** spoiler alert ** You can't heal your parents, but you can work on healing yourself. It's a long journey, but reading books like this helps.

listening to the different foundations in this book regarding narcissistic parenting and emotional immaturity was validating to hear. It opened my eyes to resolutions to combat the toxic attachment style (enmeshment) and allowed me to analyze how my own needs can be met as an adult by releasing the idea that I have to please my emotionally immature parent - there is no pleasing them. very healing and validating read

The content of the book wasn't absolutely new to me. I discovered the term "Emotional Abuse" when I was 22 and was shocked and relieved to finally have a vocabulary to describe the wide range of behaviours I had encountered. (found it here if you're interested - http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm) Words have power. They are greater than the sum of what they stand for - they can capture and convey a collection of experiences and at the same time inspire the understanding of something deeper, something far more profound, so that you can begin to heal (if required). And by giving us this vocabulary, Lindsay is doing God's work (partly because, let's face it, the entity doesn't exist). Can we even begin to understand something until we know what to call it? If you can name it, you can tame it. So I guess now I'm just gonna spend the rest of my life taming it. Thank you Lindsay. I hope something truly fantastic happens to you today.

I jumped around but this book helps people learn how to deal with their narcissistic or arrogant parent(s). Am glad to have read this

Not only is this book incredibly insightful in how to maneuver and view the emotional reactions of others, but it also works as a guide to viewing your own emotional reactions and building up your own emotional intelligence. 5/5

Listened to AudioBook:

I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this, it’s broken down in parts where you can completely relate. This just felt like a completely validating hug which provides the tools and coping skills to continue on with your family relationships without emotionally draining yourself.

I would recommend this to anyone who didn’t feel validated growing up or just wants to understand more about the inner workings of childhood trauma.

If you have any issues with your parents small or irreparable I would recommend this book. It’ll help understanding why you act the way you do and some ways to combat those hurtful habits.

So important.

Eye-opening, life changing (hopefully)

This is undoubtably one of the best self-help books I came across so far. It was really painful to read and hurt a lot but at the same time it was extremely comforting and eye opening, too. I never felt judged but deeply understood. And in difference to other therapeut-ish books it doesn’t stop after giving you explanations, leaving you with „and what should I do now?“ but provides exercises and advice.

I'd recommend this book to everyone struggling with emotionally immature parents, feeling existential lonely and misunderstood or having problems to build and maintain healthy, satisfying relationships or emotional intimacy. Inner work is a process and you won’t be 'healed' after finishing this read, but it might give you some insights and explanations to support you on your journey. Because to break self-destructive and often unconscious habits or patterns, you first have to be able to recognize and understand them. I learned that I am not alone with how I feel and got answers to many of my whys. It was a life altering experience and I am more than grateful for this book.

There’s no reason you can’t have a happy life starting right now.

Life-altering" doesn't even begin to describe it. This book isn't just insightful, it's a transformative experience. Beyond understanding family dynamics, it offers practical tools for healing, fostering healthy relationships, and inner growth. I felt seen, understood, and empowered. Gibson's work is a gift.

Oh gosh. Please! That is not a scab I can afford to pick right now! Here I was, 10 pages deep in the sample downloaded onto my Kindle on a Monday night, thinking to myself, whilst dazed at the accuracy with which Gibson's words described some essences of my very own upbringing and adult life. I mustered great efforts over years to build a new-self (or role-self as the book would call it) that mostly runs emotionally detached, for such M.O. appears to have always functioned well as a survival mechanism for me, in work and in life. So as much as I love being understood, I was not the least ready to have my new-self fractured by a simple 4 hour read. But then, rather organically, I let go of that. My experience transformed from rejection to acceptance, as very quickly, I found myself being read like a book by the book. I wished for more of being heard, understood and advised by the loveable tone Gibson applied consistently throughout the writing of ACEIP. Just weeks before encountering this read, I was faced with a major family struggle of my own, where I feared for loss of integrity as a result of suspending contact with my biological parents and step-parents. Removing fake friends is easily a norm for anyone, unchallenged by today's world. But I pondered the appropriateness of this particular removal and thought I ought to be shocked at my own behaviour, in theory. Except I was NOT. In fact, not at all, after feeding on great affirmation provided by ACEIP. Why fall back into the dark place I walked too many miles and exhausted too many school years to come out of? Reading ACEIP, one highlight of my inner landscape change is coming to the realisation that my upbringing was never unique and I haven't given myself credit for being a survivor of the toxicity and dysfunction that is my family. It was also with great sense of reassurance unearthing the fact that suspending contact with emotionally immature parents who are incapable of change actually mitigates what would otherwise become wasteful use of time and energy for both ends. My intent now to approach all family matters as I would with every financial transaction puts my mind at ease. This is especially true knowing that I am only indebted to them for certain financial transactions (literally), and designing financial strategies to cover some of their expenditures perfectly falls in line with my vision of maturity awareness approach, for it literally honours the debt (with interest), takes emotions out of the equation, rendering the situation manageable for them as well as myself. This approach borrows from the realm of knowledge and practicality I am already confident with, AND meets their mode of reception. In addition, there is also the option of engaging the services of a lawyer and a tax accountant in administering all loose ends. The contractual relationship therewithin suffices in bringing financial complications to closure whilst my life continues undisrupted. Yes, ideally, a child should never have to grow up taking on such emotionless coping mechanisms against her parents. But the many readers out there like myself, and maybe Gibson too, would recognise merits of my approach. Perhaps when the worst part of a battle was already handled, a formal closure merely merged in due subsequence and naturally felt no emotional attachment? I envisage a movement or two in the future though, however remote the possibility may be. Picture a movement that shall attract robust discussions and present challenges to those who wish to become parents - a movement that asks the question IF any human being shall obtain a parenting licence prior to parenting. If our laws prohibit professionals from giving financial advice, operating on patients, providing legal services without passing the fitness test in each respective field, what then makes it acceptable for anyone to become parents, qualification unassessed? Especially considering that a significant number of cases of mental illness and many societal complications today is deeply rooted in dysfunctional families where parents failed themselves as much as their children? (To think, even animal shelters assess prospective adopting/fostering parents in determining their ability to provide the love and care which the animals deserve. )

