Name: Connor J. Daley 's review of Blood of elves by Andrzej Sapkowski
Item: Blood of elves
Rating: 4
Author: Connor J. Daley

Andrzej Sapkowski

Blood of elves

Vojtech

Geralt the Witcher is on a mission: to save his ward, Ciri, and with her the world ... The next story in the bestselling series that inspired the world-famous WITCHER games! The Wizards Guild has been shattered by a coup and, in the uproar, Geralt was seriously injured. The Witcher is supposed to be a guardian of the innocent, a protector of those in need, a defender against powerful and dangerous monsters that prey on men in dark times. But now that dark times have fallen upon the world, Geralt is helpless until he has recovered from his injuries. While war rages across all of the lands, the future of magic is under threat and those sorcerers who survive are determined to protect it. It's an impossible situation in which to find one girl - Ciri, the heiress to the throne of Cintra, has vanished - until a rumour places her in the Niflgaard court, preparing to marry the Emperor. Injured or not, Geralt has a rescue mission on his hands.

Baptism of Fire

Connor J. Daley 

So I think this top portion will be the basis for my review for all five of the Witcher series (excluding The Last Wish and Sword of Destiny--Kind of, you'll see...)

I feel like it took me a long time to read these, when in actuality, I started the first one in January so that isn't really all that long. Some of the way I'm feeling may be based off a lapse in memory though because I read around 95 books around the reading of these so I may be hazy. 

For starters, I think Andrzej Sapkowski is a phenomenal writer. Secondly, I think David French did an absolutely wonderful job translating these to English. And thirdly, I think the Gollancz paperbacks were amazing--great cover art, nice quality--I actually managed to read them all without breaking the spines. 

Sapkowski has such a way about his writing that the dialogue in the novels can be truly captivating. He wields it so well that he has honestly created such a wonderful lush lore within his world that really carried the hundreds of pages he wrote. I think that overall, this attention to detail within every word uttered may actually have been in some ways at a detriment to his overarching story. 

So to speak, his great characters, the companions of the Witcher, and even the enemies, all have this way of leaving you wanting more. However, if you were to pull away all of that and the world's lore, the series itself is kind of about... nothing. I did find myself more than once getting to the end of one of the novels and being like wait... nothing happened? Destiny has brought the Witcher and Ciri together, and yet they are also destined to never be together... it's just the kind of realization that stings. If you read the first book you can skip to the final book for the ending because the others are just more of the same. Luckily for me, as I've already stated, I enjoyed the dialogue and the world building, I drank that sh*t up. It's just kind of weird/funny to realize negative things like that about something you've rated pretty well. Despite all of that, I really enjoyed them. 

In terms of Baptism of Fire specifically, I loved the introduction of Milva. I think she was a great dynamic character and since my younger days of falling in love with the Lord of the Rings, I love me an archer. 
Also I love the pure absurdity of Geralt of Rivia--not really being from Rivia--then getting knighted by Queen Meve of Rivia... aka Geralt of Rivia is now legitimate and Geralt in the book itself reflects on that absurdity. That's just Sapkowski having fun and I enjoyed it.

Geralt, the witcher of Rivia, is back - and this time he holds the fate of the whole land in his hands.

For more than a hundred years, humans, dwarves, gnomes and elves lived together in relative peace. But times have changed, the uneasy peace is over and now the races once again fight each other - and themselves: dwarves are killing their kinsmen, and elves are murdering humans and elves, at least those elves who are friendly to humans ...Into this tumultuous time is born a child for whom the witchers of the world have been waiting. Ciri, the granddaughter of Queen Calanthe, the Lioness of Cintra, has strange powers and a stranger destiny, for prophecy names her the Flame, one with the power to change the world - for good, or for evil ...Geralt, the witcher of Rivia, has taken Ciri to the relative safety of the Witchers' Settlement, but it soon becomes clear that Ciri isn't like the other witchers. As the political situation grows ever dimmer and the threat of war hangs almost palpably over the land, Geralt searches for someone to train Ciri's unique powers. But someone else has an eye on the young girl, someone who understand exactly what the prophecy means - and exactly what Ciri's power can do. This time Geralt may have met his match.

Blood of Elves

So I think this top portion will be the basis for my review for all five of the Witcher series (excluding The Last Wish and Sword of Destiny--Kind of, you'll see...)

I feel like it took me a long time to read these, when in actuality, I started the first one in January so that isn't really all that long. Some of the way I'm feeling may be based off a lapse in memory though because I read around 95 books around the reading of these so I may be hazy. 

