The Package.

Have you ever woken up to find a gun inches from your face? Well, have you? I have, and I didn't find it a nice experience. I was held captive in the company of Terry Briggs and his goons, Desperate and Psycho. I really wished I'd never met them but after that Saturday night fare and the arm around my neck and the drug injection, it was inevitable. But if I hadn't had been kidnapped, I would never have seen the chairs and if I hadn't have been in the position to see the chairs I wouldn't have been beaten up and wouldn't have found out I had to find a package that was nothing to do with me. And then again, if I hadn't have been beaten up, I wouldn't have had to lie to friends or go to the hospital. And if I hadn't have had to go to the hospital, I would have never met Zena. And what about Mr Samuels, I picked him up to take him to the airport, and if I hadn't have picked him up I wouldn't have seen the car for sale outside Mr Samuels house, and if I hadn't have taken the car for a test drive next day I wouldn't have discovered Mr Samuels was Terry Briggs accountant and also discovered later that day that Terry Briggs was having an affair with Helen Samuels and if I hadn't have been kidnapped in the first place I wouldn't have had to tell the police and if the police had helped me I wouldn't have been accused of being a pervert and if I'd never met Desperate and Psycho I would never have seen that classic car and I still had to look for the package and if I hadn't have gotten a dinner date with Zena, Desperate and Psycho wouldn't have been able to ruin it and do you know anybody called Mungo, well I do and if Mungo didn't know the Harrisons then I wouldn't have a lead on the package and if I hadn't have been so persistent then I wouldn't have been arrested and the vandalism carried on and thanks to the Harrisons I was introduced to another gun after which I was given a broken nose and had to have another trip to the hospital and there hadn't have been so much vandalism then I might not have been evicted and I still had to pick up Mr Samuels from the airport because if I didn't I wouldn't have learnt pertinent facts about Terry Briggs business and if I hadn't of bought a new car I wouldn't have had the bailiffs round. And if I hadn't have phoned Terry Briggs I wouldn't have had another visit from his goons and have to pay yet another visit to the hospital and the rest of my week went up and down like that until Saturday, By the way, my name is Greg Patterson.Oh, and then there was Harry, without whom this tale would never have been told.