Insightful!! Page turner, you always want to know more and more about your relationship with your parents, partners, siblings. It describes almost everything I asked about when I was a kid. Totally recommend it!

considering this was written by a therapist in 2015, Lindsay Gibson really missed the whole concept of “both / and” in dis one 😶 ideas and language were a little too binary to feel truly eye-opening, but parts of it still felt useful in a “so-you’re-unpacking-your-relationship-w-your-parents-for-the-first-time-101” kinda way

Oh gosh. Please! That is not a scab I can afford to pick right now! Here I was, 10 pages deep in the sample downloaded onto my Kindle on a Monday night, thinking to myself, whilst dazed at the accuracy with which Gibson's words described some essences of my very own upbringing and adult life. I mustered great efforts over years to build a new-self (or role-self as the book would call it) that mostly runs emotionally detached, for such M.O. appears to have always functioned well as a survival mechanism for me, in work and in life. So as much as I love being understood, I was not the least ready to have my new-self fractured by a simple 4 hour read. But then, rather organically, I let go of that. My experience transformed from rejection to acceptance, as very quickly, I found myself being read like a book by the book. I wished for more of being heard, understood and advised by the loveable tone Gibson applied consistently throughout the writing of ACEIP. Just weeks before encountering this read, I was faced with a major family struggle of my own, where I feared for loss of integrity as a result of suspending contact with my biological parents and step-parents. Removing fake friends is easily a norm for anyone, unchallenged by today's world. But I pondered the appropriateness of this particular removal and thought I ought to be shocked at my own behaviour, in theory. Except I was NOT. In fact, not at all, after feeding on great affirmation provided by ACEIP. Why fall back into the dark place I walked too many miles and exhausted too many school years to come out of? Reading ACEIP, one highlight of my inner landscape change is coming to the realisation that my upbringing was never unique and I haven't given myself credit for being a survivor of the toxicity and dysfunction that is my family. It was also with great sense of reassurance unearthing the fact that suspending contact with emotionally immature parents who are incapable of change actually mitigates what would otherwise become wasteful use of time and energy for both ends. My intent now to approach all family matters as I would with every financial transaction puts my mind at ease. This is especially true knowing that I am only indebted to them for certain financial transactions (literally), and designing financial strategies to cover some of their expenditures perfectly falls in line with my vision of maturity awareness approach, for it literally honours the debt (with interest), takes emotions out of the equation, rendering the situation manageable for them as well as myself. This approach borrows from the realm of knowledge and practicality I am already confident with, AND meets their mode of reception. In addition, there is also the option of engaging the services of a lawyer and a tax accountant in administering all loose ends. The contractual relationship therewithin suffices in bringing financial complications to closure whilst my life continues undisrupted. Yes, ideally, a child should never have to grow up taking on such emotionless coping mechanisms against her parents. But the many readers out there like myself, and maybe Gibson too, would recognise merits of my approach. Perhaps when the worst part of a battle was already handled, a formal closure merely merged in due subsequence and naturally felt no emotional attachment? I envisage a movement or two in the future though, however remote the possibility may be. Picture a movement that shall attract robust discussions and present challenges to those who wish to become parents - a movement that asks the question IF any human being shall obtain a parenting licence prior to parenting. If our laws prohibit professionals from giving financial advice, operating on patients, providing legal services without passing the fitness test in each respective field, what then makes it acceptable for anyone to become parents, qualification unassessed? Especially considering that a significant number of cases of mental illness and many societal complications today is deeply rooted in dysfunctional families where parents failed themselves as much as their children? (To think, even animal shelters assess prospective adopting/fostering parents in determining their ability to provide the love and care which the animals deserve. )

Quite an insightful book. This gave me a lot of perspective on my life and my own childhood + relationship with my parents too. I think this book is a good primer / starter on understanding emotional immaturity, but I think I would have liked more depth and nuance as well. I think it is good as an introduction but definitely not as a be-all end-all on this subject. Will definitely explore this topic more and deepen my understanding beyond this book.

