Esmé Weijun Wang

'Dazzling ... in her kaleidoscopic essays, memoir has been shattered into sliding and overlapping pieces ... mind-expanding' The New York Times Book Review Esmé Weijun Wang was officially diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder in 2013, although the hallucinations and psychotic episodes had started years before that. In the midst of a high functioning life at Yale, Stanford and the literary world, she would find herself floored by an overwhelming terror that 'spread like blood', or convinced that she was dead, or that her friends were robots, or spiders were eating holes in her brain. What happens when your whole conception of yourself is turned upside down? When you're aware of what is occurring to you, but unable to do anything about it? Written with immediacy and unflinching honesty, this visceral and moving book is Wang's story, as she steps both inside and outside of her condition to bring it to light. Following her own diagnosis and the many manifestations of schizophrenia in her life, she ranges over everything from how we label mental illness to her own use of fashion and make-up to present herself as high-functioning, from the failures of the higher education system to how factors such as PTSD and Lyme disease compounded her experiences. Wang's analytical, intelligent eye, honed as a former lab researcher at Stanford, allows her to balance research with haunting personal narrative. The Collected Schizophrenias cuts right to the core and provides unique insight into a condition long misdiagnosed and much misunderstood.

The Collected Schizophrenias

Powerful, affecting essays on mental illness, winner of the Graywolf Press Nonfiction Prize and a Whiting Award An intimate, moving book written with the immediacy and directness of one who still struggles with the effects of mental and chronic illness, The Collected Schizophrenias cuts right to the core. Schizophrenia is not a single unifying diagnosis, and Esmé Weijun Wang writes not just to her fellow members of the “collected schizophrenias” but to those who wish to understand it as well. Opening with the journey toward her diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, Wang discusses the medical community’s own disagreement about labels and procedures for diagnosing those with mental illness, and then follows an arc that examines the manifestations of schizophrenia in her life. In essays that range from using fashion to present as high-functioning to the depths of a rare form of psychosis, and from the failures of the higher education system and the dangers of institutionalization to the complexity of compounding factors such as PTSD and Lyme disease, Wang’s analytical eye, honed as a former lab researcher at Stanford, allows her to balance research with personal narrative. An essay collection of undeniable power, The Collected Schizophrenias dispels misconceptions and provides insight into a condition long misunderstood.

Essays

Syrina

Sartre claimed, “we are our choices,” but what has a person become when it’s assumed that said person is innately incapable of choice?

He told me that my problem was obvious: it was a classic case of a Fire typology that had burned out of control, therefore explaining my ambitious personality, pain, inflammation, anxiety, depression, and symptoms of schizophrenia. He indicated a few acupressure points that I could try, including one in the dip of my sternum called the Sea of Tranquility. He advised me to eat less meat and fewer spices. I sipped a chai latte from a to-go cup in his office, and between sips I became anxious that he would smell the chai on my breath, and chide me for feeding an already raging conflagration. 

Some people dislike diagnoses, disagreeably calling them boxes and labels, but I've always found comfort in preexisting conditions; I like to know that i’m not pioneering an  inexplicable experience.

Ryan Mateyk

What if you couldn't trust your own brain? Wang delves into her experience living with schizoaffective disorders in this collection of 13 essays. The writing at time verges on clinical, though most of the time Wang's prose is beautiful and a pleasure to read while also being extremely informative and enlightening to someone as unacquainted with the condition/s as myself.

𓆨

"When the self has been swallowed by illness, isn't it cruel to insist on a self that is not illness?"

It is interesting, but also written in a manner that does not keep my attention. 

Angel Martinez

Schizophrenia remains one of the most heavily stigmatized disorders in our collective consciousness and Wang does a great job in drawing from current events and previous experience to create a sometimes clinical but also compassionate glimpse into her life. As with all essay collections, I saw more value in select pieces compared to others (personal favorites are Yale and Slenderman) but overall, a really important read that I would recommend to anyone whose mind is open enough to unlearn what we’ve all been too ashamed to admit.

beautifully written and so accurate in its description of living with mental illness as well as chronic illness. such a great read.

Sam Pulliam

This series of essays chronicles the author’s experiences with mental and chronic illness. She gives insight into and commentary about mental health and the way it is stigmatized and issues and discussions within the medical community while also sharing personal experiences and anecdotes.
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I requested this book from my library after seeing @bowtiesandbooks talk about it on their channel. I am so glad I did. From the beginning, I was gripped by the writing style. Esme Weijun Wang’s journalist background came through in the best way. She combines hard facts and research with a personal approach and it comes together in such a way that really spoke to my approach to thinking about my own mental health as well as to the way I like to write. I enjoyed learning about the history of schizophrenia and the different approaches and views medical professionals and groups such as NIMH take when talking about and treating patients. The more serious and researched approach did not detract from my connection to Wang’s story and drawing parallels to my own life particularly when it came to conversations surrounding voluntary and involuntary hospitalization. There were times I had to stop and reflect on my own experiences and just take a break because many of the conversations hit close to home. Not being diagnosed with a type of schizophrenia, I still found my own connections into the material and learned so much about what another diagnosis can look like. If you are mentally in a place where you can read about this topic, I would definitely recommend this collection.

Malu Lightwood

"When the self has been swallowed by illness, isn’t it cruel to insist on a self that is not illness? Is this why so many people insist on believing in a soul?"

This book was quite an interesting yet difficult read because it highlights the challenges that still persist in our society when it comes to mental illness.

Many of the critiques I've read about this book said that they didn't feel like the author was talking about her personal experiences as much, but I disagree. By exploring these issues in a larger context, it shows the systemic problems that mentally ill people face everyday: from abuse in medical care to homelessness to the stigmatization of their condition in media, to the challenge of deciding if you are capable to have children or not.

This was such an important read, I found it engaging and informative, without getting too heavy.

Nico J

This starts out wonderful, fascinating, and enrapturing, until it's over and you realize it isn't. Maybe that's a soft metaphor for surfacing out of an attack of psychosis? I realize she doesn't exactly say what she's thinking or doing in these episodes she carefully glides around, skating on ice, and maybe it's not something that can very easily be put into words. Knowing these are essays, there is a lack of hard data that my non-fiction gremlin misses dearly to put this into context, because some chapters are almost dreamily romantic even though it's repeatedly stated that nothing about the mental illness is romantic. The descriptions of being completely out of your control once involuntarily committed is stressful at best and disturbing at worst, and it's a lot like the stories I've had from my close friends who have been in the unfortunate position of rehab or alcoholic rehab - a lack of control, expected to be on point and say you're "better" and act like it. It's the only to get out of that place where the other "crazy" people don't contribute to your recovery. There's a lot to muse on if these group places for rehab are helpful, harmful, a place to playact at normal even when you're not feeling that. If you're acting, are you existing as normal? Where is the normal buried under our mental illness? It definitely lends you questions to think on, or scare yourself with, depending on your brain.

Caitlin Berger

Wow. I can feel myself changing after reading this book. It’s hard to put into words how I felt while reading it. It’s an important book to read and reflect on. I encourage everyone to read it.

The Collected Schizophrenias

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