Erika Krouse

Part memoir and part literary true crime, the mesmerizing story of a landmark sexual assault investigation and the female private investigator who helped crack it open. Erika Krouse has one of those faces. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” people say, spilling confessions. In fall 2002, Erika accepts a new contract job investigating lawsuits as a private investigator. The role seems perfect for her, but she quickly realizes she has no idea what she’s doing. Then a lawyer named Grayson assigns her to investigate a sexual assault, a college student who was attacked by football players and recruits at a party a year earlier. Erika knows she should turn the assignment down. Her own history with sexual violence makes it all too personal. But she takes the job anyway, inspired by Grayson’s conviction that he could help change things forever. And maybe she could, too. Over the next five years, Erika learns everything she can about P. I. technique, tracking down witnesses and investigating a culture of sexual assault and harassment ingrained in the university’s football program. But as the investigation grows into a national scandal and a historic civil rights case, Erika finds herself increasingly consumed. When the case and her life both implode at the same time, Erika must figure out how to help win the case without losing herself.

The Story of a Private Investigation

Tell Me Everything

Krys C

And still there is motion, and light to see it by. The mountain is still the mountain, the grass the grass, me me. And you you. My mother, you will die, and I will not come. I will survive the crash, and you won't know. Even as I leave you, I still want to pledge undying love to you, knowing it's a lie. My love is dying right now, so I can live. 

Maybe I too was splashing around in other people's pain just to avoid drowning in my own. Maybe I was only trying to help them because nobody helped me. 

That was a new thought: a school was responsible for the safety and equity of its female students. I had been harassed and discriminated against in most schools, jobs, towns, and venues, and I had accepted it long ago as a given. It was unfair, sure, but so was weather. 

A book I got through in three days because it was hard to put down. Part memoir, Erika describes her violent childhood and finds understanding of incomprehensible abuse via her private investigator work as she pieces together stories of survivors of sex abuse at a Colorado university. What I liked about the book was Erika's deep sense of empathy for everyone around her. As the case grows complicated, she considers her complicity in systems of violence used against these women but she almost always wishes the best for them, admires their bravery in coming forward and telling their stories. And it is when they receive some delayed justice that Erika seems to be able to come to terms with her own childhood sexual abuse. It's a tough read, but Erika's thoughtfulness permeates the text. You root for her and for these women - that they all receive the justice they deserve, that Erika's mother apologizes for her part in the abuse. These things don't always come to fruition. Erika's mother is a ghastly figure who eventually disowns her for something trivial instead of own up to her shortcomings. Similarly, some of the women survivors don't get monetary compensation for all they go through and their abusers don't all receive the punishment they so clearly deserve. But Erika goes so far even to consider the systemic abuse of football players by college sports, citing traumatic brain injury stats and showing a frank but overall compassionate view of the players who may have been complicit in their teammates behaviors if not outright condoning them. What the book shows is the complex aftermath of trauma, how slowly it can explode, taking years for survivors to work through their anger and grief, but how in time things change and improve. Erika's story is by no means a happy one, nor are the tales of the survivors of the abuse at the Colorado university, but there is something close to closure and a hardwon sense of peace that left me feeling thoughtful and quiet after the read. 

Tell Me Everything The Story of a Private Investigation

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