Name: antonia maria wagner she/they's review of All About Love by bell hooks
Item: All About Love
Rating: 4.5
Author: antonia maria wagner she/they

bell hooks

All About Love offers radical new ways to think about love by showing its interconnectedness in our private and public lives. In eleven concise chapters, hooks explains how our everyday notions of what it means to give and receive love often fail us, and how these ideals are established in early childhood. She offers a rethinking of self-love (without narcissism) that will bring peace and compassion to our personal and professional lives, and asserts the place of love to end struggles between individuals, in communities, and among societies. Moving from the cultural to the intimate, hooks notes the ties between love and loss and challenges the prevailing notion that romantic love is the most important love of all. Visionary and original, hooks shows how love heals the wounds we bear as individuals and as a nation, for it is the cornerstone of compassion and forgiveness and holds the power to overcome shame. For readers who have found ongoing delight and wisdom in bell hooks's life and work, and for those who are just now discovering her, All About Love is essential reading and a brilliant book that will change how we think about love, our culture-and one another.

New Visions

All About Love

lulu

Peace is found not in the absence of challenge but in our own capacity to be with hardship without judgement, prejudice, and resistance.

A functional family is the healthy soil out of which individuals can become mature human beings.

Love empowers us to live fully and die well. Death becomes, then, not an end to life but a part of living.

Even though we are more likely to be hurt by someone we know than a stranger, our fear is directed toward the unknown and the unfamiliar.

we are encouraged to believe that the excesses of the family are normal and that it is abnormal to believe one can have a functional, loving family.

In patriarchal culture men are especially inclined to see love as something they should receive without expanding effort […] they do not want to do the work that love demands.

To know genuine love we have to invest time and commitment.

The need for instant gratification is a component of greed.

Ironically, the rich who grow greedier and overprotective of their wealth are increasingly as perpetually stressed and dissatisfied as the greedy poor who suffer endless cravings.

It is silly […] that I would dream of someone else offering to me the acceptance and affirmation I was withholding from myself.

We need to stop fearfully equating [self-love] with self-centeredness and selfishness.

[Kids] remain the property of parenting adults to do with as they will. […] As absolute rulers, parents can usually decide without any intervention what is best for their children.

The word „love“ is most often defined as a noun, yet […] we would all love better if we used it as a verb.

everyone wants love but […] we remain totally confused about the practice of love in everyday life.

Macy HB

If men were socialized to desire love as much as they are taught to desire sex, we would see a cultural revolution.

I have had great sex with men who were intimate terrorists.

To return to love, to get the love we always wanted but never had, to have the love we want but are not prepared to give, we seek romantic relationships. 

Consumer culture in particular encourages lies. Advertising is one of the cultural mediums that has most sanctioned lying. Keeping people in a constant state of lack, in perpetual desire, strengthens the marketplace economy. Lovelessness is a boon to consumerism.

Damn bell hooks CLEARED his ass. Tbh I’d do the same if i was at a party and someone was advocating for whooping kids in public??? 

Mari🦇 🤎🗡️

As one man bragged about the aggressive beatings he had received from his mother, sharing that "they had been good for him," I interrupted and suggested that he might not be the misogynist woman-hater he is today if he had not been brutally beaten by a woman as a child. 

angel abad cesa 

Everything you should but don’t want to hear. This book is so simple but you can’t help but make it’s points change you, because even if you don’t like it, it’s so unbearably right.

Mara D Alo Fonseca

Knowing how to be solitary is a central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape. 

this is........................ exactly how i feel but it still hurt my feelings :')

Kamu Pancholi

Somewhere along the way, in that passage from girlhood to womanhood, I learned females really had nothing serious to teach the world about love.

