Blythe Roberson

From New Yorker and Onion writer and comedian Blythe Roberson, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a comedy-philosophy book aimed at interrogating what it means to date men within the trappings of modern society...

How to Date Men When You Hate Men

From New Yorker and Onion writer and comedian Blythe Roberson, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a comedy philosophy book aimed at interrogating what it means to date men within the trappings of modern society. Blythe Roberson’s sharp observational humor is met by her open-hearted willingness to revel in the ugliest warts and shimmering highs of choosing to live our lives amongst other humans. She collects her crushes like ill cared-for pets, skewers her own suspect decisions, and assures readers that any date you can mess up, she can top tenfold. And really, was that date even a date in the first place? With sections like Real Interviews With Men About Whether Or Not It Was A Date; Good Flirts That Work; Bad Flirts That Do Not Work; and Definitive Proof That Tom Hanks Is The Villain Of You’ve Got Mail, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a one stop shop for dating advice when you love men but don't like them. "With biting wit, Roberson explores the dynamics of heterosexual dating in the age of #MeToo" — The New York Times

Lima

This is the worst book about gender relationships I’ve ever read

insufferable millennial white woman who spends more time talking about harry styles and timothee chalamet than how to navigate the very real complications and dilemmas of dating as a woman in a world that hates us

ximena

Soha

No, she does not hate men. And no, I didn't think it was misleading (she explains the title in the Introduction). I need more time to articulate my thoughts on this one; more to follow.

******

That title is genius and man, do I feel seen. Blythe Roberson is a writer and a comedian so I went in expecting a funny exploration of what it means to date men (as a heterosexual female) in a world that still has trouble digesting feminism and letting go of patriarchy. And my expectations were mostly met. 

As the author states in the Introduction, this is not a how-to book. So then, what is it about? What makes it different than regular funny and comedic dating content? For one, it's personal...on an insane level. Blythe Roberson talks about her own experiences, combined with her own views about love and life. And to be very honest, it felt like a 200 pages long intense analysis session with my girlfriends. 

The thing I liked the most about this book is that it put into words streams of consciousness as if they were taken from my own mind, while still remaining in a stream-of-consciousness format. So, this might probably just be me quoting some things I REALLY want to include here (not all the things she covers in the book because I have highlighted too many things, okay?) and incoherently babble about it. You have been warned.

ABOUT CRUSHES

"Being obsessed with Kyle was my introduction to dealing with romantic/obsessive feelings without actual reciprocity or even the possibility of reciprocity getting in the way. It helped me figure out what was so attractive about him, specifically, and what would be attractive to me generally for the next seven hundred years of my life. He was a very real, live, breathing boy, but he was also a whiteboard on which I figured a bunch of stuff out."

SO FUCKING RELATABLE.

ABOUT FLIRTING

"So while I’m over here analyzing a guy’s blinks to prove he’s in love with me, men don’t even see that there is any data to be sorted through. To them, subtle emotions are like the cipher on the back of the Declaration of Independence, and they don’t even know they need to put lemon juice on it and stick it in the oven at Jon Voight’s house. Hell, they probably don’t even know they need to steal the Declaration of Independence in the first place!"

Yes. There's lighthearted not-taking-myself-too-seriously humor sprinkled throughout, with contextualizing the content as and when required. 

ABOUT DATING

One of the things she talks about is how, if she shows any negative feelings to a guy, he usually just ignores it until it, like, goes away. And although I have experienced otherwise (where a guy is sensitive to a subtle emotional meltdown), I have indeed noticed that it's not very common amongst men.

ABOUT PSYCHIC WOUNDS

"The thing about the idea that talking about love is frivolous is that it is applied only to women. When men do the same thing they are carefully observing the nuances of the human heart, and Pulitzers get thrown at them."

There are also many more gems like these in the parts about breakups and being single. 

ABOUT THE BOOK'S WRITING STYLE

The book vacillates between getting exhausting to read and being I relate so hard funny. 200 pages of her talking about her personal dating adventures contextualized with things that, as a woman, exhaust her, is no easy feat.

I don't think this book was pseudo-feminist in any way. I thought it was just a vulnerable and honest exploration of her adventures, what she feels about them and her trying to put them into words - hopefully helping some other woman out in the process. It wasn't funny throughout, true, but that didn't really bother me. Not all of what humans discuss (even and especially about such topics) always have some Great Importance or Substance to it and I don't mind that. 

In closing, I would like to say that it's better if this book is ingested in small chunks because I think it works better that way.

Funny, and relateable (iykyk), but it really feels stuck in time, almost like it got preserved in a jello made in 2018 — why are there references to Trump’s presidency every other page? Overall enjoyable, with some insights (if on the nose at times). 

amelia eqbal

Marisa clarke

I can honestly say I have never felt more seen by a book. It had me laughing out loud and nodding along in complete agreement the whole time. It’s fair to say this is not actually a “how to” but more of a clever commiseration of the dating world when living in a patriarchal system and all the ways we may bend to and rebel against it. It’s fun, witty, relatable, and just so smart! It’s a must-read for anyone out there trying to date, love, and just live life. 

Maggie

I didn’t expect to like this (which is more of a me problem) but really did!

Do you hate the patriarchy? Do you need to feel the venting session of a woman in a similar social standing telling you how bad dating is, coupled with her own viewpoints? Do you not actually need dating advice, but laughter is welcome? Do you want a 6 hour long audiobook or even quicker read?

This is the book for you!

I liked it. I did tend to disagree with her viewpoints on many things. I also, when switching from audio to reading the physical book, was not a huge fan of her lists. It was an odd formatting choice.

I can't say much more about it, to be frank. It's a fun romp with her experiences told as she interprets them. Some are kind of comically profound, other times I think she's not realizing that she proves the point she is trying to refute while she is explaining to us why she thinks it needs to be refuted. But I laughed enough to counter it.

The funniest thing, no one knows where to find this book in store. I thought with the feminist books, nope. Then philosophy, because it's in the blurb. I enlisted the aid of a sales clerk, who though dating. Turns out it's in the humor section. Who would have thought lol.

How to Date Men When You Hate Men

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