Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

life changing

Disclaimer: I have a graduate degree in Gender Studies and am a total nerd for this stuff. I was first introduced to Emily Nagoski when she was interviewed on the Nerdist podcast Sex Nerd Sandra, and I have been waiting to get my hands on Come As You Are since the first sentence she uttered on that show. I was so excited to find that her voice moved easily from radio to page, and I have to tell you, I have never recommended anything to EVERYONE IN THE WORLD more strongly. Yes. Literally everyone. This is not your average, run of the mill self-help book. This is a beautifully researched compendium by a PhD'd sex educator. Her voice is a fun, millennial-friendly one full of nerdy Tumblr-esque references and fantastic analogies that will have you exclaiming 'that makes so much sense!' every few pages. Nagoski also acknowledges the experience of all kinds of women, including survivors of trauma. She addresses but peels away all of the judgement strewn about in our culture about women's bodies and sexualities, in all its diversity. She is sex-positive and body-positive. I am a changed person for reading this book, and if I won the lottery tomorrow I would probably buy a copy for every single person I know. Yes. You read that right. /endfangirlrant

There were so many people saying that you HAVE to read this as a women but this book didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know

An important book Ignore the racy cover - this book about sex was mostly about a woman’s most important sex organ, the brain. This book is a massive, well-researched volume on female sexuality and undoing the negative messages society delivers to women around sex, body image, etc. some might dislike the repetition around a few concepts, but I found it helpful as some explanations work better than others and you’ll find a few great metaphors for understanding scientific concepts.

Very nice, but the metaphors had me laughing.

I had high hopes for the book due to the high rating. However, I felt it fell flat on describing some common problems why women have a hard time reaching orgasm. Also, the book would have been more actionable with slightly less body-optimism wrap around every topic.

Interesting but has way too many examples/stories. I learnt a couple of things but not as much as I expected.

TW to be added later

This is a must read for absolutely everyone. There are so, so many things I didn't know and this book brings the knowledge to you in a clear, concise, yet fun way. Can't wait to read the updated version!

Horrible. First off not science. This should be marketed as self help. Then it claims it has all this “new science” nothing about this was new. She also gives percentages of men being victims of SA and DV and they were EXTREMELY inaccurate. Also it feels very “preteen partners teaching you about sex” when using metaphors that reference fruits and flowers. As someone who cannot DNF a book I did finish it but I 100% do not recommend.

I want to give this book to all my friends and all their partners. It was easy to get frustrated with the abundance of mixed metaphors, and the writing style was too casual for my tastes BUT WOW what a primer on female sexuality and all the falsehoods we are taught about our desire and our bodies. I feel like all the pleasure in the world is mine for the taking. Read it.

Everybody should read this 🙏

Everyone of every gender and sexuality should read this book. it felt a bit slow and tedious by the end, but overall I learned a lot about the science of sexuality and the physiology of sex.

TL;DR - More psychology (therapy-style) than biology. Reads like a slightly more informative Psychology Today article. Some things to note: * While this book was quite comprehensive, going over everything from the biology to the psychology of the sexual experience, in my opinion, the latter took center stage for the majority of the book. This might prove especially helpful to those people dealing with certain cognitive hiccups for themselves or their partners. For those seeking more information on the anatomical, physiological, microbial, and other general biological perspectives, I would instead recommend that you spend your time with The Vagina Bible: The Vulva and the Vagina—Separating the Myth from the Medicine by Jennifer Gunter (Seriously, that book is pretty great so far!) * I did prefer the informal style of this over She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner. The latter read more like one long magazine article disguised as Science Proper, with use of pop trivia, tons of secondary sources and quotes from other magazines or books, and much of it opinion-based and from the author's personal experiences. This book got the tone + audience matched a bit better (probably because I went in with much lower expectations), though it still reads like a magazine article you'd skim through at the grocery market checkout aisles or some slightly more informative Psychology Today piece online. Conclusion - 2/5 stars. I would instead checkout The Vagina Bible: The Vulva and the Vagina—Separating the Myth from the Medicine by Jennifer Gunter.

