Etaf Rum

A New York Times bestseller • A Washington Post 10 Books to Read in March • One of Cosmopolitan’s Best Books by POC for 2019 • A Refinery 29 Best Book of the Month • A The Millions Most Anticipated Books of 2019

A Woman is No Man

Three generations of Palestinian-American women living in Brooklyn are torn between individual desire and the strict mores of Arab culture in this powerful debut—a heart-wrenching story of love, intrigue, courage, and betrayal that will resonate with women from all backgrounds, giving voice to the silenced and agency to the oppressed. "Where I come from, we’ve learned to silence ourselves. We’ve been taught that silence will save us. Where I come from, we keep these stories to ourselves. To tell them to the outside world is unheard of—dangerous, the ultimate shame.” Palestine, 1990. Seventeen-year-old Isra prefers reading books to entertaining the suitors her father has chosen for her. Over the course of a week, the naïve and dreamy girl finds herself quickly betrothed and married, and is soon living in Brooklyn. There Isra struggles to adapt to the expectations of her oppressive mother-in-law Fareeda and strange new husband Adam, a pressure that intensifies as she begins to have children—four daughters instead of the sons Fareeda tells Isra she must bear. Brooklyn, 2008. Eighteen-year-old Deya, Isra’s oldest daughter, must meet with potential husbands at her grandmother Fareeda’s insistence, though her only desire is to go to college. Deya can’t help but wonder if her options would have been different had her parents survived the car crash that killed them when Deya was only eight. But her grandmother is firm on the matter: the only way to secure a worthy future for Deya is through marriage to the right man. But fate has a will of its own, and soon Deya will find herself on an unexpected path that leads her to shocking truths about her family—knowledge that will force her to question everything she thought she knew about her parents, the past, and her own future. Set in an America at once foreign to many and staggeringly close at hand, A Woman Is No Man is a story of culture and honor, secrets and betrayals, love and violence. It is an intimate glimpse into a controlling and closed cultural world, and a universal tale about family and the ways silence and shame can destroy those we have sworn to protect.

A Novel

A Woman Is No Man

Wow! The parallels here. This also ties to a passage I recently highlighted from Madame Bovary, which is such a surprising connection.

Bethany Jenkins

“I just assumed you’d be free.” He gave her a curious expression. “You know, because you’re a man.”

Adam said nothing, continuing to stare. Finally he said, “I am free,” and looked away. (22)

“I’m surprised your parents forced you to go to college. I’d assumed they’d let you make your own choices.”

“You know.” She met his eyes. “Because you’re a man.”

Nasser looked at her curiously. “Is that what you think? That I can do anything I want because I’m a man?”

“That’s the world we live in.” (32)

Sophia 

Many days, Isra felt as though she had never had a life before marriage, before motherhood. What had her own childhood been like? She couldn’t remember being a child. 

blue

Words could do extraordinary things, but sometimes they were not enough.

The New York Times bestseller and Read with Jenna TODAY SHOW Book Club pick telling the story of three generations of Palestinian-American women struggling to express their individual desires within the confines of their Arab culture in the wake of shocking intimate violence in their community. A GOODREADS CHOICE AWARDS FINALIST FOR BEST FICTION AND BEST DEBUT • BOOKBROWE'S BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • A MARIE CLAIRE BEST WOMEN'S FICTION OF THE YEAR • A REAL SIMPLE BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • A POPSUGAR BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR ALL WRITTEN BY FEMALES A New York Times Book Review Editors’ Choice • A Washington Post 10 Books to Read in March • A Newsweek Best Book of the Summer • A USA Today Best Book of the Week • A Washington Book Review Difficult-To-Put-Down Novel • A Refinery 29 Best Books of the Month • A Buzzfeed News 4 Books We Couldn't Put Down Last Month • A New Arab Best Books by Arab Authors • An Electric Lit 20 Best Debuts of the First Half of 2019 • A The Millions Most Anticipated Books of 2019 “Garnering justified comparisons to Khaled Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns... Etaf Rum’s debut novel is a must-read about women mustering up the bravery to follow their inner voice.” —Refinery 29 "Where I come from, we’ve learned to silence ourselves. We’ve been taught that silence will save us. Where I come from, we keep these stories to ourselves. To tell them to the outside world is unheard of—dangerous, the ultimate shame.” Palestine, 1990. Seventeen-year-old Isra prefers reading books to entertaining the suitors her father has chosen for her. Over the course of a week, the naïve and dreamy girl finds herself quickly betrothed and married, and is soon living in Brooklyn. There Isra struggles to adapt to the expectations of her oppressive mother-in-law Fareeda and strange new husband Adam, a pressure that intensifies as she begins to have children—four daughters instead of the sons Fareeda tells Isra she must bear. Brooklyn, 2008. Eighteen-year-old Deya, Isra’s oldest daughter, must meet with potential husbands at her grandmother Fareeda’s insistence, though her only desire is to go to college. Deya can’t help but wonder if her options would have been different had her parents survived the car crash that killed them when Deya was only eight. But her grandmother is firm on the matter: the only way to secure a worthy future for Deya is through marriage to the right man. But fate has a will of its own, and soon Deya will find herself on an unexpected path that leads her to shocking truths about her family—knowledge that will force her to question everything she thought she knew about her parents, the past, and her own future.

