Emily Nagoski

Amelia Nagoski

"This groundbreaking book explains why women experience burnout differently than men--and provides a simple, science-based plan to help women minimize stress, manage emotions, and live a more joyful life. The gap between what it's really like to be a woman and what people expect women to be is a primary cause of burnout, because we exhaust ourselves trying to close the space between the two. How can you "love your body" when everything around you tells you you're inadequate? How do you "lean in" at work when you're already giving 110% and aren't recognized for it? How can you live happily and healthily in a world that is constantly telling you you're too fat, too needy, too noisy, and too selfish? Sisters Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., the bestselling author of Come as You Are, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, are here to help end the cycle of overwhelm and exhaustion, and confront the obstacles that stand between women and well-being. With insights from the latest science, prescriptive advice, and helpful worksheets and exercises, Burnout reveals: - what you can do to complete the biological stress cycle--and return your body to a state of relaxation. - how to manage the "monitor" in your brain that regulates the emotion of frustration. - how the Bikini Industrial Complex makes it difficult for women to love their bodies--and how to fight back. - why rest, human connection, and befriending your inner critic are key to recovering from and preventing burnout"--

The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

Burnout

Emily Nagoski, PhD

Amelia Nagoski, DMA

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “This book is a gift! I’ve been practicing their strategies, and it’s a total game-changer.”—Brené Brown, PhD, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Dare to Lead This groundbreaking book explains why women experience burnout differently than men—and provides a simple, science-based plan to help women minimize stress, manage emotions, and live a more joyful life. Burnout. Many women in America have experienced it. What’s expected of women and what it’s really like to be a woman in today’s world are two very different things—and women exhaust themselves trying to close the gap between them. How can you “love your body” when every magazine cover has ten diet tips for becoming “your best self”? How do you “lean in” at work when you’re already operating at 110 percent and aren’t recognized for it? How can you live happily and healthily in a sexist world that is constantly telling you you’re too fat, too needy, too noisy, and too selfish? Sisters Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, are here to help end the cycle of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Instead of asking us to ignore the very real obstacles and societal pressures that stand between women and well-being, they explain with compassion and optimism what we’re up against—and show us how to fight back. In these pages you’ll learn • what you can do to complete the biological stress cycle—and return your body to a state of relaxation • how to manage the “monitor” in your brain that regulates the emotion of frustration • how the Bikini Industrial Complex makes it difficult for women to love their bodies—and how to defend yourself against it • why rest, human connection, and befriending your inner critic are keys to recovering and preventing burnout With the help of eye-opening science, prescriptive advice, and helpful worksheets and exercises, all women will find something transformative in these pages—and will be empowered to create positive change. Emily and Amelia aren’t here to preach the broad platitudes of expensive self-care or insist that we strive for the impossible goal of “having it all.” Instead, they tell us that we are enough, just as we are—and that wellness, true wellness, is within our reach. NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY BOOKRIOT “Burnout is the gold standard of self-help books, delivering cutting-edge science with energy, empathy, and wit. The authors know exactly what’s going on inside your frazzled brain and body, and exactly what you can do to fix it. . . . Truly life-changing.”—Sarah Knight, New York Times bestselling author of Calm the F*ck Down

Natasha Noble

'This book is a gift! I've been practicing their strategies, and it's a total game-changer.' Brené Brown, PhD, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller DARE TO LEAD This groundbreaking book explains why women experience burnout differently than men - and provides a simple, science-based plan to help women minimize stress, manage emotions and live a more joyful life. The gap between what it's really like to be a woman and what people expect women to be is a primary cause of burnout, because we exhaust ourselves trying to close the space between the two. How can you 'love your body' when everything around you tells you you're inadequate? How do you 'lean in' at work when you're already giving 110% and aren't recognized for it? How can you live happily and healthily in a world that is constantly telling you you're too fat, too needy, too noisy and too selfish? Sisters Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., the bestselling author of Come as You Are, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, are here to help end the cycle of overwhelm and exhaustion, and confront the obstacles that stand between women and well-being. With insights from the latest science, prescriptive advice, and helpful worksheets and exercises, Burnout reveals: * what you can do to complete the biological stress cycle - and return your body to a state of relaxation. * how to manage the 'monitor' in your brain that regulates the emotion of frustration. * how the Bikini Industrial Complex makes it difficult for women to love their bodies - and how to fight back. * why rest, human connection, and befriending your inner critic are key to recovering from and preventing burnout. Eye-opening, compassionate and optimistic, Burnout will completely transform the way we think about and manage stress, empowering women to thrive under pressure and enjoy meaningful yet balanced lives. All women will find something transformative in these pages - and be empowered to create positive and lasting change.