For starters, I think Andrzej Sapkowski is a phenomenal writer. Secondly, I think David French did an absolutely wonderful job translating these to English. And thirdly, I think the Gollancz paperbacks were amazing--great cover art, nice quality--I actually managed to read them all without breaking the spines. 

Sapkowski has such a way about his writing that the dialogue in the novels can be truly captivating. He wields it so well that he has honestly created such a wonderful lush lore within his world that really carried the hundreds of pages he wrote. I think that overall, this attention to detail within every word uttered may actually have been in some ways at a detriment to his overarching story. 

So to speak, his great characters, the companions of the Witcher, and even the enemies, all have this way of leaving you wanting more. However, if you were to pull away all of that and the world's lore, the series itself is kind of about... nothing. I did find myself more than once getting to the end of one of the novels and being like wait... nothing happened? Destiny has brought the Witcher and Ciri together, and yet they are also destined to never be together... it's just the kind of realization that stings. If you read the first book you can skip to the final book for the ending because the others are just more of the same. Luckily for me, as I've already stated, I enjoyed the dialogue and the world building, I drank that sh*t up. It's just kind of weird/funny to realize negative things like that about something you've rated pretty well. Despite all of that, I really enjoyed them. 

Speaking of Blood of Elves specifically, I enjoyed that this was the start of the war with Cintra. I had ordered the books after really enjoying the Netflix adaptation so to finally get into the war stuff was nice. The way they chopped the show kind of has you reading through the two short story collections and book one to really connect everything strewn throughout those eight episodes. 
I also liked the opening training with Ciri in Kaer Morhen, much like the opening to the Witcher 3 game, however it did go on for just a little too long (it ended up dry). 

One negative for me about entering the actual overarching part of the series was losing out on those nice cut and dry short stories from the two previous collections. Not to mention the overall loss of monster hunting over the following 4 books. As a fan of the games this hurt for me.

After walking through a portal in the Tower of the Swallow, thus narrowly escaping death, the Witcher girl, Ciri, finds herself in a completely different world... a world of the Elves. She is trapped with no way out. Time does not seem to exist and there are no obvious borders or portals to cross back into her home world. But this is Ciri, the child of prophecy, and she will not be defeated. She knows she must escape to finally rejoin the Witcher, Geralt, and his companions - and also to try to conquer her worst nightmare. Leo Bonhart, the man who chased, wounded and tortured Ciri, is still on her trail. And the world is still at war.

The Lady of the Lake

So I think this top portion will be the basis for my review for all five of the Witcher series (excluding The Last Wish and Sword of Destiny--Kind of, you'll see...)

I feel like it took me a long time to read these, when in actuality, I started the first one in January so that isn't really all that long. Some of the way I'm feeling may be based off a lapse in memory though because I read around 95 books around the reading of these so I may be hazy. 

For starters, I think Andrzej Sapkowski is a phenomenal writer. Secondly, I think David French did an absolutely wonderful job translating these to English. And thirdly, I think the Gollancz paperbacks were amazing--great cover art, nice quality--I actually managed to read them all without breaking the spines. 

Sapkowski has such a way about his writing that the dialogue in the novels can be truly captivating. He wields it so well that he has honestly created such a wonderful lush lore within his world that really carried the hundreds of pages he wrote. I think that overall, this attention to detail within every word uttered may actually have been in some ways at a detriment to his overarching story. 

So to speak, his great characters, the companions of the Witcher, and even the enemies, all have this way of leaving you wanting more. However, if you were to pull away all of that and the world's lore, the series itself is kind of about... nothing. I did find myself more than once getting to the end of one of the novels and being like wait... nothing happened? Destiny has brought the Witcher and Ciri together, and yet they are also destined to never be together... it's just the kind of realization that stings. If you read the first book you can skip to the final book for the ending because the others are just more of the same. Luckily for me, as I've already stated, I enjoyed the dialogue and the world building, I drank that sh*t up. It's just kind of weird/funny to realize negative things like that about something you've rated pretty well. Despite all of that, I really enjoyed them. 

In terms of The Lady of the Lake especially, I find that in each novel he kind of played with different ways of storytelling and this one starting with the knight of Arthur finding her really threw me off. It also then didn't resolve itself for 500 pages. I think at one point I thought it was a ploy and that he was actually one of the elves in the other world? I don't know, but it was kind of weird. In general, that whole world hopping bit was a little dragged out for me. 
Alternatively, in terms of this being the ultimate finale, I loved the level of gore and action. I thought the Battle of Brenna was outstanding writing. The jumping between the battle and the future with survivors of the battle writing about it really worked for me. 
I will say though another negative for me was the deaths at Stygga Castle. I know the bad luck surrounding the Witcher and those that follow him, but this kind of heartless, unforgiving killing off of main characters didn't exactly work for me. It's not like reading A Song of Fire and Ice where it's expected, therefore the lack of emotion I felt around them dying was a little lackluster. Also, I mean come on, we get all the way to the end and everyone dies EXCEPT Geralt, Ciri, and Yennefer? In that sense it seemed a little cheesy. 
A giant positive for me was that I did not see the twist of Duny being the emperor at all. I don't know if I was supposed to (?) but WOW. Ciri's dad the whole time? WOW incest is so absolutely gross. Glad it didn't go there...