When the asleep body, numb and deadened to the world of the senses, awakens, it is a resurrection that reveals to us that love is stronger than death.

antonia maria wagner she/they

my soul reaching to reread hooks' all about love after feeling like everything I had ever known about love had been decimated, then having that be decimated too, is like, oh, is this how people feel returning to the religion of their childhood after a divorce? honestly, found the heteronormativity and gender binarism wholly grating on this reread; what is up with all that men from mars women from venus nonsense—not the perfect text by any means, but abundant in ancient wisdom nonetheless. still sunk into this book on this read in a way I hadn't before, in part because I had engaged it as an academic text prior to this, and in part because I have more questions than ever before. spent the entire text thinking, there are so many ways I have failed another and so many ways I have been failed, and then once, just the once, I got closer than ever before, & still not close enough. the sky continues to be blue, love is and always will be the great intangible

biddy

"The word "love" is most often defined as a noun, yet...we would all love to better if we used it as a verb," writes bell hooks as she comes out fighting and on fire in All About Love. Here, at her most provacative and intensely personel, the renowned scholar, cultural critic, and feminist skewers our view of love as romance. In its place she offers a proactive new ethic for a people and a society bereft with lovelessness. As bell hooks uses her incisive mind and razor-sharp pen to explode th question "What is love?" her answers strike at both the mind and heart. In thirteen concise chapters, hooks examines her own search for emotional connection and society's failure to provide a model for learning to love. Razing the cultural paradigm that the ideal love is infused with sex and desire, she provides a new path to love that is sacred, redemptive, and healing for the individuals and for a nation. The Utne Reader declared bell hooks one of the "100 Visionaries Who Can Change Your Life." All About Love is a powerful affirmation of just how profoundly she can.

great primer on the many ways that love (or lack thereof) shapes our lives. necessary pre-reading for anyone entering college, if not high school. i think anyone who i know now who had read this then could have been better equipped for entering relationships (including my younger self). 

zoe m

Wonderful theory on how to lay the groundwork of transformative love in literally every aspect of your life. 

Finnegan Cole

Love - how we love, how we view love, and how to move forward with love. 

It is so interesting how our perception of love shapes our lives. Thinking of love as a verb, as our actions and the care we give to others instead of some abstract feeling altered my brain chemistry. It's easy to say 'I love you' but are you really 

Also, non-romantic love is so important and community is so important!! 

This isn't necessarily a self-help book, but this is what I 

Alli

Love - how we love, how we view love, and how to move forward with love. 

It is so interesting how our perception of love shapes our lives. Thinking of love as a verb, as our actions and the care we give to others instead of some abstract feeling altered my brain chemistry. It's easy to say 'I love you' but are you really loving? 

Also, non-romantic love is so important and community is so important!! 

This isn't necessarily a self-help book, but this is what I want self-help books to be. 

A book that resonates with me to such level I have derived the words to describe my life philosophy from it: to view everything through a lens of love.

deniz

I was really excited to read this book, I had heard a lot of good things about it, and I was interested because I don’t read a lot of non-fiction. Unfortunately, I think this affirmed, rather than discouraged, my general dislike of the genre.

I have no doubt that non-fiction books of this nature can be very informative and eye-opening, but this was not that. It came off very preachy and also at the same time very surface level. I didn’t feel like it was challenging my way of thinking or introducing to me anything new.  It had a lot of solid ideas but it was full of a lot of fluff and not that much information.

I found it ironic that the author mentions an aversion to the idea that men are like this, and women are like that… but ended up saying the same thing continually. It got so annoying after a while.

The author also often makes a lot of references to religion and religious texts. The last chapter is just prattling on about a bible story. Maybe this is my religious trauma talking, but I just didn’t like those bits. “Fundamentalist thinkers use religion to justify supporting imperialism, militarism, sexism, racism, homophobia. They deny the unifying message of love that is at the heart of every major religious tradition.” The problem I have with this quote, is that I feel like it forgets that religious texts are often sexist, homophobic, racist, etc. if you get my meaning, and the author’s continual injection of it just took me out. I don’t know how to properly articulate this point, but I hope that makes sense.

bel 

I was really excited to read this book, I had heard a lot of good things about it, and I was interested because I don’t read a lot of non-fiction. Unfortunately, I think this affirmed, rather than discouraged, my general dislike of the genre.

