Mimi Zhu

Lessons on Fear, Intimacy, and Connection

Be Not Afraid of Love

Connie Meade

Abusers are often survivors themselves, and while they requlre help in ending their cycles of violence, the person who is enduring their abuse cannot be the one to tend to their wounds. One of the reasons I felt so attached to X was that I had assigned myself the role of his heiper. I could see the way that his violence twisted him up inside, and I wanted to be the one to save him. AIl the while, I was being hurt and dragged through emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, and used as a scapegoat for his internal self-hatred and raw woundedness. I had to learn how to prioritize my self-protection and survival. He needed help and so did I. While my compassion allowed me to understand X's pain, l had to practice directing compassion toward myself. I needed to dedicate my nurturing energy toward myself, which meant that I could no longer be the helper and that I needed to ask for help.

mira lee

Passive-aggression does not endeavor to protect the spirit; if anything, it attempts to prove itself "above," or avoidant of, rage. Passive-aggression tries to protect the image that I wish to maintain of myself. It is dishonest not only with the people who have hurt me but also with the self. It tricks me into believing that it is superior to the perceived erratic frequencies of rage and asks me to numb and mute the validity of my anger. When we convince ourselves that we are 'good" people who are beyond "negative" emotion, we suppress vital parts of ourselves that are deserving of communication and expression.

grace

My self-hatred and shame do not benefit anybody-- not myself, my relationships, my healing, or my dreams.

Be Not Afraid of Love quotes

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