I did like the kind of hazy ending myself. Did Yenn and Geralt die? Did they live? No! They got married and several other people we know are dead were said to be in attendance!
I know what the game series wants us to believe.

Colleen

3.5 Stars

*An unbalanced but overall exciting instalment in the Witcher series*


Continuing on with the Witcher series, I still have mixed feeling. Blood of Elves does improve upon its predecessor. However, these stories still feel like they lack cohesion.

Although this is listed as a complete novel, it is essentially still a series of loosely connected short stories. So there are a lot of gaps. This installment does go back and fill in some previous gaps, but it does so through flashback scenes. The lack of chronology gives the narrative even more of a fractured feel.


  “Intolerance and superstition has always been the domain of the more stupid amongst the common folk and, I conjecture, will never be uprooted, for they are as eternal as stupidity itself. There, where mountains tower today, one day there will be seas; there where today seas surge, will one day be deserts. But stupidity will remain stupidity.”

The individual stories are also quite unbalanced. Some sections are exciting and action-packed. Other sections are almost entirely dialogue, often covering long and dry expulsions on politics. And some characters were much more compelling than others. I certainly felt more than one moment of frustration when a story I was enjoying would abruptly end and switch to something more dull. Or when information would be once again purposefully withheld from the reader.

As I mentioned, the characters interested me in varying degrees. Ciri was surprisingly my favorite of the novel. Although she was often petulant and impulsive, I enjoyed her impertinence. Dandilion is always good for a laugh. And Geralt continues to grow on me. Although Geralt doesn't actually get much page time in this installment. I'm not a fan of either Yennefer or Triss. The whole sexy, mysterious witch with no character development thing is getting old.

I do enjoy this series overall, but I still have noticeable issues with it. The biggest hindrance is my frustration at having information purposefully withheld for multiple books. It drives me nuts when an author thinks that completely withholding information is the only way to build suspense. So the end result is still that I tentatively recommend these with a huge caveat that they aren't for everyone. And I'm reserving final judgement until I've read more of the series and hopefully gotten some darn answers! But I can see why these books are so popular for Swords and Sorcery fans.


RATING FACTORS:
Ease of Reading: 4 Stars
Writing Style: 3 Stars
Characters and Character Development: 4 Stars
Plot Structure and Development: 3 Stars
Level of Captivation: 4 Stars
Originality: 3 Stars

Lady of the Lake

Vilandra

Such a complex narrative. I am still amazed by the richness of Sapkowski’s world building. We got to see more of these characters and the deep feeling that drives them. There’s so much hope in it but also so much loss - it really is a roller coaster. I can’t imagine where the story goes from here.

Audrey Lord

Much different from The Last Wish but still incredible

Soon to be a major Netflix original series! A deadly coup within the Wizard's Guild leaves the Witcher, Geralt of Rivia, gravely injured, and his ward Ciri missing in the third book of the NYT bestselling series that inspired the blockbuster video games. The Wizards Guild has been shattered by a coup and, in the uproar, Geralt was seriously injured. The Witcher is supposed to be a guardian of the innocent, a protector of those in need, a defender against powerful and dangerous monsters that prey on men in dark times. But now that dark times have fallen upon the world, Geralt is helpless until he has recovered from his injuries. While war rages across all of the lands, the future of magic is under threat and those sorcerers who survive are determined to protect it. It's an impossible situation in which to find one girl -- Ciri, the heiress to the throne of Cintra -- until a rumor places her in the Niflgaard court, preparing to marry the Emperor. Injured or not, Geralt has a rescue mission on his hands. Andrzej Sapkowski, winner of the World Fantasy Lifetime Achievement award, started an international phenomenon with his Witcher series: Witcher novelsBlood of Elves The Time of Contempt Baptism of Fire The Tower of SwallowsLady of the LakeSeason of Storms Witcher collectionsThe Last WishSword of Destiny The Malady and Other Stories: An Andrzej Sapkowski Sampler (e-only) Translated from original Polish by David French

Katerina Matzavinou 

The best one of the series so far. Captivating action,amazing new characters (i absolutely love Regis). Not one page of the book bored me or made me wanna skip it. The only drawback i can think of is that its the only book in which i didn t like Geralt at all i was angry with his attitude. Totally recommended anybody should read it.

