Tom Holt

Starting a new job is always stressful (especially when you don't particularly want one), but when Paul Carpenter arrives at the office of J. W. Wells he has no idea what trouble lies in store. Because he is about to discover that the apparently respectable establishment now paying his salary is in fact a front for a deeply sinister organisation that has a mighty peculiar agenda. It seems that half the time his bosses are away with the fairies. But they're not, of course. They're away with the goblins. Mister Tom Holt, Master of the Comic Fantasy Novel, cordially invites you to join him in his world of madness by reading his next hilarious masterpiece.

The Portable Door

An Orc on the Wild Side is the latest comic masterpiece from one of the funniest writers in fantasy. For more from Tom Holt, check out: The Management Style of the Supreme BeingsThe Good, The Bad, and the SmugThe Outsorcerer's Apprentice When It's a JarDoughnutLife, Liberty, and the Pursuit of SausagesBlonde Bombshell

An Orc on the Wild Side

The doughnut is a thing of beauty. A circle of fried doughy perfection. A source of comfort in trying times, perhaps. For Theo Bernstein, however, it is far, far more. Things have been going pretty badly for Theo Bernstein. An unfortunate accident at work has lost him his job (and his work involved a Very Very Large Hadron Collider, so he's unlikely to get it back). His wife has left him. And he doesn't have any money. Before Theo has time to fully appreciate the pointlessness of his own miserable existence, news arrives that his good friend Professor Pieter van Goyen, renowned physicist and Nobel laureate, has died. By leaving the apparently worthless contents of his safety deposit to Theo, however, the professor has set him on a quest of epic proportions. A journey that will rewrite the laws of physics. A battle to save humanity itself. This is the tale of a man who had nothing and gave it all up to find his destiny - and a doughnut.

Doughnut

A happy workforce, it is said, is a productive workforce. Mmmm. Try telling that to an army of belligerent goblins. Or the Big Bad Wolf. Or a professional dragons layer. Who is looking after their well-being? Who gives a damn about their intolerable working conditions, lack of adequate health insurance, and terrible coffee in the canteen? Thankfully, with access to an astonishingly diverse workforce and limitless natural resources, maximizing revenue and improving operating profit has never really been an issue for the one they call "the Wizard." Until now. Because now a perfectly good business model -- based on sound fiscal planning, entrepreneurial flair, and only one or two of the infinite parallel worlds that make up our universe -- is about to be disrupted by a young man not entirely aware of what's going on. There's also a slight risk that the fabric of reality will be torn to shreds. You really do have to be awfully careful with these things.

The Outsorcerer's Apprentice

In Your Dreams

Young archeologist Hildy Frederiksen uncovers an intact Viking longship in the Scottish highlands, and reawakens an ancient Norse king and his warriors for an adventure of "rediscovering" the twentieth century

Who's Afraid of Beowulf?

FLYING DUTCH - It's amazing the problems drinking can get you into. One little swig from the wrong bottle and you go from being an ordinary Dutch sea-captain to an unhappy immortal, drifting around the world with your similarly immortal crew. Little does Cornelius Vanderdecker, the Flying Dutchman, suspect that a chance encounter in an English pub might just lead to the end of his cursed life. FAUST AMONG EQUALS - The management buy-out of Hell wasn't going quite as planned. For a start, there had been that nasty business with the perjurers, and then came the news that the Most Wanted Man in History had escaped. But Kurt 'Mad Dog' Lundqvist, the foremost bounty hunter of all time, is on the case, and he can usually be relied on to get his man - even when that man is Lucky George Faustus ... Exuberant comedy from Tom Holt at his inventive best.

Dead Funny

Polly is a real estate solicitor. She is also losing her mind. Someone keeps drinking her coffee. And talking to her clients. And doing her job. And when she goes to the dry cleaner's to pick up her dress for the party, it's not there. Not the dress - the dry cleaner's. And then there are the chickens who think they are people. Something strange is definitely going on - and it's going to take more than a magical ring to sort it out. From one of the funniest voices in comic fiction today comes a hilarious tale of pigs and parallel worlds.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sausages