Very good book on female sexuality – or sexuality in general. I liked the approach, not so much because it's based on science and research but rather on human experience, and on the premise that everyone's 'normal'. You won't find tips & tricks to improve your sexy moves here – there's no advice like that. Rather, you'll find an analysis on how we are all shown – from an early age – a series of myths around sex, and how, when those myths don't align with our own experience, we feel inadequate and weird. My final thoughts are that we should all talk more about sex – but honestly. Not with boasting, not joking or making sexy allusions, but rather sharing our experiences with transparency. Meet a close friend for coffee and share some of your doubts with them, share your fears, your "Am I normal? Is this normal? Has this ever happened to you?", because you'll probably discover that, yes, that's happened to them, or maybe something else, something that you find a bit strange, has happened to them instead. We are all exposed to a limited amount of information on sexuality and what bodies look like. In fact, men are more exposed – through personal experience, through amateur porn, etc, – to women's bodies and sexuality than women themselves. Men have seen many types of vulvas, many types of breasts, many types of sexual attitudes and responses. Women, however, usually only experience their own sexuality and body. They believe no other woman has uneven breasts, or flabby stomachs, or strange-looking vulvas, or that no other woman struggles with orgasm, or desire itself. But that's of course not true. And this book brings light to that, to the whole range of experiences available, and how they are all normal. If there's one thing that bothered me, however, was the metaphors the author used, as well as the sometimes too conversational tone, and jokes that were really not that funny. I found those bits a tad condescending and I thought it could have done without those. But otherwise good. A much needed book, I would say.

Every woman should read this book.

Dit is hoe ik seksuele voorlichting had willen krijgen. Het boek is luchtig en grappig geschreven, met als duidelijke boodschap: je bent normaal. De media, de voorlichting op school en de cultuur waarin je opgroeit geeft meestal een verkeerd beeld over hoe je seksualiteit zal moeten zijn. Emily Nagoski weet je opnieuw te informeren, gebaseerd op wetenschappelijke studies en haar werk als seksueel opvoeder.

This is a damn good book that I can very much recommend to people you want to learn more about pleasure and sex as it pertains to cisgender women but also other people that have a vulva and vagina. This book talks about these issues using very gendered terms, so if that makes you uncomfortable you should maybe skip this one. This book did a lot for me and I cried because I would have needed it a lot a few months ago....

A refreshing perspective considering modern culture. I recommend it to all my girlfriends. It uses a science based approach with anecdotal experiences from real women.

EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS yes, I am yelling! The number of times I said “REALLY? How did I not already know this?” and also “duh, that makes complete sense, but wow” is astounding.

4,5 sterren voor de inhoud. 1 ster voor de afschuwelijke vertaling in het Nederlands in combinatie met de Amerikaanse goednieuwsshowstijl waar ik een hekel aan heb, die maakte het soms een beetje een worsteling. 'kom als jezelf', ik ben het al een paar weken op de melodie van het Nirvananummer aan het zingen in mijn living.

Well, quite informative.

Okay, so... technically this is a DNF around 70 or 80% back in 2018, BUT that doesn't stop me from giving it 4 stars. I started listening to the audiobook back when I was taking a Sexuality and Public Health class in 2018 for my master's program. It was something a classmate had recommended. I would listen to the audiobook on my walk to school and back throughout the semester. I never finished it because I didn't feel motivated to pick up this book again after my classes ended... too much time went on, and at this point in my life, I don't think I will pick it up again. I think that for me since I had a background in public health and medicine, and as someone with an interest in women's health and sexual health, I knew a lot of what the author discussed. I still learned some new things, and I really really enjoyed the author's discussion of real patients and cases that she had seen. However, I agree with another review that I saw that stated this book felt a bit more like sex therapy than it did a scientific nonfiction book about research in sex. I think this book is really for anyone who wants to feel empowered about their sex life and want to learn a bit more about their vaginas, hormones, and the how our psychosocial wellbeing plays a part in our sex drive. Or, it can be a book for those who may be frustrated that sex isn't all that they thought it would be. If something is frustrating you regarding your sex life, some of the chapters in here can be really really insightful. Lastly, I definitely recommend all cishet men to read this ;) Help ya girl out and see how you can make her the most comfortable, learn to communicate better, and understand any differences you may have in your sex drives.

CUDOWNA! polecam każdemu, bez względu na to jak ocenia jakość swojego życia seksualnego. aby zrozumieć siebie, zrozumieć siebie lepiej, zrozumieć partnerkę, obalić mity.

The cover and title of this makes it look like it's all about sex, but it is primarily a book about behavioural psychology, mindfulness and stress management. This is fantastic as an audiobook – Dr Emily's voice is like a warm hug. She makes science and therapy sound really conversational and easily digestible, you can hear the smile and care in her voice. SO good. There were times where I teared up because I just felt so seen. I really recommend this to absolutely everyone – men and women – and I just purchased the paperback copy as well to read it again.