The Witcher, Geralt of Rivia, holds the fate of the world in his hands in the New York Times bestselling first novel in the Witcher series that inspired the Netflix show and video games. For more than a hundred years, humans, dwarves, gnomes and elves lived together in relative peace. But times have changed, the uneasy peace is over and now the races are fighting once again - killing their own kind and each other. Into this tumultuous time is born a child of prophecy, Ciri, surviving heiress of a bloody revolution, whose strange abilities can change the world - for good, or for evil... As the threat of war hangs over the land, Geralt the Witcher must protect Ciri from those who are hunting the child for her destructive power. But this time, Geralt may have met his match.

The two collections of short stories before Blood of Elves, unfortunately set this one up for failure. The collection of short stories were entertaining and had the right flow, which I assume Blood of elves would follow. It should read like a complete novel but reads more like disjointed short stories that are very easy to lose track of. I’m hoping the rest of the series is better

Jasmine Lawrence

Trapped in a world ruled by the Elves, separated from Geralt and her destiny, Ciri will need all her training as a fighter and sorceress to return to her own time in the fifth book of the New York Times bestselling series that inspired the Netflix show and the hit video games. After walking through the portal in the Tower of Swallows while narrowly escaping death, Ciri finds herself in a completely different world. . . an Elven world. She is trapped with no way out. Time does not seem to exist and there are no obvious borders or portals to cross back into her home world. But this is Ciri, the child of prophecy, and she will not be defeated. She knows she must escape to finally rejoin the Witcher and his companions -- and also to try to conquer her worst nightmare. Leo Bonhart, the man who chased, wounded and tortured Ciri, is still on her trail. And the world is still at war. Andrzej Sapkowski, winner of the World Fantasy Lifetime Achievement award, started an international phenomenon with his Witcher series.

Anna Ureta

No. Just. No. 
I cannot even begin to talk about....just....how awful this book was. 

*And I will say MAYBE because I listened to the audiobook and not actually read the physical book with words....my experience was different - so yes my experience will be different from yours. 

But no. 

This book was WAY TOO LONG. 
Going from like 10-12 hour audiobooks, to ToS being 16 hours and now LotL being 20 hours. 
O. M. G. 
So much FILLER. 

Like I'm sorry I know it's high fantasy and maybe that's the genre and maybe it's not for me and that's fine but OMG.......SO MUCH FILLER. Like I do not care....about what's going on in the world and the side characters! Just give me Geralt and Ciri and Yen and like....stuff that's actually relevant. 

Listening to these chapters.....some of them were hour and a half long, two hours long, TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG. Like my brain could not focus....

And yeah that's a me problem. 
But just I have never been.....so angry....and so negatively affected by a book before. 
I am so glad it's over. 
I'm sad they never adapted the games into books because I love the games. 
I really very much enjoyed the first several books when they were more focused and just about the story but the longer the books got.....THE MORE FILLER and I was just too mentally exhausted. 

This is just a no. 

*Yes there were some bits I loved, like I wish I had written down which chapters are all filler so I could say in this review SKIP THESE. 
The last couple of chapters are just great <3 so good! 
but I'm sure I can cut down....several hours from this book if I remove the filler chapters.

Evelina

** spoiler alert **
           FUCK THIS BOOK. I will just believe that yennefer and geralt are alive and well. 

There is so many strange things in the book like why would yen and geralt agree so easily to commit suicide together and give ciri up to a marriage with her biological father? Why did emhyr have a sudden change of heart? Also what the fuck was up with jarres storyline? Like who cares about what happened to him? His chapter was so painfully boring i almost skipped it all. And cahirs reason for helping geralt... 😐 He really admitted to falling in love with a child... Good thing he died. 

It wasnt all bad. I did like the chapter where ciri travels through other worlds and timelines minus that one very nasty bit. And i loved reading about yennefer, ciri, milva (she is alive btw idk how but she is), the lodge of sorceresses, yarpen zigrin and other characters i love.

Overall this book as the ending of the series was disappointing.

I think andrzej sapkowski is a piece of shit so out of principle i will give this book one star

3.25
I think this series will become better eventually. At least I hope so.

Jeff James

This is the first book in the “Witcher Saga” proper. The books leading up to this one are short story collections that set up the characters and relationships while also building out the world.

The funny thing is, this book still felt a bit like several novellas stitched together, like the old-fashioned fix-up novels from the golden age of sci-fi. The end result is a novel that still feels fairly episodic. It works, but it doesn’t build to much of a climax.