Once upon a time (or last Thursday, as it's known in this matrix) everything was fine: Humpty Dumpty sat on his wall, Jack and Jill went about their lawful business, the Big Bad Wolf did what big bad wolves do, and the wicked queen plotted murder most foul. But the humans hacked, cried havoc, shut down the wicked queen's system (mirrors 3.1) and corrupted her database - and suddenly everything was not fine at all. But at least we know that they'll all live happily ever after. Don't we? Computers and fairy tales collide to hilarious effect in the latest sparkling cocktail of mayhem, wit and wonder from the master of comic fantasy. More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit web-site at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

Snow White and the Seven Samurai

J.W. Wells seemed to be a respectable establishment, but the company now paying Paul Carpenter’s salary is, in fact, a deeply sinister organization with a mighty peculiar management team. Paul thought he was getting the hang of it—particularly when he fell head over heels for his strangely alluring colleague, Sophie—but death is never far away when you work at J.W. Wells. Our love-struck hero is about to discover that custard is definitely in the eye of the beholder. And that it really stings.

Earth, Air, Fire and Custard

The hero is Eupolis, weary, cynical and believing only in comedy. The heroine is Athens, at the height of her schizophrenic glory. A startling mixture of comedy and tragedy, THE WALLED ORCHARD is the poignant, charming story of their turbulent relationship. With unforgettable characters and a powerful and moving story, THE WALLED ORCHARD is a wonderful evocation of life in Ancient Greece in the fifth century BC. For information on this and other Orbit titles visit the Orbit website at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

The Walled Orchard

Colin Hollinghead is a young man going nowhere fast. Working for his dad might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but starting at the bottom in the widget-making industry has, predictably, lost its appeal. And now the business is in trouble. At least his father has a plan to turn things around—a new work force that will improve profit margins and secure the company

You Don

Fifteen hundred years have passed and the Holy Grail is still missing, presumed ineffable. The knights have dumped the quest and now deliver pizzas, while the sinister financial services of the lost kingdom of Atlantis threatens the universe with fiscal Armageddon.

Grailblazers

From the moment the first Homo Sapiens descended from the trees, possibly onto their heads, humanity has striven towards civilisation. Fire. The Wheel. Running Away from furry things with more teeth than one might reasonably expect - all are testament to man's ultimate ascendancy. It is a noble story, a triumph of intelligence over adversity and so, of course, complete and utter fiction. For one man has discovered the hideous truth: that humanity's ascent has been ruthlessly guided by a small gang of devious frogs. More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit web-site at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

Falling Sideways

There are many reasons why it rains so often in Britain, many of which are either scientific, mad, or both - but all of them are wrong. The real reason why it rains perpetually is, of course, irritable Chinese water dragons.

Nothing But Blue Skies

Comic fantasy by the author of F̀aust among equals'. After being released from his aspirin bottle after fourteen years of confinement, Kayaguchya Integrated Circuits III is a genie with an attitude problem.

Djinn Rummy

Monsters are roaming the streets of London. Of course, some monsters are scarier than others: Unicorns? No bother. Vampires? Big deal. Werewolves? Ho hum. Lawyers? ... Aaargh! Duncan's boss doesn't think that he's cut out to be a lawyer. He isn't a pack animal. He lacks the killer instinct. But when his best friend from school barges his way back into Duncan's life, with a full supporting cast of lawyers, ex-wives, zombies and snow-white unicorns, it's not long before things become distinctly unsettling. Hairy, even.

Barking

'Highly amusing ... Eloquently snarky prose' - Publishers Weekly 'Inventively entertaining ...make you both laugh out loud and stop and think' - SFX When the Supreme Being and his son decide that being supreme isn't for them any more, it's inevitable that things get a bit of a shake-up. It soon becomes apparent that our new owners, the Venturi brothers, have a very different perspective on all sorts of things. Take Good and Evil, for example. For them, it's an outdated concept that never worked particularly well in the first place. Unfortunately, the sudden disappearance of right and wrong, while welcomed by some, raises certain concerns amongst those still attached to the previous team's management style. In particular, there's one of the old gods who didn't move out with the others. A reclusive chap, he lives somewhere up north, and only a handful even believe in him. But he's watching. And he really does need to know if you've been naughty or nice. What would happen if good and evil were replaced with a more dynamic system based on sound economic principles? Find out in Tom Holt's wickedly funny new comic novel! Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling Sideways Little People Song for Nero Meadowland Barking Blonde Bombshell The Management Style of the Supreme Beings An Orc on the Wild Side

Tom Holt

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