Reynolds

Enjoyed it, lots of great insights. As usually with books like this, a bit longer than it needed to be.

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Rebecca Shaffer

You're Not Listening is New York Times contributor Kate Murphy's eye-opening wake-up call about the worldwide epidemic of not listening. "If you’re like most people, you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like. There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset—and this book does it with science and humor."—Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take **Hand picked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Susan Cain, and Daniel Pink for Next Big Ideas Club** "An essential book for our times."—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you? At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation. On social media, we shape our personal narratives. At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians. We’re not listening. And no one is listening to us. Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it’s making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here. In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we’re not listening, what it’s doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It’s time to stop talking and start listening.

You're Not Listening What You're Missing and Why It Matters

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