Instead, it’s a series of stories about Geralt’s ward, Ciri, her early training, and the dangers she faces from the outside world. Geralt isn’t even the viewpoint character for most of the book, with Dandelion, Triss, Ciri and Yennifer all getting their turns at the helm. I like that this book kept things fairly small-scale. I’m assuming the series only builds in scope from here.

Ryan LaFerney

Blood of Elves is chronologically the 3rd entry within The Witcher saga. Whereas previously all the short stories followed Geralt of Rivia working on certain monster assassination assignments, within Blood of Elves he is one of 3 or 4 main characters that we share the minds of. So Don't come to Blood of Elves expecting it to be the Geralt show. It's not. 

Really Blood of Elves focuses on Ciri, the child of Destiny. Ciri is essentially the main character with Geralt being more of a shadowy father figure who aids her development as an upcoming Witcher although she also has magical capabilities she does not understand. He is the infamous Witcher, Yennefer is an enchantress and there is the "will they-won't they" love interest, and although she's not the biological child of the aforementioned she arguably seems like a perfect mix of the other two main characters. Blood of Elves basically tells the tale of Ciri's early training under a group of Witchers, learning the Witcher way, and then upon discovering her natural talent for magic she is sent to be trained by Yennefer. Yennefer becoming Ciri's mentor & teacher is perhaps my favorite part of the book. I really enjoy the magic training trope in fantasy.

As the first of a five-book series, Blood of Elves would benefit from a map and character index as Sapkowski’s sudden (and often fleeting) reference to various countries, territories and characters can become confusing at times. The plot also takes an unexpected leap forward in time around the halfway point and it could be bothersome for some readers. It's an easy read but it isn't heavy on action. There is much dialogue (some of it disjointed) and the chapters are really long. At the same time, Sapkowski's writing is just so easy to appreciate. There is something to be said for a simple & direct writing style like his.

Nicole Sonja

Not as good as I was hoping. The previous compendiums of short stories were great because I treated them as such. For a book intended to be a full story, thus really felt like a Wikipedia article at times. Slogged through the last 25-30%.

Aaron Bach

Soon to be a major Netflix original series! The Witcher, Geralt of Rivia, becomes the guardian of Ciri, surviving heiress of a bloody revolution and prophesied savior of the world, in the first novel of the New York Times bestselling series that inspired the Netflix series and the blockbuster video games. For over a century, humans, dwarves, gnomes, and elves have lived together in relative peace. But times have changed, the uneasy peace is over, and now the races are fighting once again. The only good elf, it seems, is a dead elf. Geralt of Rivia, the cunning assassin known as the Witcher, has been waiting for the birth of a prophesied child. This child has the power to change the world -- for good, or for evil. As the threat of war hangs over the land and the child is hunted for her extraordinary powers, it will become Geralt's responsibility to protect them all. And the Witcher never accepts defeat. Witcher novelsBlood of ElvesThe Time of ContemptBaptism of FireThe Tower of SwallowsLady of the LakeSeason of Storms Witcher collectionsThe Last WishSword of Destiny The Malady and Other Stories: An Andrzej Sapkowski Sampler (e-only) Translated from original Polish by Danusia Stok.

Kayla

Read after finished the first season of the Netflix show and I was pleasantly surprised! This was one of my first true fantasy books. It was fairly easy to follow. The names and creatures do become pretty difficult to keep up with, but it left me very invested in the story and wanting to read more in the series.

Brianna

If it wasn’t already hammered into my head what Yennifer smells like, it is now.

Aidan Francis

Really interesting having read the collections of short stories to see the references in this book. Enjoyed the story and found it more likeable than the shows second season. Some parts were a little boring but I look forward to the next one!

ANDRZEJ. SAPKOWSKI

Witcher 1 - Now a Major Netflix Show

BLOOD OF ELVES

Louise Shaw

Probably would have rated higher if I had read them in the correct order

I thoroughly enjoyed this book- the writing style was very archetypal of fantasy, which I loved. My only complaint is how incredibly whiny Ciri is. The use of extended words- “Geraaaalt” and “Lady Yenneeeeefer”- was so annoying. I know she’s thirteen, but she was written as either a seven year old in a thirteen year old’s body, or as someone who was really spoilt as a child. I’m going with the latter.

The Witcher, Geralt of Rivia, holds the fate of the world in his hands in the New York Times bestselling first novel in the Witcher series that inspired the Netflix show and video games. For more than a hundred years, humans, dwarves, gnomes and elves lived together in relative peace. But times have changed, the uneasy peace is over and now the races are fighting once again - killing their own kind and each other. Into this tumultuous time is born a child of prophecy, Ciri, surviving heiress of a bloody revolution, whose strange abilities can change the world - for good, or for evil... As the threat of war hangs over the land, Geralt the Witcher must protect Ciri from those who are hunting the child for her destructive power. But this time, Geralt may have met his match. Translated by Danusia Stok.