I have no doubt that non-fiction books of this nature can be very informative and eye-opening, but this was not that. It came off very preachy and also at the same time very surface level. I didn’t feel like it was challenging my way of thinking or introducing to me anything new.  It had a lot of solid ideas but it was full of a lot of fluff and not that much information.

I found it ironic that the author mentions an aversion to the idea that men are like this, and women are like that… but ended up saying the same thing continually. It got so annoying after a while.

The author also often makes a lot of references to religion and religious texts. The last chapter is just prattling on about a bible story. Maybe this is my religious trauma talking, but I just didn’t like those bits. “Fundamentalist thinkers use religion to justify supporting imperialism, militarism, sexism, racism, homophobia. They deny the unifying message of love that is at the heart of every major religious tradition.” The problem I have with this quote, is that I feel like it forgets that religious texts are often sexist, homophobic, racist, etc. if you get my meaning, and the author’s continual injection of it just took me out. I don’t know how to properly articulate this point, but I hope that makes sense.

i do disagree with her on a few little points and struggle to buy into the radical optimism but overall i enjoyed reflecting on all kinds of love and i understand the long-standing hype 

florrr

I absolutely loved this book. This is the first non fiction book I've successfully finished reading and throughout found the book thought provoking, insightful and a wonderful read over all. I'd recommend this to anyone and everyone. Bell Hooks articulates love beautifully through this book.

0cchi

Ainsley Jeffery

I am very glad I got around to reading this finally. Particularly felt connected to the themes discussed in chapter 8 Community: Loving Communion and will reference back to other works referenced throughout this novel.

Liyah 🤎

No one should need me to add to the chorus of cries of bell hook's genius but I must add my voice to the heap. This book was scarily predictive considering it was written in 1999(?) and it came at the perfect time in my life as I've been thinking a lot about where romantic, familial, and platonic love fit in my life. Its a book I'll probably read more than once and return to often. My favorite sections in no particular order are the one about loving children, practicing a love ethic, friendship, and resisting power dynamics in romantic contexts. Everyone person should read this because none of us have been taught to love well.

Beautifully written. Reconciled a lot of my thoughts on love. 

Sakinah Safiee

Buku yang membuatku merasa hangat dan menjadi reflektif memikirkan tentang cinta yang selama ini aku beri dan dapatkan. Sejujurnya, aku membaca buku ini sebagai bentuk coping mechanism setelah patah hati. Coping mechanism yang tepat sih, soalnya buku ini bak obat untuk patah hatiku #anjay. 

Hal yang aku suka dari buku ini selain ditulis dengan perspektif feminis, tetapi juga sangat spiritual. Buku ini juga membuat aku memikirkan kembali tentang spiritualisme, ingin rasanya menjadi pribadi yang lebih spiritual. Karena bagi bell hooks, menjadi spiritual adalah salah satu cara kita menjadi penuh kasih. Spiritual yang dimaksud tidak sama dengan religius, meskipun memang bell hooks mengambil banyak referensi dari agama Kristen/Katolik. Justru malah bell hooks beberapa kali mengkritik agama dalam kaitannya dengan patriarki, fasisme, dan pandangan akan kematian.

Selain itu, cinta yang dibahas di sini juga sangat luas, mulai dari konteks di keluarga, romansa, coupledom, pertemanan, dan komuni. 

Pokoknya aku merekomendasikan semua orang untuk membaca buku ini. Aku bisa bilang, buku ini itu layaknya panduan bagi kita untuk menjadi sosok yang penuh kasih sekaligus panduan untuk bisa menemukan cinta sejati yang kita nantikan. Betul-betul self help book yang sangaaaat membantu. 

Rafa

Buku yang membuatku merasa hangat dan menjadi reflektif memikirkan tentang cinta yang selama ini aku beri dan dapatkan. Sejujurnya, aku membaca buku ini sebagai bentuk coping mechanism setelah patah hati. Coping mechanism yang tepat sih, soalnya buku ini bak obat untuk patah hatiku #anjay. 

