The Friend Zone

He caressed my cheek. “You know you’re the best thing to ever happen to me, right?” His eyes blazed with emotion. “I love you, Kristen. You are the one great love of my life.”

His words gripped my heart. “I love you too, Joshua. Forever.”

“You know, it’s Tarantino Trivia at Malone’s tonight. You wanna go? I’m getting kind of hungry.” Josh had nothing in his fridge, and we’d eaten the burgers I brought hours ago. I looked at my Fitbit. “But we’d have to leave in, like, ten minutes.”

“Sure,” he said, his hands on my thighs. “Do we invite Brandon and Sloan?”

I shook my head. “They’re going to Luigi’s for dinner. It’ll just be us.”

He gave me a soft peck on the lips, his eyes warm. “It’s a date—let’s go.”

It wasn’t a date, but I didn’t correct him. He’d just roll his eyes and say it was just an expression and he wasn’t trying to slip a date past me, the way he always did. I didn’t need the reminder.

I wished it was a date.

“Do you mind if I wear this?” I asked, pulling it on before he had the chance to answer. I tucked my nose into the neck and breathed in, closing my eyes.

He climbed back in bed, handing me a glass of water. “You can keep it if you want.” He grinned at me.

“Really?” God, I would never wash it. I would wear it like a warm hug. “Are you sure? That’s a slippery slope, Joshua. Hoodies are gateway clothes. Soon I’ll be stealing your shirts and your jackets.” I took a sip and then set the water down next to the bed and looked back at him.

He leaned in and kissed me, his smile enormous. “I’m sure,” he whispered against my lips. “Take whatever you want.”

I gave him a raised eyebrow. “Why are you so happy about me stealing your clothes?”

“I’m just happy because I like it when you call me Joshua,” he said, smiling. His fingers brushed the hair at the top of my forehead and he kissed me gently.

“Josh?”

“Get Sloan and drive down here tomorrow. Let’s get married. Come on.”

I smiled gently. “I can’t marry you.”

Spitting. “Why? I would be a good husband to you. I would take care of you. I’d be a good dad.”

I moved the phone away from my mouth as a sudden wrenching urge to sob bolted into my throat. I pressed my lips together and forced it back down. “I know you would,” I whispered. “That’s why I can’t.”

More silence.

Then he spoke into my darkness. “I love you.”

My tears spilled down my cheeks and the lump in my throat threatened to suffocate me. “I love you too.”

The line went dead.

I reached under the bed and pulled out my laptop. “Can I follow you too?”

“You can follow me anywhere.”

He was flirty when he was drunk. It was cute. He didn’t usually say things like this to me. I shut it down immediately when he did. But Drunk Josh wasn’t really Josh.

“How come Sober Josh doesn’t have all this swagger, huh?” I teased.

He snorted. “He does. He’s just trying to follow your many rules. Drunk Josh doesn’t live by rules. Drunk Josh does what Drunk Josh wants,” he said, stumbling over the words.

“And what does Drunk Josh want?” I smiled, tapping his name into the search bar on Instagram.

“You.”

I arched an eyebrow. “You’re lucky you’re not here. I’d take advantage of you. You sound too weak to fight me off.”

“I consent.”

I sent him a follow request, laughing at his comment. A second later I got his and approved it.

We got quiet as we looked at each other’s pictures.

“You know what I think the trick to dealing with family is? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.”

“What?” I said, spreading strawberry jam on my toast.

“Marrying your best friend.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “You marry your best friend, and at family gatherings you deal with your shitty relatives together. You laugh about it and have each other’s backs. Share looks and text each other from across the room when everyone else is being an asshole. And nobody else really matters because you have your own universe.”

He held my eyes for a moment. “That’s what I want. I want someone to be my universe.”

He’d have no problem finding that. No problem at all. Josh could have any woman he wanted. After all, he was the sun. Warm and vital. He would be the center of a big family one day, just like he wanted, and they’d all adore him.

And I was just some passing comet. Momentarily distracting. Useless and unimportant. I was nice to look at, fun to observe, but I’d never give life or be the center of anything.

I’d streak through and be gone, and Josh would forget me before we knew it.

“Oh. Uh, sorry to interrupt. Josh is here. Is it cool if he stays for dinner?”

Josh came up behind Brandon, holding Stuntman. My dog was licking his cheek. “Hey, Sloan. Kristen.” His smile fell the second he saw my face.

I swiped at my tears, fled to the bathroom, and closed the door.

“Where are you going?”

“We’re going. I’m not leaving you here while I run home.”

“Run home for what?”

“To get my gun.”

“A lot of reasons. The biggest one being that she didn’t want to have kids. I did. It wasn’t negotiable.”

She nodded again. “That’s a big one,” she mumbled.

“How are you liking the new fire station?” she asked.

She must have seen the answer on my face.

“Really? It’s shitty?” She seemed surprised.

I shook my head. “I don’t know. It’s all right.”

“What? Tell me.”

I twisted my lips. “It’s just at my old station, we didn’t get shit medical calls. I mean, we only got, like, three a day—”

“How many do you get here?”

“Twelve? Fifteen? It’s a busy station. But the calls are bullshit. Drunk homeless guys. Crap that should be a trip to a walk-in clinic. I went on a call yesterday for a stubbed toe.”

“Well, most people are pretty fucking stupid.” She ate a fry.

“My granddad used to always say, ‘Even duct tape can’t fix stupid,’” I said, putting my straw in my mouth.

“Hmm. No. But it can muffle the sound.”

I burst into laughter and almost choked on my soda. I liked her wit so much more when I wasn’t the brunt of it.

Sloan and I were the only takers this morning.

this. Sa ck inot sakę ofe "Comfortable silences. When Mia Wallace says, "Thats when you know you've found somebody really special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share si- lence. )»

ing fodder for my fantasies, Josh bore the distinction of being one of the few people who didn't annoy me. I liked spending time with him,