Witcher 1 – Now a major Netflix show

Caroline Schmauch

Claire Fuesting

I throughly enjoyed this book. Being the first time it changes pov in the series (if you start with the short stories) I really enjoyed it. I love being able to hear/see from ciri’s perspective more as she learns and deals with hardship. 

Sarah Escorsa

Geralt of The Last Wish, where art thou?!

Do I need to call the puny human authorities and tell them to issue an AMBER alert? Have the obnoxious aliens abducted you again, as I suspect they did in book 2? Or is it that the Evil Russians™ are holding you hostage until I surrender my East Siberian Sea dominion? That very well could be. The Fluffy Siberian Bunnies (FSB™) can get bloody shrimping devious like that sometimes. Then again, I don't think that this is what happened here. You know what I think, my Little Barnacles? I think Geralt decided to bolt. Why, you ask? Seems pretty obvious to me: the previous installment nearly did him in. First things first, the guy's Monster Slaying Quota (MSQ™) dropped dramatically. Second things second, he was viciously attacked by brutal waves of utter boredom and blah blah blah. And third things third, he had to endure some major Lovey Dovey Drama Crap (LDDC™). I'm telling you, my Lovely Arthropods I would have pulled the Now You See Me Now You Don't Stint (NYSMNYDS™) too, had I been in his place.



Yes, that is indeed my little self very discretely pulling a NYSMNYDS™.

Okay, I know what you Annoying Decapods are going to tell me: "but, gloriously nefarious Sarah we are in such awe of, Geralt hasn't gone anywhere! Geralt is right here! In this book!" Naïve, naïve, Little Barnacles. I'm afraid you've been had like a bunch of provincial krill. It's not Geralt we're dealing with in this installment! It's gErAlT, his duplicitous, evilly evil twin! You have no idea how shrewd and calculating the guy is. And bloody shrimping presumptuous, too! He actually had the nerve to come up with his very own precepts for this book! Don't believe me? Check this out:


  The Outrageously Outrageous Witcher Commandments According to Garp gErAlT (OOWCAtGG™)
:

💀 Violently butcher monsters you shall refrain from.
Yes, this is kinda sorta awkward when supernatural beast slaying is kinda sorta your calling and day job. But what's a guy to do to get PETA off his back? See the tiny predicament here? The only solution is obviously for you to do the Pest Control Thing (PCT™) once in a while per book tops, so that your street cred doesn't get thoroughly ruined and stuff. Your life will no longer have a meaning, but that really is quite an insignificant price to pay in the grand scheme of things, is it not?



See, the Libidinously Mustached Duo (LMD™) doesn't think it's a big deal, either.

💀 Only a few pages told from your POV your slightly hysterical fans you shall provide with.
Because you are of the erroneously wrong opinion that absence makes the black, withered heart grow fonder and stuff. Well, some People of the Forever Right Opinion (PofFRO™) happen to think absence makes the pincers get sharper. But hey, to each their own and all that fish.

💀 Much needless blah blah blah crap let your fellow cast members gleefully indulge in you shall.
In the meantime a well-deserved nap most joyfully you will enjoy (while thinking "mwahahahaha and stuff" to your smug little self). Bored Slightly uninterested readers be damned and all that. If they can't appreciate coma-inducing goodness kindly brought to them by a bunch of queens/kings/rulers/whatever, it's their problem, not yours. Besides, if they think this book is the cure to insomnia, they should try and read The Lies of Locke Lamora. If they're lucky they'll only end up with an acute case of narcolepsy. So QED and stuff. It's time for a little Smug gErAlT Muahahahaha-ing (SGM™) again.

💀 Deceitfully bring in a disgustingly kidnap-worthy little kid to sneakily soften the tougher shrimps out there you shall:
Make her all sorts of revoltingly cute with huge ass-kicking potential and wondrous smartass abilities to weaken your intended victim's reinforced, titanium-coated exoskeleton. Cunningly hint at the possibility that said brat might one day be a greater character than your little self. This is far from the truth, of course. No one is, or ever will be, greater than your astonishingly fabulous (and yet so humble) little self. This is naught but a diabolically Machiavellian scheme to make sure some crustaceans will continue reading Ciri's your most fascinating adventures. Hook, line and sinker, the bloody shrimping shrimps are bloody shrimping done for. Mission accomplished and stuff.



Told you gErAlT was nothing like Geralt. Ha.