The secret to solving the stress cycle

Jessica Lam

This groundbreaking book explains why women experience burnout differently than men--and provides a simple, science-based plan to help women minimize stress, manage emotions, and live a more joyful life. "Essential reading."--Bustle * NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY BOOKRIOT Burnout. Many women in America have experienced it. What's expected of women and what it's really like to be a woman in today's world are two very different things--and women exhaust themselves trying to close the gap between them. How can you "love your body" when every magazine cover has ten diet tips for becoming "your best self"? How do you "lean in" at work when you're already operating at 110 percent and aren't recognized for it? How can you live happily and healthily in a sexist world that is constantly telling you you're too fat, too needy, too noisy, and too selfish? Sisters Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, are here to help end the cycle of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Instead of asking us to ignore the very real obstacles and societal pressures that stand between women and well-being, they explain with compassion and optimism what we're up against--and show us how to fight back. In these pages you'll learn * what you can do to complete the biological stress cycle--and return your body to a state of relaxation * how to manage the "monitor" in your brain that regulates the emotion of frustration * how the Bikini Industrial Complex makes it difficult for women to love their bodies--and how to defend yourself against it * why rest, human connection, and befriending your inner critic are keys to recovering and preventing burnout With the help of eye-opening science, prescriptive advice, and helpful worksheets and exercises, all women will find something transformative in these pages--and will be empowered to create positive change. Emily and Amelia aren't here to preach the broad platitudes of expensive self-care or insist that we strive for the impossible goal of "having it all." Instead, they tell us that we are enough, just as we are--and that wellness, true wellness, is within our reach. Praise for Burnout "Burnout is the gold standard of self-help books, delivering cutting-edge science with energy, empathy, and wit. The authors know exactly what's going on inside your frazzled brain and body, and exactly what you can do to fix it. . . . Truly life-changing."--Sarah Knight, New York Times bestselling author of Calm the F*ck Down

Jenna

After many years of trying to finish this book, I finally completed it. I found myself getting bogged down in trying to milk every little tidbit of information from this book, but the mix of scientific and fictional prose made the read more pleasant.

This book won't solve all of your problems, but it'll definitely give you a few good tools. Unlike many self-help authors, I especially appreciate how Nagoski helps the reader feel simultaneously empowered to improve their well-being and also not at fault for their suffering. She thoroughly acknowledges how cultural expectations and attitudes function as obstacles and enforcers. 

pre-review:
Anthony recommended reading Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski when we were in college to learn more about female sexuality. I woefully ignored his recommendation, but then came across a podcast episode where Nagoski was interviewed. After reading her book Come As You Are, I felt compelled to check out her second work, Burnout. I don't remember when or how I bought this book, but I'm excited to finally sit down and read it.

Sarah Schumacher

I picked this up on a whim after someone mentioned it in a recent convo. I knew nothing about the book or the authors and was pleasantly surprised by it.

However, I think it’s for a very specific type of target market. It is directed only to womxn. It’s written very casually, with humor, and clearly intended to be relatable. It’s a fun read, with stories of two composite women sprinkled in. It discusses science, includes notes, but it’s not clinical. But I think the reader already needs to understand the basic gist of some of the societal issues around gender and patriarchy before reading this.