Hal yang aku suka dari buku ini selain ditulis dengan perspektif feminis, tetapi juga sangat spiritual. Buku ini juga membuat aku memikirkan kembali tentang spiritualisme, ingin rasanya menjadi pribadi yang lebih spiritual. Karena bagi bell hooks, menjadi spiritual adalah salah satu cara kita menjadi penuh kasih. Spiritual yang dimaksud tidak sama dengan religius, meskipun memang bell hooks mengambil banyak referensi dari agama Kristen/Katolik. Justru malah bell hooks beberapa kali mengkritik agama dalam kaitannya dengan patriarki, fasisme, dan pandangan akan kematian.

Selain itu, cinta yang dibahas di sini juga sangat luas, mulai dari konteks di keluarga, romansa, coupledom, pertemanan, dan komuni. 

Pokoknya aku merekomendasikan semua orang untuk membaca buku ini. Aku bisa bilang, buku ini itu layaknya panduan bagi kita untuk menjadi sosok yang penuh kasih sekaligus panduan untuk bisa menemukan cinta sejati yang kita nantikan. Betul-betul self help book yang sangaaaat membantu. 

this book could not come at a more opportune time in my life. i've been at a crossroads lately, stuck between wanting to preserve myself and keep myself whole, or to fully dissolve myself in the chaos of life and love. it's safe to say that this book is now one of the bibles i will always come back and refer to whenever i am in need of a reminder.

Maria Rumantir

neri

Once again, another recommendation from my friend Lu<3!. I have a lot to say, /All about love/ touches a lot of topics and even if I try I don't think I can be brief.

Liking a book is subjective, and after reading a few reviews I don't quite see how people see this as a self-help book. To me it was interesting, it was lovely to be able to understand Hooks thoughts and views on love. Even when I don't agree fully in some parts, or even at all on some topics, I find myself agreeing on others. Even with ones that I somehow avoided thinking about. I was confronted on some stuff I've been actively trying not to think about.

Love is very subjective too. I find it quite weird to see people treat Bell Hook's words as if her words are the only way to understand love. To me this book was more of an essay, or a commentary on love. A commentary you can definitely like or dislike, clearly. 

I love reading about love. Different views, commentaries, thoughts. I've given this a lot of thought. Regarding Hooks I am specially grateful to read about what she had to say about Childhood & Love, or the power and need of language. About grief, as much as I try to avoid it, too. Her words on the topic were, in my case, needed. And I agreed with most of it. I also loved her thoughts on community!!!

I do have to say that although I love to read about beliefs, religion and so, while not being religious myself (although as any other person I do have personal beliefs), some parts where the religious topics came in, specially the last chapter, made it a bit hard. 

Still, her word and way of sharing thoughts were lovely for me. I also felt like some wording, and even some parts, are a bit outdated seeing it from today's standpoint, but that's normal, and I'm glad it is that way. Not saying this in a negative way, just sharing my thoughts on it. It was also very interesting (but in a concerning way) how her commentary on capitalism isn't very far away from how it still is today. 

Overall, a very nice reading. It is not a revolutionary book, but reading about every single topic she talks about and how they work related to love and loving was interesting. I truly loved reading Bell Hooks' words. I also don't thunk I've marked, annotated and highlighted a book like this one in years. I've also saved a few titles to also read in a future, and will continue to get into her writing and thoughts more!

I feel like this review, even while being extremely long, is reductive, but I am not good with words, and it was definitely a complex book in relation to the amount of different topics and thoughts it talks about! But anyway, love is political, and thinking a lot about "Life without communion in love with others would be less fulfilling no matter the extent of one's self love. All over the world people live in intimate daily contact with one another." Truly a beautiful section.

Really popular book nowadays. I really like that bell hooks attempts to define love explicitly and as an action rather than a feeling. Her discussion of "templates of love," typically acquired during childhood and manifested in our adult relationships, is very discussion-provoking with others. 

Kevin Juneos Mei Le

Bell Hooks' All About Love is a snapshot of love and all its details through her life's chapters. I can't say I love this one, although parts of it really stirred some things in me. Others—love in the context of divine faith and spirituality—I really didn't connect with.