➽ And the moral of this What the Fishing Fish is Fishing Going On with this Series I Demand Both and Explanation and a Formal Apology Crappy Non Review (WtFFiFGOwtSIDBaEaaFACNR™) is: dear Mr. Sapkowski, give Geralt back NOW. And I don't mean gErAlT, I mean bloody shrimping Geralt. As in my super hot sexey badass monster slaying boyfriend from The Last Wish. Puny humans might get hurt somewhat painfully (and also suffer a slightly excruciating fate, by the way) if you don't comply. But hey, no pressure and stuff.

· Book 1: The Last Wish ★★★★★
· Book 2: Sword of Destiny ★★★
· Book 4: The Time of Contempt ★★



[Pre-review nonsense]

Geralt, Geralt, Geralt...What to do with you? I hope you do realize that I've only ever kicked one boyfriend out of my High Security Harem before. Surely you do not want to suffer the same fate? Especially since the boyfriend in question was Wimpish Happy Dresden (WHD™) *shudders* Pretty sure you'd hate to receive the same treatment as this substandard puny human, huh? 



Yep, that's what I thought. Well you know what? If you want to stay safely locked up in the Harem, you're going to have to work for it. I'm giving you one last bloody shrimping chance, so don't screw things up in The Time of Contempt, or else...



➽ Full Not Even A Full Chapter Written From Geralt's POV This is Outrageous This is Unacceptable This Cannot Be This Will Not Do We are Not Amused Crustaceans at the Ready and Stuff Crappy Non Review (NEAFCWFGPOVTiOTiUTCBTWNDWaNACatRaSCNR™) to come. 

P.S. Geralt dear, butchering monsters is always a plus. Think about that for a minute or two, will you?

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES To protect his ward, Ciri, Geralt of Rivia sends her to train with the sorceress Yennefer. But all is not well within the Wizard's Guild in the second novel of Andrzej Sapkowski's New York Times bestselling series that inspired the hit Netflix show, The Witcher, and the blockbuster video games. Geralt is a Witcher: guardian of the innocent; protector of those in need; a defender, in dark times, against some of the most frightening creatures of myth and legend. His task, now, is to protect Ciri. A child of prophecy, she will have the power to change the world for good or for ill—but only if she lives to use it. Look out for The Tower of Fools, book one of Andrzej Sapkowski's Hussite Trilogy, available now! Witcher collections The Last Wish Sword of Destiny Witcher novels Blood of Elves The Time of Contempt Baptism of Fire The Tower of Swallows Lady of the Lake ​Season of Storms Hussite Trilogy The Tower of Fools The Malady and Other Stories: An Andrzej Sapkowski Sampler (e-only) Translated from original Polish by David French

The Time of Contempt

Actual rating: 1.5 stars. I may or may not be a teensy little bit pissed off right now. Perhaps.

① The ranting is strong in this one. Consider your little selves warned.
② Yes, I know, I read this book wrong.
③ You're welcome.

I wasn't going to write this review today but there's a slight chance my exoskeleton is going to implode if I don't get this out of my system now, so here goes.

This series started out with one of my mostest favoritest awesomest amazingest Fantasy book ever, aka The Last Wish. But it all went desperately downhill from there: 
1/ My boyfriend Geralt stopped slaughtering monsters and being generally delicious.
2/ The series was suddenly plagued by an onslaught of Murderously Superfluous Blah-Blah-Blah-ing (MSBBB™) so ferocious I momentarily thought I'd been reincarnated as a sleeping pill. 
3/ There were repeated and vicious and deadly relationship drama attacks.
4/ My boyfriend Geralt, who is kinda sorta supposed to be the MC for this series (well that's what I thought but I'm naught but a clueless shrimp so what do I know?), ended up having less page time than a born-again barnacle in a historical romance book. 



My thoughts exactly. That, my dear Gertrude, is called a complete and total rip-off. 

I thought that this instalment was actually much better than the previous two at first. No monster slaying (because that's obviously too corny and outdated and passé and obsolete and stuff), but lots more Geralt to be had, which is always, you know, good and stuff. There were ample amounts of MSBBB™, which means I got to practice my Superhuman Skimming Skills (SSS™), which was, you know, not so good and stuff. The plotline was all over the place and the structure of the book a total mess, which was, you know, not entirely satisfactory and stuff. Also, this has to be one of the worst translations in the history of worst translations (I'm assuming the book isn't as badly written in the original Polish as it is in English but I recently assumed I was going to enjoy reading The Fifth Season so I guess I can't really be trusted as far as, um, you know, assuming stuff is concerned), which is, you know, not that wonderful and stuff. So, as you can clearly see, it wasn't that bad at first. I mean, while reading the first 20% of the book I was virtually nearly not quite but almost practically considering rating it 3.758641 and a half stars (the yummilicious backstabbing helped, I admit). Then feminism started committing suicide over and over again.