I’m seeing from other reviews that many people are not understanding where this analysis is coming from. It’s not a simple thing to analyze the root causes of why society is the way it is, and it requires an open mind, introspection, and the ability to see some really unpleasant stuff. If this is your first exposure to these ideas (i.e. if you’re a woman uncomfortable with the word feminist), this may be a bit of a shock. It absolutely ties into burnout, yes, but on a much deeper level than what’s expected by most readers.

I feel like I would recommend this to people who are already familiar with these ideas. The authors have tried to make it accessible, but I think it’s going to be too much for, say, a conservative-leaning woman who attends a church where only men are allowed to lead, and she’s never actually thought deeply about why that is. There’s just so much to unpack here. Women in these situations are explicitly taught they can’t trust themselves and they’re going to dismiss this book outright as soon as they see the word “patriarchy.” I’m not sure what book I’d recommend there, other than to start with just learning about your own self-worth and capacity to be a whole human separate from any required roles you think you need to fulfill. This is absolutely the Human Giver concept they discuss in the book; that is the quintessential Christian housewife, and even if you don’t identify with that, if you’re American you live in a country saturated with those ideals.

So if you’re a womxn who calls yourself a feminist and need to be reminded about some of the core issues and things you already know you should be doing I’d recommend this. It’s just not about solely “burnout” per se. It’s about what’s behind your own expectations for who and how you have to be in this world, and it asks you to consider whether these absorbed ideas are helping or hurting you.

Becky A

I got this from the library after a pretty long time on the holds list, tore through it a few days and now I think I’m going to have to buy a copy so I can make highlights...which I’ve literally never done before. But this book made a bunch of connections happen in my brain about me and my mom and my friends; it made me think about my approach to creativity and when it feels good and when it doesn’t; it actually made me want to sit down and journal about my feelings which no psych or self-help book has before. 

I don’t know that there’s a lot in it that’s necessarily ground breaking, and most of the actionable advice is stuff everyone has heard before. But it gives a lot of insight into WHY that advice works (not just “you should exercise” but “exercise is one of several ways to help your body process stress and we highly recommend it, here are some other things you can try if exercise isn’t your thing” for example). Like I said, it helped me make connections and gave me some clarity about various thoughts and feelings I’ve had that were pretty hazy before. 

Also, it’s quick and easy to read and full of genuine compassion, so when it gives you that fairly standard advice it’s never condescending.

Pavonini

The style was very Internet, which did get tiring. I think that could alienate some readers. 

The content was good, and more realistic than I imagine self-help books to be. Separating stress from stressors is a good strategy. Connection as a cure is an important concept. 

There were other problematic aspects for me like the promotion of HAES which I think you don’t need to believe to improve your relationship with your body. The recognition then denial of the effects of sex/gender on stress is wrong but normal in our current climate. 

I did appreciate the stuff about positive reframing & sel-talk not working for some and how to work around that.

Overall: medium. I liked aspects, and will see how it plays out in application.

Naomi J.

Started reading for a podcast book club. Really disappointed. The book is gendered (and very ‘white feminist’j in a way that ignores my different experience and I suspect wouldn’t work for most readers. A few useful ideas, but for a book claiming to be based on research, many of the concepts are not as solid as the writers think. I don’t give books more than a couple of chapters anymore if I’m not a fan - too many good books to read. I gave this four chapters, trying to see if I’d missed something, but had to give up eventually.

Cindy Lieberman

A common sense and often humorous approach to living a healthier life by identifying stressors and finding ways to “complete the stress cycle.” Lots of supporting research re the patriarchy and “bikini industrial complex” that have fed our inner critics and caused many women to suffer from universal giver syndrome (why women almost universally take on more people-focused tasks than do men). The book made me feel angry/sad in recognition of these systemic issues and ultimately hopeful for future generations of women who don’t just ask but will expect and demand equality in all aspects of life. Audiobook wonderfully narrated by the authors.

