Ace What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex

As ace, i did realize pretty soon that everything revolves around sex for allo people. Sometimes i don’t understand the jokes, the reason why something is sex related, and that just makes me realize how far i am from this “topic”.

This book was like finally putting everything in place. If I had readden this book in middle school, or the first year of high school, I’m sure my life would have been more easier. Everything I’ve always thought or experienced is put into words in this book, and it’s so so nice to know I’m not alone, to know that my experience is worth something, that it has nothing less from allo’s experiences. That I’m worth something, and I should never forget that.

Many macro topic are discussed, and for every one of them we learn about real aroace people experiences, interviewed by the author, and thoughts on these topics.

And that’s one of the most beautiful thing about this book, because it’s not just you and the writer and whomever read this book that feels that way - there are also other people. There are other people who are doing just fine. Yes there’s some difficulty, but in the end we’re not alone. It could look like it, but we’re not. And everyone is speaking more about asexuality and aromanticism. More people are going to finally feel seen after learning about it, and that’s just how it works. It’s not just a label, and it has never been. Yes, sometimes you just don’t know how to label yourself. Our experiences are just so difficult and strange that sometimes we don’t know who we are and why we do some things. But we still know that there’s something different from allo’s experiences. If there hadn’t been labels, and people who created them, and people who talked about how they felt, the experiences they made - how would we live?

!!! So lovely! so caring! so honest! made me reconsider my current and past relationships and ways of relating over and over again <3

- The first half of the book was fantastic and introduced a lot of things I had not thought about. - The second half of the book contained a lot of stories and I think ran a general theme of… “communication is key for relationships”? Many of the stories I think can be told without asexuality being at play and still have the same message delivered. And it seemed repetitive. - For a book about asexuality, sex was mentioned so much and so frequently in the book. In a way it does make sense, but to me it lacks the perspective of the needs and desires of an asexual person *if not* centered around sexuality. The book focuses and reiterates what it is not, not what it is. - I very quickly realized that with the writing style, an audiobook works much better. I finished the audiobook in one setting, whereas if I had read it, I doubt I would be able to finish it. - Still, a great book on a underrepresented subject matter with lots of insights. For that, this was invaluable.

The section “Part I: Self” was especially compelling, with numerous highlights that felt universally relatable. Seeing fragments of ourselves reflected in the paragraphs fosters a reassurance, gradually replacing self-doubt with newfound understanding. The insights and studies Chen shares hold relevance not only for aces and the LGBTQ+ community but also for anyone navigating relationships where sex plays a significant role or could even be a deal-breaker. It offers plenty of food for thought and could serve as a useful resource for fostering understanding and empathy across different experiences. Understanding sexual desire, attraction, and the importance of sex through a Western lens felt distant from my own cultural context, however. 

To be honest, I expected more of this book. It was good, but it didn’t or barely touched on the things that were interesting to me.

I had a long review but I accidentally deleted it so gonna keep this short and sweet now After reading a few fiction books with characters on the ace spectrum I picked up this book in an effort to be more educated on the topic of asexuality. this was a great read because not only did it tackle that but also how sexuality exists in modern culture and though it seems simple enough bleeds out into most everything we do and how we interact. I think the author writes endearingly personally and informational simultaneously and I’m grateful to be more educated on not only just the topic of asexuality but the topics that surround it and sexuality In general, very well done would recommend very insightful!

I started reading this to "unlearn" the ideas I had about romanticism and sex. In that aspect, this book has done a thorough job, it's enlightened me on (and introduced me to) concepts that I'd previously found to be vague. The book however felt less neutral about sex than I'd thought it'd be.

This was very informative, insightful and eye-opening! This book also helped me learn about asexuality and its versatility and also question the very concept of sex. I highly recommend it!

A lot of these things I was already familiar with, being demisexual. But it was extremely comforting to know others grappled with understanding what sexual attraction even was, how relationships are supposed to work, and that they also experienced feeling there was some unknown set of rules for dating that everyone had been automatically programmed with but me. Knowing I wasn't alone in that was so reassuring. And seeing that so many Ace folks uave made relationships work and they're happy is also comforting, as someone who thought I would be forever alone. The chapters on romance in society were especially interesting to me, and made me realize I treat most of my serious friendships as QPPs. I told me best friend about this realization and that listening to that part of the audiobook made me think of them. It made them really happy and they said they were honored to be such an important person in my life. Even though we live apart and they're in an entirely separate romantic partnership, I feel like this has brought us even closer together. And I'm really grateful for that.

Being ace myself I was pretty familiar with most of the topics discussed in this. There were still some new ideas I hadnt thought about yet that i'm really glad of reading about. The book does a great job at showing how vastly different being ace can be, letting lots of different people speak about their own experiences. Through that I definitely got to learn about struggles I personally didn't have.

I need to read this again - with the physical book and a purple highlighter lol I found a lot of this book hard to understand because the chapters were so big - it was a lot of information. Like a textbook or lecture in university or a big TED talk But it was very important information. I feel validated and heard and I hope more people will read this :)

I personally would not recommend this, but mostly (hopefully) because it was not written for me. The book itself says it was written for allosexuals, and I would say yes if said allosexuals are not very aware of how prominent sex is made in our lives. If I wanted to introduce an allo to what asexuality means, I'd rather have a conversation or send them to Reddit or a YouTube video. My main, personal, gripe is that I did not find myself in this book, so much that I almost found myself questioning my asexuality (something I haven't done in years). But I can't and won't blame the author for that, I can't expect someone to be able to include every single nuanced identity within the identity. I will say that I enjoyed the third part the most. It felt more personal, talking about asexuals in relationships and how they might navigate sex and even parenting. That last part, I would recommend.