The way women are portrayed in this book is simply delightful. Thank you so much, Mr Sapkowski, for offering us such a sharp, acute, splendid, expert, flawless depiction of the gentler sex. I wonder why it is that this magnificent opus hasn't yet become the official feminist bible. I mean, all you need to know about women is beautifully summed up here: they are either evil sluts or treacherous bitches. Or evil bitchy sluts. Or treacherous slutty bitches. They are also quite remarkably frivolous. And one-dimensional. And superficial. This is all so extraordinarily accurate and so fabulously point on I might faint any second now. I mean, we all know that all women care about is bitching about each other. And bitching about men. And discussing men. And fighting over men. And shamelessly trying to seduce men while wearing barely-there, virtually nonexistent, see-through clothes. And hooking up with men. And bitching about other women who spend their time either discussing men or fighting about them or trying to seduce them while wearing barely-there, virtually nonexistent, see-through clothes, either before or after hooking up with them. 


 
Ha! Something just occurred to me (yes, it hurt. Very badly)! Sapkowski doesn't devote half the quarter of the third of the time he spends detailing sluts and bitches' women's lack of clothing he does describing what men wear. Strange, isn't? He probably forgot about it. Yeah, he must have. Besides, the men in his story have better, much more important things to do than worry about silly clothes. I mean, they are MEN, for fish's sake! They do great, serious, manly things and stuff. They have no time to waste on foolish frivolities. Obviously. Ha! Something just occurred to me again (if I keep this up I might end up in the E.R.)! There is one woman in this book who doesn't bear the Worthless Sapkowski Female Seal of Quality (WSFSoQ™). Her name is Ciri. Sapkowski wanted to make her a badass. So he gave her a sword. And masculinized the fish out of her. And, cherry on the cake shrimp on the paella, made her bisexual/gay. Because a woman can't be badass and be/act/look feminine. And because all bisexual/gay women act/are/look masculine.

 

And now we come to the part of the book I loved most. I'm telling you, my Little Barnacles, Sapkowski really gives the expression "saving the best for last" a whole new dimension here. Because this crap? It's Premium Super High Quality Suicide Inducing Stuff (PSHQSIS™). And Sapkowski saved it for the very last pages of his charming tale. How sweetly kindhearted of him. And now I am going to spoil the fish out of this book, so beware. (view spoiler)[So. To summarize. Ciri is about to get raped by Kayleigh. Luckily enough, Mistle comes to the rescue and chases the loathsome creep off. And what does Mistle do next? She proceeds to rape Ciri, of course (because that's what girls who have also been sexually abused in the past do to scared, lonely teenagers). Ciri feels "the grip of fear and disgust" but submits, and later falls asleep in Mistle's sweet embrace. She wakes up in the morning and all is fine and dandy because she is no longer alone and everything is wonderful and the birds are singing and the sky is blue but, weirdly enough, she kinda sorta feels filthy and tainted (I wonder why) so she goes down to the river and washes herself "with sharp movements of her hands, trying to remove what could not be removed" and cries but hey no biggie because at least she's no longer alone and stuff so of course she's going to stay with Mistle because, you know, Mistle saved her from Kayleigh and stuff and, really who the bloody stinking fish cares if Mistle ever so slightly raped her? And now excuse me while I shoot my little self in the head once more.

  (hide spoiler)]

I am so done with this crap.

The end.

No, I will not be reading the rest of this series. Duh.

The end again.

P.S. I'm still pissed as fish about this. Whoever said writing reviews was cathartic is full of shrimp.

· Book 1: The Last Wish ★★★★★
· Book 2: Sword of Destiny ★★★
· Book 3: Blood of Elves ★★★



[Pre-review nonsense]

This book could have paved the way for Geralt's this series' return in my good graces. It almost did. But that Bloody Shrimping Ending of Oblivion and Spontaneous Combustion (BSEoOaSC™) happened.



Also, don't get me started on the way women are portrayed in this book. Unless you want to die a slow, painful, slightly excruciating death, that is. 

➽ Full Way to Go Mr Sapkowski You Finally Managed to Make Me Give Up on this Series Congratulations Compliment Good Job Well Done and Stuff Crappy Non Review (WtGMSYFMtMMGUotSCCGJWDaSCNR™) to come. Not sure when, though. I think I need to sacrifice a few puny humans to relieve my anger first.

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Blood of elves by Andrzej Sapkowski

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