Blackbirds

I don't know why I keep thinking I can still read and enjoy dark & violent books like this. The book is pretty well-written, I think. That's why I stayed with it. But books like this just make me depressed & unhappy these days. It's not you, book, it's me.

☢ The Only Thing I Liked about this Book is its Cover Buddy Read (TOTILatBisCBR™), over at the MacHalo Asylum Mansion ☢ ➼ Disclaimer #1: Petronilla, my reviewing mojo (view spoiler)[ yes, my reviewing mojo has a name. So what? Stranger things have happened. Then again maybe not (hide spoiler)] is currently holidaying with the murderous crustaceans' cousins in the Andaman Sea. Being quite totally unable to write semi-passable crappy non reviews without her most wondrous help, I had to resort to hiring RonaldTroopers Inc again. Desperate move if there ever was one, I know, but there you have it and stuff. One Pathetically Pathetic Uninspired Crappy Non review Check List Thingy (PPUCNRCLT™) coming right up! Please meet Petronilla, my Little Barnacles. Yes, an air-headed, blonde mojo with a silly smirk on her face does indeed reside in my little head. Explains a lot, doesn't it? (view spoiler)[ ☠ Unfriendly reminder: The pathetic contents of this Crappy Non review Check List Thingy are the sole property of RonaldTroopers Inc. No part of this Crappy Non review Check List Thingy may be reprinted, reproduced or published without the express written consent of the guys with the funny red hair. All those hopeless enough to plagiarize said contents will suffer a slow, painful, horrible, possibly excruciating death ☠ (hide spoiler)] » Ze BlackBirds Crappy Non review Check List Thingy « ✘ Third person present tense narration, aka please someone kill me now. ✘ The continuous accumulation of supposedly (view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)] batshit crazy/fucked up/whatever stuff does not a plot make. Especially when it's, you know, continuously accumulated. For no other reason than to be, you know, continuously accumulated. It serves no purpose. It's overkill. It feels forced. It ends up becoming borderline ridiculously laughable and laughably ridiculous. Which gets old bloody shrimping fast. As for the supposedly (view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)] batshit crazy/fucked up/whatever itself? Let me tell you, my Lovely Arthropods, this ain't naught compared to what I went through in my nefarious subaquatic youth. ✘ Barely there, simplistic plot is barely there and simplistic. It's quite delightful, really. And oh so gripping, too. ✘ This book is Emotional Flatland Paradise (EFP™). It is wonderfully populated with delightful cardboard box-like, one-dimensional, allegedly fucked-up characters (yawn) who happen to have as much personality as barnacles (no offense, my Tiny Decapods). They really are quite remarkably engaging. Which makes for a fascinating, thrilling read. Oh yes, most definitely. This ain't one of those boring, lackluster, dull stories at all, my Comely Branchiopoda. Oh no, absolutely not. ✘ This is one of those books that feel like the author wrote them for the sole purpose of having them turned into a TV/Netflix/Hulu/Whatever series. And given that I am one of those ancient, archaic freaks who never watch TV/Netflix/Hulu/Whatever and would rather observe copulating shrimps than watch TV/Netflix/Hulu/Whatever series slightly dislike series, this somewhat annoyed me. Not much, mind you. It just kind of made me feel like a homicidal maniac of sorts, that is all. ✘ That ending. You have got to be shrimping kidding me. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong (view spoiler)[ I never am, but it's always good to play it humble and stuff (hide spoiler)], but this is supposed to be a supposedly (view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)] batshit crazy/fucked up/whatever story, right? Just checking. Because that silly, HEA-smelling ending could have fooled me. Okay, so this is not exactly a Care Bears Land HEA (CBLHEA™), but bloody fishing hell, did it come close. It made me want to either eyeroll myself to death or put a bullet through my lovely little head. But then I thought that if I did, you Little Barnacles would miss me too much, and therefore decided to survive a little longer. Now, since I am all fairness and kindness and compassion and all that crap, I have to admit this book is not ALL bad. No it isn't. I did give it a 2-star rating after all, and not one of those Spontaneous Combustion Inducing 1-Star Ratings (SCI1SR™). Which means, that yes, I do have something positive to say about this captivating tale. I bullshit you not. Because the truth is, this book is bad, but at least it reads fast ♫ Always look on the bright side of life and stuff ♫ » Ze End of Ze BlackBirds Crappy Non review Check List Thingy « ➽ And the moral of this Ɗắɳ Rated this One 4 Stars so it Was my Nefarious Duty to Slightly Dislike It Crappy Non review Check List Thingy (DRtO4siWmNDtSDiCNRCLT™) is: most of my Barnacled Friends Minions had the despicably bad taste to enjoy this book but it's okay, I love like tolerate them anyway. Sometimes. A little. Not much though. Because it would be hazardous to my black, withered heart's declining health and stuff. Ha. [Pre-review nonsense] Oh wow, what a deeply emotional read. I don't think I'll ever recover from this one. So much excitement, passion and intensity. It really is more than my tiny black withered heart can take. ►► Full Bloody Hell with Books Like this One Who Needs Blood Pressure Pills Crappy Non Review (BHwBLtOWNBPPCNR™) to come.