Elad Schulman

The guilt of making your immigrant family proud is written vividly. 

Gladys Marcos

After Seeing This Book on a Friends Top books for the first half of 2024 I remembered that I had a copy of this one and decided that it was time to push myself to give it a go and I’m glad that I did as honestly this was such an eye-opening book in so many ways and I think that it’s an important read for everyone!

Told in two past timelines with different narrators, we mostly hear from eighteen-year-old Deya, and her mother, Isra. We also occasionally hear from Fareeda, Deya’s grandmother and Isra’s mother-in-law. The family is Palestinian, and the story begins with Isra living in Palestine and succumbing to an arranged marriage with a Palestinian American, Adam. Deya doesn’t not want to get married and leave her family thousands of miles behind.

I savoured A Woman Is No Man. It’s a book that I was reflecting on throughout. The writing is beautiful, but precise, and completely engaging, and it begs thoughtfulness. The writing was brilliant and descriptive. This book left me angry about how women were treated and how compliant they were about it. Women should not have to take a back seat to a men. Women must continue to fight for what they want and demand to be treated as equals to men. A Woman Is No Man revealed a glimpse into Arab culture, violence, honour, betrayal, love and friendship. It showed the way silence and shame could destroy not only a person but a whole family if left undisturbed and hidden for all intents and purposes. I highly recommend A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum and I can't wait for her next book.

Ian Brakspear

After Seeing This Book on a Friends Top books for the first half of 2024 I remembered that I had a copy of this one and decided that it was time to push myself to give it a go and I’m glad that I did as honestly this was such an eye-opening book in so many ways and I think that it’s an important read for everyone!

 

Told in two past timelines with different narrators, we mostly hear from eighteen-year-old Deya, and her mother, Isra. We also occasionally hear from Fareeda, Deya’s grandmother and Isra’s mother-in-law. The family is Palestinian, and the story begins with Isra living in Palestine and succumbing to an arranged marriage with a Palestinian American, Adam. Deya doesn’t not want to get married and leave her family thousands of miles behind.

 

I savoured A Woman Is No Man. It’s a book that I was reflecting on throughout. The writing is beautiful, but precise, and completely engaging, and it begs thoughtfulness. The writing was brilliant and descriptive. This book left me angry about how women were treated and how compliant they were about it. Women should not have to take a back seat to a men. Women must continue to fight for what they want and demand to be treated as equals to men. A Woman Is No Man revealed a glimpse into Arab culture, violence, honour, betrayal, love and friendship. It showed the way silence and shame could destroy not only a person but a whole family if left undisturbed and hidden for all intents and purposes. I highly recommend A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum and I can't wait for her next book.

Bria

sani

“where i come from, voicelessness is the condition of my gender, as normal as the bosoms on a woman’s chest, as necessary as the next generation growing inside her belly. where i come from, we’ve learned to conceal our condition. we’ve been taught to silence ourselves, that our silence will save us. it is only now, many years later, that i know this to be false. only now, as i write this story, do i feel my voice coming.”

i have no words to explain what a haunting beauty this book was. every word, every page was spun with the reality of the sufferings of women. this book made me so angry and at the same time, made me cry. there was no exaggeration. 

Etaf Rum broke me in the worst of ways. 

they ruined beautiful, naive Isra who loved reading and all she wanted was to find love. i was so touched that at least, her daughter didn't get the same fate as that of Isra and her mother.

