Tina Gilbertson

Presents advice for dealing with self-critical thoughts and negative emotions about the past, along with techniques for developing self-compassion and a more positive outlook.

How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them

Constructive Wallowing

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She needs to accept her actual (rather than desired) experience, understand it, and 

the next step rather than trying to push herself there.

My experience with self-help books has been that they make me feel good when I’m reading them, but I don’t usually do the activities they suggest. As long as I’m reading, I feel like I’m moving forward. But, once I finish the book, that feeling goes away. Then it’s time to read another self-help book. 

Constructively wallowing in feelings, also known as having, embracing, witnessing, or tolerating feelings, leads us back to where we started out in life: with a fresh, clean slate.

I hope it’s becoming clear that when we stop fighting our own feelings, we start to regain the pieces of ourselves we’ve been lonely for. The closer we are to being whole, the more inner resources we have to live our lives well, and to deal with the difficulties life inevitably brings our way.

Emotions that aren’t acknowledged tend to control us, rather than the other way around. 

While I’d been wrestling with those painful feelings, I felt toxic. But once I stopped fighting and just acknowledged them, I felt cleaner.

 the actual feelings were manageable in a way that lying to myself about them was not.

Once I could accept my feelings as they were, 

emotions tie back to earlier events and make small deals feel like big ones.

Constructive Wallowing quotes

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