EM and the Big Hoom

Conversations With Em Love is never enough. Madness is enough. It is complete, sufficient unto itself. Early on in this debut novel by Jerry Pinto we learn that Em, of the title, is Imelda and the Big Hoom, named after the sound he makes, is Augustine. Through the point of view of their son, the unnamed narrator of the novel who has a striking resemblance to the author himself, we are taken through the story of a family trying deal with Em’s manic-depression that is a looming presence in their entire lives. The Mendes’s are a Roman Catholic Goan family, who might have been well off under different conditions. At its core, the novel is a love story told through the erratic ramblings of a woman with a mental illness, an addiction to Ganesh Chaap beedis, and who is always accompanied by a cup of tea. Along with the narrator’s sister, Susan, the family lives in a small one-bedroom apartment in Bombay. The lack of space results in a lack of privacy. They cannot get away from their mother’s illness even if they tried, just like they could not escape it in their lives. Em’s manic-depression is not only a burden for her to bear, as the lives of her family members come to a standstill every time she attempts to commit suicide. Even after living in such close quarters to their mother’s illness, their understanding of it is limited. They can only try to help her without actually knowing how she feels. You’re a tourist; she’s a resident. Unlike other children around them, the siblings do not grow up carefree. Instead, they are strapped with the responsibility of caring for their mother, while the roles should have been reversed. This is a reflection of the inability of families with members suffering from mental health problems to shroud them in seclusion. Their privacy is snatched away as the patient reveals their deepest troubles and pain to others. Those who suffer from mental illness and those who suffer from the mental illness of someone they love grow accustomed to such invasions of their privacy. The novel jumps in time and memory as a major chunk of the story is through conversations between the narrator and his mother; and excerpts from her letters and diary entries. Conversations with Em could be like wandering in a town you had never seen before, where every path you took might change course midway and take you with it. These conversations, while taking the reader through the unique love story between Imelda and Augustine, also give an insight into the relationship that the narrator shares with his mother. Em is brutally honest. She says things with no concern about them hurting those around her. This is evident when she tells the narrator that something broke in her after he was born, ignoring the effect this declaration has on him. Even such a heart-breaking story has moments of mirth and the writing leaves the reader with a feeling of nostalgia. One such moment is when Em introduces her son to the Oedipal Complex leaving the difficult task of explaining the details up to her husband. Throughout the story, Em has many names for all her family members, as quirky as those the children have for their parents. The Big Hoom is the rock of the family, keeping all of them afloat amidst the scary ocean of their mother’s illness. The novel takes the form of a coming-of-age story, as the narrator attempts to emulate the strength with which his father takes over the reins when his mothers tried to kill herself. As the novel comes to an end there are conflicting feelings of peace and grief as the family lose her to a heart attack instead of the illness that had been part of her for so many years. The same home had changed for them without her. Home was already a thinner, lighter space. I read this book soon after getting the opportunity to interact with the author in my college. I really enjoyed it the first time. Then I read it again for my Critical Appreciation class in college and on the second reading, I found brand new things to love. This is definitely a book meant to be read several times in order to find the little details Pinto has cleverly sprinkled into the story.

This was a funny book. It was also a heartbreaking book. At many times it was both at the same time. The highlight for me was the writing. The book may not appeal to everybody because of the topic of discussion ― mental health. However, I loved the treatment and how the characters have to deal with a loved one who unwittingly causes harms. You'll know within the first couple of chapters if you'll like the book. I highly recommend you give it a try.

There's unity in fragility here. A Goan family deals with the mother's mental condition through a series of reminiscences and conversations. There's pain and suffering, but also laughter and mockery. Pinto perfectly encapsulates the virtues of family, the lengths to which they are willing to go for the sake of one of theirs, all the while testing their patience and tolerance. That there could ever be a breaking point never occurs to you. Beautiful book.

I don't know why it took me so long to read this book. Perhaps it was the pain of reading about a family impacted by mental illness or the perfectly crafted passages describing Em's journey. I'd like to go back and read this one again. Much of it hit close to my own life and journey living with someone who has bipolar disorder. Wish I had saved it as a book club pick.