This book felt like it was missing a lot to me, but I think it has less to do with the book and way more to do with the lack of a-spectrum information & discussion generally, which makes this book an even more important read. I truly think that the thinking in this book is critical, relevant, and especially important for allosexual folks (whether LGBT-identifying or not) to read. Not only will I be recommending this book to everyone I know, but I will be buying & rereading it & rereading it, and eagerly awaiting for Chen & others to build upon the wonderful foundation this book provides for a healthier world.

When I found this book in the bestseller section of the store, the title on eye-level I felt so touched and honestly so proud. We have come far to have this be a subject that can become a bestseller and I'm so happy about it. I will recommend this book to anyone willing to try and better understand the ace experience and it's complexities. This book has a lovely ratio from informative to emotional, because the author connects the data well with personal experiences of herself or people she interviewed. It also covers a lot of fields which is great. 
Like the author's note says: "I hope many more books will be written about the experiences of those outside this [WEIRD] world. There is so much more to say." 

Highly informative and deeply insightful in terms of sexuality and its proper definition based on several important yet generally overlooked factors. Discusses about consent and a much more elaborate meaning of it. It also tackles several stereotypes surrounding sexual relationships and it's importance. I can go on and on and still won't be able cover the amount of wisdom presented in this book. The best thing about this book is it's accessibility and the amount of information presented in just 200+ pages. A must read for anyone who wants a deep dive into sexual knowledge and it's importance in the current times. It not only focuses on the "Ace" people, but also covers basically everything about the "sexual life" in general. A must read!!!

A book that was so easy to read that I managed to finish it in a week, Angela Chen’s writing is accessible, transparent, clear, and very engaging. Her interviews with a diverse range of aces, show the wide array of experiences and existences in the ace community and I feel better informed and ready to learn more!

Pretty interesting stuff. Wasn't expecting to get any insight on myself, but was pleased to see how the book tackled social norms, socially-constructed expectations, and cultural biases that make it a problem to be non-confirmative to whoever is in the majority. It was also really good reading about other experiences and seeing how they differed from my own.

2nd book on my list to celebrate #pridemonth. Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Identity, and the Meaning of Sex is an excellent education and exploration of asexuality (which I must admit that I knew nothing about except from Todd Chavez in Bojack Horseman). Such a thought-provoking read. Instead of focusing on asexuality per se, Chen spent a significant portion of the book on the contrast between ace and allo, and digging into how the society assumes sex desire in a romantic relationship as default and our over-fixation on an amazing sex life (otherwise something must be wrong with you or your partner). The inclusion of different ace voices (race, gender, religion, disability, and more) also adds to the intersectionality perspective. Overall a great book to spread ace awareness.

2nd book on my list to celebrate #pridemonth. Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Identity, and the Meaning of Sex is an excellent education and exploration of asexuality (which I must admit that I knew nothing about except from Todd Chavez in Bojack Horseman). Such a thought-provoking read. Instead of focusing on asexuality per se, Chen spent a significant portion of the book on the contrast between ace and allo, and digging into how the society assumes sex desire in a romantic relationship as default and our over-fixation on an amazing sex life (otherwise something must be wrong with you or your partner). The inclusion of different ace voices (race, gender, religion, disability, and more) also adds to the intersectionality perspective. Overall a great book to spread ace awareness.

I don't read a lot of nonfiction and sometimes I struggle with it. This was very readable. Informative, insightful, nuanced and not boring. Angela Chen weaves her own experiences, along with those of other ACE people that she interviewed extensively, together with theories and philosophy from psychology, feminism, and queer theory. I recommend this book very highly for anyone, regardless of identity. This is a tricky concept and topic to understand and there are so many questions. The perspective and experiences of the diverse range of asexual people also shines a light on things about mainstream culture and society that would not be seen or questioned otherwise. Angela does not claim to have all the answers, but she does have some. This book brings some clarity and shares a vision for building a stronger asexual community and a better society that is less bound by assumed gender roles and strict definitions of attraction, friendship and romance.

What a phenomenal resource this book is. It's a must read if you're interested in expanding your knowledge about sex, self identity, and aspects of romance/love/cohabitation with other humans—even if you aren't a person that identifies as asexual. I loved the in-depth look at sex/romance/attraction representation in our current society. The author does a great job at looking at the topics from all angles and how it affects people of all ages and backgrounds. The stories from the people she interviews are fascinating and shed light on many unique ways of life that aren't often discussed. This book is one of those books that you can read and feel that it's going to be a life changing book for so many people. While it is packed with information, it isn't in a manner that feels soap box like. You'll love this book if you love learning about different aspects of the human condition.

This was quite interesting. I would have taken a longer version too.

This was such an informative read that covered every base possible with nothing but respect. I learned things about asexuality that I never would’ve imagined to be true. A truly jam packed book that I highly recommend.

I went into this book already pretty well informed about asexuality from personal experience so I wasn't really sure what I was going to get out of this book. I just knew that I was excited because I'm craving for ace rep in media. Angela Chen really made me think and opened my eyes to several new ideas and concepts I'd never even heard of before. This book isn't just about the ace experience; it's all about how we interact, as a society, with sexuality, romance and relationships. It takes a nuanced look at asexuality considering multiple perspectives. The book discusses how asexuality interacts with masculinity, the dangers of the sexually motivated racial stereotypes, why it's important to champion disabled aces within the community and much more. I am so impressed with the way that every topic was well discussed with living examples of people dealing with these issues and was done in a respectful way. There was also a good balance between academic and anecdotal content which helped me grasp some of the newer concepts I'd never heard of before. I'd put this as a necessary read for anyone who wants to learn more about the nuances of asexuality because it covers so much and even includes a section of further reading to help expand your horizons further.