i survived

rip kierkegaard u would’ve loved the theme of this novel

my first book EVER (like novel-wise) it left me empty and its so emotional, this book made me fell in love with reading, Mieko Kawakami’s writing style is beautiful. its also fairly relateable as a teenager trying to understand myself

I really enjoyed this book, especially as someone who was bullied in middle school- differently than the two characters in the book but a lot of the feelings were so similar. It hit hard.

favourite book atm. so raw and really felt like a young boy wrote it. he’s relatable, he’s weird, he’s misunderstood. but only she understood him and that was enough. i loved their dynamic, someone who sought out for someone like her and a boy who was too lonely for his own good. i cried, i laughed, i cringed and every chapter felt like a mind fuck, because when we lack morals as humans, does that make us animals?

The way she easily depicted existentialism in this book..

Can hardly recall how many times I said “Kasian banget” and “Gak kuat bacanya ya Allah” while reading.

gak pernah sepengen ini mukul pala org

So good. So heartbreaking. So sad.

makes you think how much you loathe this world

Looking back at this book, I did not like it as much as I used to. Maybe it’s because of translation? I can’t exactly put my finger on it. Personally I no longer understand the point of this novel because the ending was hard to interpret. One could say that it’s about the combination of psychological and physical bullying which is known in Japan, but the ending gave me more questions and left bad taste. You could maybe say it’s open to interpretation on purpose to keep you thinking, but i’ve done the thinking, and I’m not sure I like this book anymore. It’s like a sandwich with like good middle but super flimsy, bitter, old bread.

Absolutely loved this book. The story felt so real, as if I was right next to him throughout the whole book. The writing was top tier, really pulled me in. AND the ending was different than what I had in mind, but it fit perfectly.

—

"We'll understand some things while we're alive and some after we die. But it doesn't really matter when it happens. What matters is that all the pain and all the sadness have meaning.”

pls check mieko kawakami’s hard drive wtf

firmly believe mieko kawakami may be my favorite japanese author

** spoiler alert ** "It must have been some kind of flower that only grows in fall. But captivated as I was, I realized this was just another marvel from a world that would never accept me. The only feeling that was truly mine was the pain lingering in my nose." ** "For people to actually live by some golden rule, we'd have to be living in a world with no contradictions. But we don't live in a world like that. No one does. People do what works for them, whatever makes them feel good." ** "When our worlds come into contact, it might look like they're connected, but they're not. It's like you said before. You thought you get bullied because of your eyes. To me, though, that doesn't make any sense. I don't care if things are so bad that you can't sleep. That's got nothing to do with me. It doesn't make me feel anything. Nothing." ** I found the dialogue between "Eyes" and Momose to be the most momentous scene in the entire novel, but also the most eye-opening for Eyes (in the harshest way possible). To confront one of your tormentors in hopes of finally understanding how someone can harm another in such a cruel way, only to learn that they 1) don't feel guilt in the first place and 2) never even considered it to be bullying, is devastating because, is there really any use in changing the mind of a nihilist? I loved it. This was a great introduction to Kawakami. Not sure what to rate this book but it was a great read.

3.5

what stays will stay, and what won’t, won’t. hard read, but liked it.

4.5

meh

** spoiler alert ** Not sure how to form a coherent opinion on this book- I thought it started off really strong when the protagonist and Kojima first became friends. I was really endeared by their bond, but I think this was just one of those books that you go through passively without really understanding the point of it. I didn't know how to feel about Kojima disapproving of him wanting to fix his lazy eye? Like I get it but it was also ridiculous. A lot of symbolism bordering on pretentiousness here.

Why is bullying in East Asia so extreme, these kids have barely reached puberty

I think I’m starting to dig in Japanese Literature. Heaven was based on realism and it was just sad for me. My mind and body was so invested in it. It felt too real because these things are happening. I was wishing I could get inside the book and do something but I was so helpless. I don’t think I’ve ever annotated as much as I did in this book. The words just cut deep with so many meanings. “My eye was behind all my problems.” I felt this. He didn’t think what they were doing to him wasn’t right, he only thought that he was the cause of whatever they were doing to him. “Listen, if there’s a hell, we’re in it. And if there’s a heaven, we’re already there. This is it. None of that matters. And you know what? I think that’s fucking great.” I think it’s fucking great too! “For people to actually live by some golden rule, we’d have to be living in a world with no contradictions. But we don’t live in a world like that. No one does. People do what works for them, whatever makes them feel good. But because nobody likes getting stepped on, people start spouting crap about being good to others, being considerate, whatever. Tell me I’m wrong. Everyone does things they don’t want people doing back. Predators eat prey, and school serves no real purpose other than separating the kids who have what it takes from the ones who don’t. That’s the whole point. Everywhere you look, the strong walk all over the weak. Even those fools who think they’ve found the answers by coming up with perfect little sayings about how the world ought to be can’t escape it. Because the real world is everywhere.” This was so real and deep! “Everything was beautiful. Not that there was anyone to share it with, anyone to tell. Just the beauty.” I was glad everything came out successful. But it was so sad how it ended. I was kinda hoping the friendship never dies. But everyone has to do what works for them at the end even if it hurts to do so. I have so many annotations that spoke to me, but i’m just going to stop here. This book is perfect. The writing is perfect. This book speaks to me and I love it so much. A solid 5/5.