This book explores the many ways we see and feel love in our everyday lives: love in the family, romantic love, love as a consumer, love defined by wealth and social classes, sex. I had many thoughts taking in this book—agreeing to some points while debating others. I love the fact that Bell Hooks' "love" can be seen from multiple lenses. While not every chapter resonated with me, I found one that did. And it hits spot on.

This is the kind of book you read and then write about with your own perspectives—I'm talking journalling prompts for days. I like to think of it as a springboard from which you can jump into your own pool of thoughts, reflect, make bubbles. In a way, All About Love felt like required reading, and I'm glad I read it. 

y✦

Bell Hooks' All About Love is a snapshot of love and all its details through her life's chapters. I can't say I love this one, although parts of it really stirred some things in me. Others—love in the context of divine faith and spirituality—I really didn't connect with.

This book explores the many ways we see and feel love in our everyday lives: love in the family, romantic love, love as a consumer, love defined by wealth and social classes, sex. I had many thoughts taking in this book—agreeing to some points while debating others. I love the fact that Bell Hooks' "love" can be seen from multiple lenses. While not every chapter resonated with me, I found one that did. And it hits spot on.

This is the kind of book you read and then write about with your own perspectives—I'm talking journalling prompts for days. I like to think of it as a springboard from which you can jump into your own pool of thoughts, reflect, make bubbles. In a way, All About Love felt like required reading, and I'm glad I read it. 

Happy Valentine's Day! 💌

this book feels like a gift to this earth

"To live our lives based on the principles of a love ethic (showing care, respect, knowledge, integrity, and the will to cooperate), we have to be courageous. Learning how to face our fears is one way we embrace love. Our fear may not go away, but it will not stand in the way. Those of us who have already chosen to embrace a love ethic, allowing it to govern and inform how we think and act, know that when we let our light shine, we draw to us and are drawn to other bearers of light. We are not alone."

This passage is what got me to read Bell Hooks' "All About Love" and it remains as my favorite part after finally finishing it. Though there were a lot of insightful messages throughout, after a few chapters it felt kind of repetitive with lots of rather empty ideas back to back. I especially didn't like the heavy emphasis on the bible in the last chapters.

Personally, I wouldn't read it again as a whole but just look through my annotations and notes.

"To live our lives based on the principles of a love ethic (showing care, respect, knowledge, integrity, and the will to cooperate), we have to be courageous. Learning how to face our fears is one way we embrace love. Our fear may not go away, but it will not stand in the way. Those of us who have already chosen to embrace a love ethic, allowing it to govern and inform how we think and act, know that when we let our light shine, we draw to us and are drawn to other bearers of light. We are not alone."

This passage is what got me to read Bell Hooks' "All About Love" and it remains as my favorite part after finally finishing it. Though there were a lot of insightful messages throughout, after a few chapters it felt kind of repetitive with lots of rather empty ideas back to back. I especially didn't like the heavy emphasis on the bible in the last chapters.

Personally, I wouldn't read it again as a whole but just look through my annotations and notes.

she’s such a good writer but it’s just a bunch of thoughtful sentences, Hard to follow along and actually remember what was in the last chapter as it just jumps from idea to idea 

charlotte brand

The first bit of this book was solid and so beautifully written. The definition and explanation of what love is found a meaningful place in my mind. However, toward the end it gets very heavy with Christian literature. I get spirituality is important, but I wish the Bible was not so heavily referenced in the end. 

Angel Hammon

Puella Desideria Adiartanto

The last book I finished in 2023 and the first one (I think) on which I feel pretty strongly to write commentaries.

[reviews incoming]

I like the way bell hooks analyzes „love“ a term that we use frequently but never really thought about it‘s power of meaning. I felt attacked and understood, sometimes confused but always very relieved to read her words. I really recommend this book.

antonia maria wagner she/they &
All About Love by bell hooks

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antonia maria wagner she/they &All About Love by bell hooks

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All About Love by bell hooks