Kim Tyo-Dickerson

Feminist self-help book with three main takeaways for me that ultimately shifted my feelings about the read and had me give this work four stars:

1 - stress responses are separate from stressors and you have to deal with the stress and complete the emotional cycle which has a beginning, middle and end, otherwise chronic illness or even more serious consequences await you. The stressor doesn't have to necessarily disappear in order to do this emotional work (big, big aha!), 
2 - you can complete the cycle either through physical activities (best option) or social strategies involving affection, including a 20-second hug, laughter, and creative expression,
3 - we have been practicing gratitude, a key piece of wellness, wrong. We need to practice gratitude not as a list of things we are grateful for, but rather focus on gratitude-for-how-things-happen. Wow!

All of this is delivered up in the first and last chapters and worth reading in detail. 

The main points about burnout, stressors and unlocking the stress response cycle were distilled in a fabulous podcast with Brene Brown, which I listened to first and which caused me to promptly order the book. (Goodreads can't handle the link to the podcast for some reason...)

I eagerly dived into the following chapters, and then realized I was half-heartedly reading many of the chapters, as hip with pop culture references and solid feminist credentials as they were, as they got bogged down for me in some pretty standard re-visioning tools, identifying a problem, putting solutions in grids, visualizing your madwoman in the attic, etc. I found many of the following chapters a bit of a let down, more amorphous, reminding me of third-wave feminist books I read at college in the 80s (cue the original book The Madwoman in the Attic: The Woman Writer and the Nineteenth-Century Literary Imagination). 

That is, till I got to the last chapter which winds down to a very concrete discussion of the role of gratitude in our lives. Yes! This was useful, a discussion of how to incorporate gratitude practices that bypass the random list of "10 things I am grateful for" which never worked for me. The science behind the kind of gratitude that works is refreshing and useful. 

For anyone who has not been reading feminist works in literature and psychology most of their lives, this book might be truly revolutionary. I am glad to have the nuggets of wisdom I found here, so definitely worth the read even if I skimmed the bulk of the middle, and the nuggets are so useful I think most women should read this. In fact, I'm handing it to my daughter to read next.

Caroline Lewicki

I read this book hoping that it might give me something during these shitty, stressful times. It was okay. I think I'll take some tips from here (like the 9-10 hours of "rest" a day tip) but a lot of it was more applicable to people with daily stressors like work and family. Obviously this was written pre-COVID and there was no way the authors could know what we'd be hit with, but I just didn't feel like many of the tips applied to me. I also wished it touched on men's stress too, but again, a product of not knowing we'd be in a pandemic shortly after publication.

Sloan, Kara

Great beginner's guide. However, revisiting after learning much more about stress and it's effects on the body, and how to midigate it's deleterious effects, this book barely scratches the surface.

Laura Mitchell Hutchinson

Honestly, the first two chapters of this book should be essential reading for all adult humans. We are all told 'exercise is good for you' but I didn't understand just how crucial it was for regular brain functioning and specifically, processing emotions. AND, what to do if you just cannot exercise, for lack of physicality or even just lack of motivation. 

The rest of the book was great and interesting, but it is that first section that explains the science of emotions and how to process them properly that will really stay with me. As always, the Nagoski twins are excellent narrators and really bring this scientific non-fiction to life, highly recommend the audiobook. (As a close second to Come As You Are, which still takes the cake in my opinion).

I am aiming to read 21 genres in 2021. This one ticks the boxes of #nonfiction #psychology #feminism #audiobook

Lance Willett

Real talk, practical advice, and science-based analysis mixed with personal anecdotes makes this book a must-read for anyone dealing with burnout. Ideally before it happens. Listening to signals, knowing when to quit or say no, and remembering we are built to oscillate between connection and autonomy and back again.

My favorite takeaway:

Just because you've dealt with a stressor, that doesn’t mean you’ve dealt with the stress itself. And you have to deal with the stress and complete the cycle—or it will slowly kill you.

Read hardcover from local library, February 2020.

Hat tip: Cate Huston.

Burnout The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

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