This was a really helpful and enlightening book. It doesn't ask you to do anything too dramatic, but to take a step back and examine the family members in your life that challenge your happiness. I learned a lot from this book and I'm really happy I read it when I did. I definitely needed it.

Oh gosh. Please! That is not a scab I can afford to pick right now! Here I was, 10 pages deep in the sample downloaded onto my Kindle on a Monday night, thinking to myself, whilst dazed at the accuracy with which Gibson's words described some essences of my very own upbringing and adult life. I mustered great efforts over years to build a new-self (or role-self as the book would call it) that mostly runs emotionally detached, for such M.O. appears to have always functioned well as a survival mechanism for me, in work and in life. So as much as I love being understood, I was not the least ready to have my new-self fractured by a simple 4 hour read. But then, rather organically, I let go of that. My experience transformed from rejection to acceptance, as very quickly, I found myself being read like a book by the book. I wished for more of being heard, understood and advised by the loveable tone Gibson applied consistently throughout the writing of ACEIP. Just weeks before encountering this read, I was faced with a major family struggle of my own, where I feared for loss of integrity as a result of suspending contact with my biological parents and step-parents. Removing fake friends is easily a norm for anyone, unchallenged by today's world. But I pondered the appropriateness of this particular removal and thought I ought to be shocked at my own behaviour, in theory. Except I was NOT. In fact, not at all, after feeding on great affirmation provided by ACEIP. Why fall back into the dark place I walked too many miles and exhausted too many school years to come out of? Reading ACEIP, one highlight of my inner landscape change is coming to the realisation that my upbringing was never unique and I haven't given myself credit for being a survivor of the toxicity and dysfunction that is my family. It was also with great sense of reassurance unearthing the fact that suspending contact with emotionally immature parents who are incapable of change actually mitigates what would otherwise become wasteful use of time and energy for both ends. My intent now to approach all family matters as I would with every financial transaction puts my mind at ease. This is especially true knowing that I am only indebted to them for certain financial transactions (literally), and designing financial strategies to cover some of their expenditures perfectly falls in line with my vision of maturity awareness approach, for it literally honours the debt (with interest), takes emotions out of the equation, rendering the situation manageable for them as well as myself. This approach borrows from the realm of knowledge and practicality I am already confident with, AND meets their mode of reception. In addition, there is also the option of engaging the services of a lawyer and a tax accountant in administering all loose ends. The contractual relationship therewithin suffices in bringing financial complications to closure whilst my life continues undisrupted. Yes, ideally, a child should never have to grow up taking on such emotionless coping mechanisms against her parents. But the many readers out there like myself, and maybe Gibson too, would recognise merits of my approach. Perhaps when the worst part of a battle was already handled, a formal closure merely merged in due subsequence and naturally felt no emotional attachment? I envisage a movement or two in the future though, however remote the possibility may be. Picture a movement that shall attract robust discussions and present challenges to those who wish to become parents - a movement that asks the question IF any human being shall obtain a parenting licence prior to parenting. If our laws prohibit professionals from giving financial advice, operating on patients, providing legal services without passing the fitness test in each respective field, what then makes it acceptable for anyone to become parents, qualification unassessed? Especially considering that a significant number of cases of mental illness and many societal complications today is deeply rooted in dysfunctional families where parents failed themselves as much as their children? (To think, even animal shelters assess prospective adopting/fostering parents in determining their ability to provide the love and care which the animals deserve. )

This is me 10/10 and the reason I have very few friends: Because they’re so attuned to feelings, internalizers are extremely sensitive to the quality of emotional intimacy in their relationships. Their entire personality longs for emotional spontaneity and intimacy, and they can’t be satisfied with less. Therefore, when they’re raised by immature and emotionally phobic parents, they feel painfully lonely. If there’s anything internalizers have in common, it’s their need to share their inner experience. As children, their need for genuine emotional connection is the central fact of their existence. Nothing hurts their spirit more than being around someone who won’t engage with them emotionally. A blank face kills something in them. They read people closely, looking for signs that they’ve made a connection. This isn’t a social urge, like wanting people to chat with; it’s a powerful hunger to connect heart to heart with a like-minded person who can understand them. They find nothing more exhilarating than clicking with someone who gets them. When they can’t make that kind of connection, they feel emotional loneliness.A lot of the concepts here I've already learned through therapy, but I still commend Lindsay Gibson for articulating them so well! This book actually teaches you about emotionally immature people and externalizers in general, not just parents. I found the concept of nonlinear vs linear perception of time to be super interesting! This and NVC would be the top 2 nonfiction books I would recommend to anyone.