The New York Times bestseller and Read with Jenna TODAY SHOW Book Club pick telling the story of three generations of Palestinian-American women struggling to express their individual desires within the confines of their Arab culture in the wake of shocking intimate violence in their community--now available as a limited Olive Edition from Harper Perennial.. A GOODREADS CHOICE AWARDS FINALIST FOR BEST FICTION AND BEST DEBUT - BOOKBROWE'S BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR - A MARIE CLAIRE BEST WOMEN'S FICTION OF THE YEAR - A REAL SIMPLE BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR - A POPSUGAR BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR ALL WRITTEN BY FEMALES A New York Times Book Review Editors' Choice - A Washington Post 10 Books to Read in March - A Newsweek Best Book of the Summer - A USA Today Best Book of the Week - A Washington Book Review Difficult-To-Put-Down Novel - A Refinery 29 Best Books of the Month - A Buzzfeed News 4 Books We Couldn't Put Down Last Month - A New Arab Best Books by Arab Authors - An Electric Lit 20 Best Debuts of the First Half of 2019 - A The Millions Most Anticipated Books of 2019 "Garnering justified comparisons to Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns... Etaf Rum's debut novel is a must-read about women mustering up the bravery to follow their inner voice." --Refinery 29 Where I come from, we've learned to silence ourselves. We've been taught that silence will save us. Where I come from, we keep these stories to ourselves. To tell them to the outside world is unheard of--dangerous, the ultimate shame." Palestine, 1990. Seventeen-year-old Isra prefers reading books to entertaining the suitors her father has chosen for her. Over the course of a week, the naïve and dreamy girl finds herself quickly betrothed and married, and is soon living in Brooklyn. There Isra struggles to adapt to the expectations of her oppressive mother-in-law Fareeda and strange new husband Adam, a pressure that intensifies as she begins to have children--four daughters instead of the sons Fareeda tells Isra she must bear. Brooklyn, 2008. Eighteen-year-old Deya, Isra's oldest daughter, must meet with potential husbands at her grandmother Fareeda's insistence, though her only desire is to go to college. Deya can't help but wonder if her options would have been different had her parents survived the car crash that killed them when Deya was only eight. But her grandmother is firm on the matter: the only way to secure a worthy future for Deya is through marriage to the right man. But fate has a will of its own, and soon Deya will find herself on an unexpected path that leads her to shocking truths about her family--knowledge that will force her to question everything she thought she knew about her parents, the past, and her own future.

Isabella 

i love this book so much. it was so beautifully written and heartbreaking to read. the story of so many girls that are burdened with societal expectations and/or culture. the silence women had to live in ): the fact that this is still happening at present because their culture is chained to them makes my heart hurt. the ending /3 definitely a recommend, and one of my fave!

Wow so many thoughts and feelings. What an incredible and heart wrenching story. 

It’s definitely a hard read, but it’s worth it.

Wow so many thoughts and feelings. What an incredible and heart wrenching story. 

It’s definitely a hard read, but it’s worth it.

I don’t have the words to fully describe what this book made me feel. Each of the narratives were so compelling for unique reasons. A heartbreaking and honest read. 

hileahrious

Meh. The message in this book is obviously very important and I’m sure would be inspiring for young girls in similar family situations, and the first half of the book is enticing buildup. HOWEVER, it is not that well written, it’s super repetitive, and ultimately a letdown story wise.

I admittedly went in with high expectations but it was disappointing & I can’t in good conscience recommend this (personally). There are other 2-3 star reviews that will say this all more eloquently than I can if you wanted to save your time reading this even though I feel the need to explain.

There is no nuance. It’s a story of constant women oppression and men as constant abusers. I do not mean to pit two Palestinian stories against each other and the content/storyline is different but I couldn’t help to compare to Minor Detail by Adania Shibli. There are similarities in that there is more than one timeline and it does include a story of women oppression and occupation of Palestine. But just the simple fact that a male coworker assists the main character of Minor Detail at one point is a perfect example of nuance and realistic lit fic storytelling.

I’ve seen reviews of saying this felt YA. And some reviews say that as a dig to the writing quality. I will always come back and defend that YA can and should have top quality writing/prose! What I can understand is the initial perspective of Isra does feel YA and I do feel like that could have been a tool to show a character’s growth or changing perspective as the story progressed but it never did. These characters are very stagnant as well as in their voices.

Another issue I had with this were the content warnings. Major CWs for abuse, assault, SA, and rape. The SA & rape in particular were written quite strangely and I would say gratuitously. In comparison to how the same topics are handled in Minor Detail I know it can actually be written well. These situations are real, these stories deserve to be told. I know it can be graphic but I still believe they can be written with care to the reader.

This book to me is a perfect example as to why we need many options for representation. My rating is not because I “couldn’t relate” to a BIPOC story as a white woman. I am still seeking out (and enjoying) Palestinian writers and stories. The writing and plot of this book was just not of quality for me. This is a 5 star concept, not delivery.

Abigail


I admittedly went in with high expectations but it was disappointing & I can’t in good conscience recommend this (personally). There are other 2-3 star reviews that will say this all more eloquently than I can if you wanted to save your time reading this even though I feel the need to explain.

There is no nuance. It’s a story of constant women oppression and men as constant abusers. I do not mean to pit two Palestinian stories against each other and the content/storyline is different but I couldn’t help to compare to Minor Detail by Adania Shibli. There are similarities in that there is more than one timeline and it does include a story of women oppression and occupation of Palestine. But just the simple fact that a male coworker assists the main character of Minor Detail at one point is a perfect example of nuance and realistic lit fic storytelling.

