These instants passing through the air I breathe: in fireworks they explode silently in space. I want to possess the atoms of time. And to capture the present, forbidden by its very nature: the present slips away and the instant too, I am this very second forever in the now. Only the act of love—the limpid star-like abstraction of feeling—captures the unknown moment, the instant hard as crystal and vibrating in the air and life is this untellable instant, larger than the event itself: during love the impersonal jewel of the moment shines in the air, the strange glory of the body, matter made feeling in the trembling of the instants—and the feeling is both immaterial and so objective that it seems to happen outside your body, sparkling on high, joy, joy is time's material and the essence of the instant.

But if I hope to understand in order to accept things- the act of surrender will never happen. I must take the plunge all at once, a plunge that includes comprehension and especially in- comprehension. And who am I to dare to think? What I have to do is surrender. How is it done? I know however that only by walking do you know how to walk and-miracle-find yourself walking.

Instead of being black the sky seems to be an intense navy blue, a color I’ve painted in stained glass. I like intensities. With my glance I must look after I must look after thousands of plants and trees and especially the giant water lily. Its there. And I look at her.

Note that I dont mention my emotional impressions: I lucidly speak about some of the thousands of things and people I look after. Nor is it a job because I dont earn any money from it. I just get to know what the world is like.

Is it a lot of work to look after the world? Yes. You will no doubt ask me why I look after the world. It's because I was born charged with the task. As a child I looked after a line of ants: they walk single file carrying a tiny piece of leaf. That doesn't keep each one from communicating something to the ones coming the other way. Ant and bee are not “it”. They are “they”.

I lost friends, I dont understand death. The horrible duty is to go to the end. And counting on no one. To live your life yourself. And to suffer as much as to dull myself a bit. Because I can no longer carry the sorrows of the world. What can I do when I feel totally what other people are and feel? I live them but no longer have the strength. I don’t want to tell even myself certain things. It would be to betray the is-itself. I feel that I know some truths. Which I already foresee. But truths have no words. Truths or truth? I'm not going to speak of the God, He is my secret.The sun is shining today. The beach was full of a nice wind and a freedom. And I was on my own. Without needing anybody. It's hard because I need to share what I feel with you. The calm sea. But on the lookout and suspicious. As if a calm like that couldn't last. Something's always about to happen. The unforeseen, improvised and fatal, ascinates me. I have started to communicate so strongly with you that I stopped being while still existing. You became an I. It's so hard to speak and say things that cant be said. It's so silent. How to translate the silence of the real encounter between the two of us? So hard to explain: I looked straight at you for a few instants. Such moments are my secret. There was whats called perfect communion. I call it an acute state of happiness. lm terribly lucid and it seems I'm reaching a higher plane of humanity.

Está fazendo um dia de sol. A praia estava cheia de vento bom e de uma liberdade. E eu estava só. Sem precisar de ninguém. É diffcil porque preciso repartir contigo o que sinto. O mar calmo. Mas à espreita e em suspeita. Como se tal calma não pudesse durar. Algo está sempre por acontecer. O imprevisto improvisado e fatal me fascina.