John Scalzi

A Very Scalzi Christmas

Briar's Reviews

If you're looking for a humorous, seasonal book packed full of holiday comedy, you need to pick up A Very Scalzi Christmas by John Scalzi.

I am new to John Scalzi. I have been informed his writing is superb and he can be quite snarky, so of course I was in. To top it off, who doesn't want some Christmas cheer during a time like this?! Even if it is making fun of the whole holiday season! Honestly, this book was exactly what I needed in my life right now.

This collection holds fifteen short stories, poems and snippets that will leave you giggling and breathless. Here's just some of the lovely, little pieces of literature you'll come across (in no particular order):

1. An Interview With Santa's Lawyer - this one was by far the best of the bunch for me. Seeing this lawyer explain Santa's liabilities and how Rudolph screwed everything up had me chuckling the way no other book has managed. It's absolutely ridiculous while being funny at the exact same time. Santa's corporation, his billionaire coal master status, and the elves's union rights are just some of the wildly amusing topics brought up. Not gonna lie, I want an entire book just on this alone!

2. A Bitter November - I also thoroughly enjoyed watching the months go off at each other. Poor November is upset over December and it's shining glory. The personification in this little story could be used in a master class. I'm thoroughly impressed by John Scalzi's writing here, it's too good and too funny.

3. Christmas in July - this one had me guessing for a while what was going on. Why did Santa move Christmas up to July suddenly? We see a peek inside the government trying to figure out why there was a mass home invasion leaving everyone exactly what they wanted. The ending was quick, short and sweet, but I wanted just a little bit more out of it...

4. Interview with Santa's Reindeer Wrangler - the interviews are apparently the pieces of this collection that had me laughing the most. The conversations are so dumb funny and yet perfectly written. It's exactly what you're picture a reindeer wrangler complaining about if he had the job. Rudolph never existed and gave everyone a bad name, and the reindeer positions are actually jobs. It's a super witty take and I applaud John for the cool idea.

It's shocking this book has so many reviews and ratings, because I absolutely LOVED this book. Very rarely can I find a comedy book that keeps me interested the whole way through, and this one did just that. There's satire in here, pure comedy and so many great takes on holidays - and it's not just Christmas! 

You don't need to celebrate Christmas to find joy in this book. Since it is so satirical, it's a great way to laugh at the holiday season in general and how ridiculous it can be. So, I highly recommend this book if you love or hate Christmas, if you love comedy and want a laugh, or if you just want a really well written book. Spice of your book shelf with this collection! Everyone will be able to find at least one story in this collection that will have them chuckling and chortling away.

Five out of five stars!

Lauren Sullivan

It’s that time of year when everyone’s looking for some new reads to put them in the holiday spirit. If you’re looking for something lighthearted and fun, then I think this anthology will definitely fit the bill.

It’s a bit of a mixed bag, with things from lists to short stories. While this is probably overkill, I’ve gone ahead and reviewed each of the items in the anthology, along with an associated quote.

“I think I speak for all of us when I say that moistening aliens was not on the agenda for any of us at this table.”

“Science Fictional Thanksgiving Grace” – ★★★★ – A tongue-in-check prayer thanking the Lord for not yet plunging us into any scifi movie plots, including alien invasions, AI overlords, and dinosaurs. Short and hilarious.

“I think that those cranberries might have fermented on you.”

“A Bitter November” – ★★★★ – November, personified, complains about December barreling in on its month. Quick and silly.

“Ayn Rand’s A Selfish Christmas (1951)”

“The 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time” – ★★★ – Descriptions of various “holiday special!!” takes on various books and TV shows, from War of the Worlds to Ayn Rand to Star Trek (where Spock is mistaken as one of Santa’s elves). Interesting concept, but most of them missed the mark for me.

“Santa doesn’t judge people for their kinks, but he does expect them to pay for them.”

“An Interview with Santa’s Lawyer” – ★★★★ – Like the title says, it’s an interview with one of Santa’s lawyers, covering everything from unionized elves to how Santa gets flight clearance to his data gathering practices.

“Jingle! Jangle! Gerbils!”

“A Personal Top 10 of Things That Are Not Titles to Christmas Songs and/or Lifetime Holiday Movies and Honestly I Don’t Understand Why” – ★★★ – The title is almost longer than the list!

“That’s the thing about gifts, Major Collier. They’re not obligations. They’re a kindness.”

“Christmas in July” – ★★★★★ – The first actual short story in the collection, this was sweet, lovely and the epitome of the Christmas spirit (while also still being hilarious).

“Why not reindeer?”

“Interview with Santa’s Reindeer Wrangler” – ★★★★ – Another interview, but this one exploring all the fun bits of reindeer, including how they fly, how they’re recruited, and several very bad cheese jokes.

“Little Public Relations Intern Boy”

“8 Things You Didn’t Know About Your Favorite Holiday Music” – ★★★★ – Another list, much like the holiday specials one. Possibly because I’m much more familiar with the source material, but I found the fictional backstories of Christmas favorites – like “Baby It’s Cold Outside” and “Silent Night” – absolutely hilarious.

“Jackie loved Christmas more than most girls and boys
For one simple reason: Because of the toys!”

“Jackie Jones and Melrose Mandy” – ★★ – This poem, while a nice change in format, was simply too preachy for me (there’s more to Christmas than toys!!!), and it didn’t scan well for me.

“You’ve settled on a plan of driving down Santa’s popularity, then.”

“An Interview with the Christmas Bunny” – ★★★ – Another interview! This one was… interesting to say the least.

“You can’t go around drugging people, Jangle.”

“Jangle the Elf Grants Wishes” – ★★★★ – An elf tasked with granting non-material wishes takes things a little too far. Mostly three star, but adding an extra star for the last few lines.

“They are future ninjas for Christ.”

“Script Notes on the Birth of Jesus” – ★★★★ – As if a producer was returning notes on the story of the birth of Jesus from Matthew and Luke. Irreverent and silly, but time traveling ninjas get the nod from me every time.

“It’s nice to be a baby, and know how much you’re loved.”

“Sarah’s Sister” – ★★★★ – At the hospital on Christmas Eve while her mother is in labor, ten-year-old Sarah is still ambivalent about whether she wants a baby sister. Definitely a tear jerker along the lines of It’s a Wonderful Life.

“So your baby is born, and the first thing you do is put him in an open container filled with grain and covered in oxen drool?”

“An Interview with the Nativity Innkeeper” – ★★★ – Like the title says. Irreverent and silly.

“running from murderous drones is SUPER cardio”

“Resolutions for the New Year: A Bullet Point List” – ★★★★★ – Finishing out this anthology with a bang. I found this ridiculously hilarious, but perhaps not for those who are lactose intolerant.

Overall, what do I think? Well, I already went ahead and purchased the hardcover version. While this definitely doesn’t have year-round appeal, it’s definitely a book that I can see revisiting next Christmas when I need a bit of a pick-me-up.

I received this book for free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.