I’ve seen reviews of saying this felt YA. And some reviews say that as a dig to the writing quality. I will always come back and defend that YA can and should have top quality writing/prose! What I can understand is the initial perspective of Isra does feel YA and I do feel like that could have been a tool to show a character’s growth or changing perspective as the story progressed but it never did. These characters are very stagnant as well as in their voices.

Another issue I had with this were the content warnings. Major CWs for abuse, assault, SA, and rape. The SA & rape in particular were written quite strangely and I would say gratuitously. In comparison to how the same topics are handled in Minor Detail I know it can actually be written well. These situations are real, these stories deserve to be told. I know it can be graphic but I still believe they can be written with care to the reader.

This book to me is a perfect example as to why we need many options for representation. My rating is not because I “couldn’t relate” to a BIPOC story as a white woman. I am still seeking out (and enjoying) Palestinian writers and stories. The writing and plot of this book was just not of quality for me. This is a 5 star concept, not delivery.

Love love loved. It was a heavy read but I really felt immersed into the story.

Jean Alfonso

I'd buy a physical copy of this if I can save up.

I’ve genuinely cried so much while reading this as I can relate to their pain. I just wish culture wasn’t a thing people were so obsessed with especially with the expectations they hold for our women. It makes my heart ache knowing so much woman suffer because of marriage and the abuse they have to deal with; physical, emotional, mental. 

Overall I loved yet hated reading this heart wrenching story.

Adam Valentino

I'd kill to see this added to the syllabus for GCSE English Lit. A wonderful learning opportunity and a true test of the reader's morals. Which characters do you side with? Which decisions do you back? It seems straightforward but it really isn't. I don't like the misuse of the word "masterpiece" but this truly is one. Etaf Rum I tip my hat to you. Truly amazing. I really hope this gets picked up as one of the great literary documents of our time.

Pretty realistic (sadly)...I enjoyed the multiple pov's as they show how everyone is suffering at the hands of generational trauma, however, the author didn't choose to use this to justify the characters' actions, and I'm grateful for that. I also liked the plot and the mystery, bit by bit we got to discover what happened but like deya we never got to know the full truth, only bits and pieces here and there...

Cheri McElroy

I can’t adequately review this book except to say that it broke my heart and I think Etaf Rum’s debut novel is brilliant and brave.

Samaa alaa eldin

Well , this was a heavy book . It got so repetitive tho and honestly as accurate as it is , the representation of what arab women go through was disappointing and flat. Made me hate the Arabic community with its misogynistic cultures and traditions even more and like men even less so that's pro ig.

Shrouk Shafie

Beth Bartholomew

This book is both incredibly sad and also filled with hope. It’s a story spanning three generations, following a young woman in the 1990’s moving from Palestine to America, her mother in law, and also her daughter in the 2000’s. Seeing the journey of these three women and their struggles was a really both a beautiful journey to follow as well as a very sad one. We see in great detail the experiences these women go through and their struggle between living the life they are being told they must live, vs living the life they want to live. 

This book tackles many issues, focusing on themes such as mental health, societal expectations, misogyny and domestic abuse. It has a lot of heavy subject matters, but balances it out well so it doesn’t feel daunting or too much at any point. 

An incredibly powerful novel, moving and reflective. I’m glad to have read it. 

Satty

The subject matter is complex and very frequently horrifying, but the lackluster writing and repetitive scenarios in the book made this a subpar reading experience for me.

Skye Sherman

Ahh, what an incredible read!! Especially now that I delved a bit into the author’s background and realized that much of the book is based on her own life. How brave of her to speak up, find her voice, carve her own path, and publish this novel. At times some of the dialogue and situations felt over-simplified, but that’s my only complaint with the book. I learned a lot and truly find it hard to believe that these kinds of things really happen—still. But it was eye-opening and enriching and it reminded me of all the many freedoms I take for granted every day, from the love and mutual respect in my marriage to the ability to walk to the grocery store alone. Thank you, Etaf, for sharing your story! Your story will empower and uplift so many women.

Anna

An amazing thought provoking read that covered a wide range of intense topics. Could definitely read this book again and again and continue to find new ideas and themes to pick apart each and every time.

Cindy Lieberman

A devastatingly depressing book about the lives of Arab women and girls over 3 generations in Palestine and in the US. The hopelessness and oppression of women, the forced marriages, confinement etc. remind me of A Thousand Splendid Suns. The slow pace of change and the cultural norms that force girls to either rebel or succumb are heartbreaking. I don’t, however, recommend this for a book club. There’s not much to say other than “how awful,” over and over again. Now on to something lighter....

Anna Campbell

** spoiler alert **
           More of a 3.5 stars. It was an interesting look into the lives of Arab women, and the crushing truths of their realities. But I found the story too slow, and the reveal about Isra and Adam a little underwhelming.

Danna Sabolik

Great story! This one was hard to put down from the very beginning. Highly recommend.

A Woman is No Man

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