Chuck Wendig

Miriam hat eine Gabe: Wenn sie einen Menschen berührt, sieht sie den Moment seines Todes. Doch nie konnte sie die Zukunft verhindern. Inzwischen hat sie den Versuch aufgegeben... Als der Trucker Louis Miriam vor einem Überfall rettet, berührt sie seine Hand und sieht das Unvermeidliche: Louis wird in 30 Tagen von einem Killer brutal ermordet und Miriam steht daneben. Ist sie vielleicht das nächste Opfer? Miriam glaubt eigentlich nicht, dass sie die Zukunft ändern kann. Aber sie muss es noch ein Mal versuchen: für ihr Überleben und für seins.

Blackbirds

When she hitches a ride with truck driver Louis Darling and foresees his brutal murder, Miriam Black, who knows when people will die, must fight for her own life while she tries to save him. Original.

Janice Hopper

I don't know why I keep thinking I can still read and enjoy dark & violent books like this. 

The book is pretty well-written, I think. That's why I stayed with it. But books like this just make me depressed & unhappy these days. 

It's not you, book, it's me.

Sarah Escorsa

☢ The Only Thing I Liked about this Book is its Cover Buddy Read (TOTILatBisCBR™), over at the MacHalo Asylum Mansion ☢

➼ Disclaimer #1: Petronilla, my reviewing mojo (view spoiler)[
  yes, my reviewing mojo has a name. So what? Stranger things have happened. Then again maybe not
 (hide spoiler)] is currently holidaying with the murderous crustaceans' cousins in the Andaman Sea. Being quite totally unable to write semi-passable crappy non reviews without her most wondrous help, I had to resort to hiring RonaldTroopers Inc again. Desperate move if there ever was one, I know, but there you have it and stuff. One Pathetically Pathetic Uninspired Crappy Non review Check List Thingy  (PPUCNRCLT™) coming right up!



Please meet Petronilla, my Little Barnacles. Yes, an air-headed, blonde mojo with a silly smirk on her face does indeed reside in my little head. Explains a lot, doesn't it?

(view spoiler)[ ☠ Unfriendly reminder: The pathetic contents of this Crappy Non review Check List Thingy are the sole property of RonaldTroopers Inc. No part of this Crappy Non review Check List Thingy may be reprinted, reproduced or published without the express written consent of the guys with the funny red hair. All those hopeless enough to plagiarize said contents will suffer a slow, painful, horrible, possibly excruciating death ☠  (hide spoiler)]

» Ze BlackBirds Crappy Non review Check List Thingy «

✘ Third person present tense narration, aka please someone kill me now.

✘ The continuous accumulation of supposedly (view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)] batshit crazy/fucked up/whatever stuff does not a plot make. Especially when it's, you know, continuously accumulated. For no other reason than to be, you know, continuously accumulated. It serves no purpose. It's overkill. It feels forced. It ends up becoming borderline ridiculously laughable and laughably ridiculous. Which gets old bloody shrimping fast. As for the supposedly (view spoiler)[
  
 (hide spoiler)] batshit crazy/fucked up/whatever itself? Let me tell you, my Lovely Arthropods, this ain't naught compared to what I went through in my nefarious subaquatic youth.

✘ Barely there, simplistic plot is barely there and simplistic. It's quite delightful, really. And oh so gripping, too.

✘ This book is Emotional Flatland Paradise (EFP™). It is wonderfully populated with delightful cardboard box-like, one-dimensional, allegedly fucked-up characters (yawn) who happen to have as much personality as barnacles (no offense, my Tiny Decapods). They really are quite remarkably engaging. Which makes for a fascinating, thrilling read. Oh yes, most definitely. This ain't one of those boring, lackluster, dull stories at all, my Comely Branchiopoda. Oh no, absolutely not.



✘ This is one of those books that feel like the author wrote them for the sole purpose of having them turned into a TV/Netflix/Hulu/Whatever series. And given that I am one of those ancient, archaic freaks who never watch TV/Netflix/Hulu/Whatever and would rather observe copulating shrimps than watch TV/Netflix/Hulu/Whatever series slightly dislike series, this somewhat annoyed me. Not much, mind you. It just kind of made me feel like a homicidal maniac of sorts, that is all.

✘ That ending. You have got to be shrimping kidding me. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong (view spoiler)[
  I never am, but it's always good to play it humble and stuff
 (hide spoiler)], but this is supposed to be a supposedly (view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)] batshit crazy/fucked up/whatever story, right? Just checking. Because that silly, HEA-smelling ending could have fooled me. Okay, so this is not exactly a Care Bears Land HEA (CBLHEA™), but bloody fishing hell, did it come close. It made me want to either eyeroll myself to death or put a bullet through my lovely little head. But then I thought that if I did, you Little Barnacles would miss me too much, and therefore decided to survive a little longer. 



Now, since I am all fairness and kindness and compassion and all that crap, I have to admit this book is not ALL bad. No it isn't. I did give it a 2-star rating after all, and not one of those Spontaneous Combustion Inducing 1-Star Ratings (SCI1SR™). Which means, that yes, I do have something positive to say about this captivating tale. I bullshit you not. Because the truth is, this book is bad, but at least it reads fast ♫ Always look on the bright side of life and stuff ♫

» Ze End of Ze BlackBirds Crappy Non review Check List Thingy «

➽ And the moral of this Ɗắɳ Rated this One 4 Stars so it Was my Nefarious Duty to Slightly Dislike It Crappy Non review Check List Thingy (DRtO4siWmNDtSDiCNRCLT™) is: most of my Barnacled Friends Minions had the despicably bad taste to enjoy this book but it's okay, I love like tolerate them anyway. Sometimes. A little. Not much though. Because it would be hazardous to my black, withered heart's declining health and stuff. Ha.



[Pre-review nonsense]

Oh wow, what a deeply emotional read. I don't think I'll ever recover from this one. So much excitement, passion and intensity. It really is more than my tiny black withered heart can take.





►► Full Bloody Hell with Books Like this One Who Needs Blood Pressure Pills Crappy Non Review (BHwBLtOWNBPPCNR™) to come.

Michael Cowell

Elizabeth Nolan

Rory O'K

Jeff James

Adam

Didi Chanoch

The first book in the Miriam Black series: “A sassy, hard-boiled thriller with a paranormal slant” (The Guardian) about a young woman who can see the darkest corners of the future. Miriam Black knows how you’re going to die. This makes her daily life a living hell, especially when you can’t do anything about it, or stop trying to. She’s foreseen hundreds of car crashes, heart attacks, strokes, and suicides. She merely needs to touch you—skin to skin contact—and she knows how and when your final moments will occur. Miriam has given up trying to save people; that only makes their deaths happen. But then she hitches a ride with Louis Darling and shakes his hand, and she sees in thirty days that Louis will be murdered while he calls her name. Louis will die because he met her, and Miriam will be the next victim. No matter what she does she can’t save Louis. But if she wants to stay alive, she’ll have to try. “Think Six Feet Under co-written by Stephen King and Chuck Palahniuk” (SFX), and you have Blackbirds: a visceral, exciting novel about life on the edge.

Jason Long

Greg Park

Hanna

When she hitches a ride with truck driver Louis Darling and foresees his brutal murder, Miriam Black, who knows when people will die, must fight for her own life while she tries to save him.

Blackbirds

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