Name: How to Date Men When You Hate Men
Rating: 3.223214285714286 (28 reviews)
ISBN: 9781250193421

Blythe Roberson

From New Yorker and Onion writer and comedian Blythe Roberson, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a comedy-philosophy book aimed at interrogating what it means to date men within the trappings of modern society...

How to Date Men When You Hate Men

Ember Skies

I think I want Blythe to be my best friend as much as she wants Harry Styles to do anything near/to/about her. This book is hilarious, full of spot-on call-outs, hiiiiighly relatable (which she helps the reader see is a very good thing indeed), full of great quotes, information and cultural references, and truly an antidote to society’s never-ending double-binds that women are so often tied-the-fuck-up in at every turn when it comes to dating.

Trust me when I say you need to read this (and so does every man in your life); we all just might be better for it, at least by 2040-ish.

From New Yorker and Onion writer and comedian Blythe Roberson, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a comedy philosophy book aimed at interrogating what it means to date men within the trappings of modern society. Blythe Roberson’s sharp observational humor is met by her open-hearted willingness to revel in the ugliest warts and shimmering highs of choosing to live our lives amongst other humans. She collects her crushes like ill cared-for pets, skewers her own suspect decisions, and assures readers that any date you can mess up, she can top tenfold. And really, was that date even a date in the first place? With sections like Real Interviews With Men About Whether Or Not It Was A Date; Good Flirts That Work; Bad Flirts That Do Not Work; and Definitive Proof That Tom Hanks Is The Villain Of You’ve Got Mail, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a one stop shop for dating advice when you love men but don't like them. "With biting wit, Roberson explores the dynamics of heterosexual dating in the age of #MeToo" — The New York Times

Lima

This is the worst book about gender relationships I’ve ever read

insufferable millennial white woman who spends more time talking about harry styles and timothee chalamet than how to navigate the very real complications and dilemmas of dating as a woman in a world that hates us

ximena

Soha

No, she does not hate men. And no, I didn't think it was misleading (she explains the title in the Introduction). I need more time to articulate my thoughts on this one; more to follow.

******

That title is genius and man, do I feel seen. Blythe Roberson is a writer and a comedian so I went in expecting a funny exploration of what it means to date men (as a heterosexual female) in a world that still has trouble digesting feminism and letting go of patriarchy. And my expectations were mostly met. 

As the author states in the Introduction, this is not a how-to book. So then, what is it about? What makes it different than regular funny and comedic dating content? For one, it's personal...on an insane level. Blythe Roberson talks about her own experiences, combined with her own views about love and life. And to be very honest, it felt like a 200 pages long intense analysis session with my girlfriends. 

The thing I liked the most about this book is that it put into words streams of consciousness as if they were taken from my own mind, while still remaining in a stream-of-consciousness format. So, this might probably just be me quoting some things I REALLY want to include here (not all the things she covers in the book because I have highlighted too many things, okay?) and incoherently babble about it. You have been warned.

ABOUT CRUSHES

"Being obsessed with Kyle was my introduction to dealing with romantic/obsessive feelings without actual reciprocity or even the possibility of reciprocity getting in the way. It helped me figure out what was so attractive about him, specifically, and what would be attractive to me generally for the next seven hundred years of my life. He was a very real, live, breathing boy, but he was also a whiteboard on which I figured a bunch of stuff out."

SO FUCKING RELATABLE.

ABOUT FLIRTING

"So while I’m over here analyzing a guy’s blinks to prove he’s in love with me, men don’t even see that there is any data to be sorted through. To them, subtle emotions are like the cipher on the back of the Declaration of Independence, and they don’t even know they need to put lemon juice on it and stick it in the oven at Jon Voight’s house. Hell, they probably don’t even know they need to steal the Declaration of Independence in the first place!"

Yes. There's lighthearted not-taking-myself-too-seriously humor sprinkled throughout, with contextualizing the content as and when required. 

ABOUT DATING

One of the things she talks about is how, if she shows any negative feelings to a guy, he usually just ignores it until it, like, goes away. And although I have experienced otherwise (where a guy is sensitive to a subtle emotional meltdown), I have indeed noticed that it's not very common amongst men.

ABOUT PSYCHIC WOUNDS

"The thing about the idea that talking about love is frivolous is that it is applied only to women. When men do the same thing they are carefully observing the nuances of the human heart, and Pulitzers get thrown at them."

There are also many more gems like these in the parts about breakups and being single. 

ABOUT THE BOOK'S WRITING STYLE

The book vacillates between getting exhausting to read and being I relate so hard funny. 200 pages of her talking about her personal dating adventures contextualized with things that, as a woman, exhaust her, is no easy feat.

I don't think this book was pseudo-feminist in any way. I thought it was just a vulnerable and honest exploration of her adventures, what she feels about them and her trying to put them into words - hopefully helping some other woman out in the process. It wasn't funny throughout, true, but that didn't really bother me. Not all of what humans discuss (even and especially about such topics) always have some Great Importance or Substance to it and I don't mind that. 

In closing, I would like to say that it's better if this book is ingested in small chunks because I think it works better that way.

Funny, and relateable (iykyk), but it really feels stuck in time, almost like it got preserved in a jello made in 2018 — why are there references to Trump’s presidency every other page? Overall enjoyable, with some insights (if on the nose at times). 

amelia eqbal

Alexa M

woof. 

full transparency, i actually DNF'd this at 90% because the author started in on an unfounded and quite frankly, weird commentary about Taylor Swift in one of her -sprinkled in for effect- "feminist" anecdotes in her book... not about feminism at all. i knew what i was going to rate this book after the first chapter but i pretty much had the audiobook on as background noise and was going to finish it out but i don't find it worth it. after reading the page about Taylor I know the last 10% of this is going to be her last ditch attempt at providing what seems to be performative feminist insight. 

anywho, the title of this book is SO MISLEADING. this is not a book about hating men. at all. if this book was titled How Blythe Dates Men - great, i'm sure the reviews would be much better because only people interested in that would pick it up. but since i as well as many others picked this up because of the "When You Hate Men" part of the TITLE, i was disappointed. like this bitch does not even hate men. as a misandrist... you can't sit with us. LMFAO ok seriously anyways she clearly loves men because all she does is talk about them and hang out with them and then talk about hanging with them. which like good for her but don't say you "hate men" in your book's TITLE when clearly you do not. 

this is a classic dating book / memoir that is admittedly, sparsely rooted in feminism but so what? as women in 2021 our entire lives are rooted in feminism. in my opinion, Roberson had nothing new or interesting to say. "i want to kiss this boy but omg the patriarchy" *continues on to talk about kissing the boy* or "is it so bad i wanna talk about kissing boys? what else should i talk about, soil density?" (actual quote) like whatttttttt. to me it came off like she was trying to prove to the reader she was a feminist and like good for you babe i believe you i don't need an entire section about how Tom Hanks in a 1998 film is a misogynist... like duh? 

ANYWAYS, you might be like.. why does this have two stars and not 1? two reasons: the first, i can see people enjoying this book. IF (!) you came for a silly book about dating and nothing else. and second, i did laugh at a few jokes like it wasn't all bad. let's just say after reading this i can tell you me and Blythe would not get along if we met in person. i just really did not click with this and think the title needs to be changed ASAP and given to someone who could actually provide insight to people who genuinely hate - even FEAR- men. okay bye sorry to this woman lmao

Ivy X

This was entertaining because it felt like a friend rambling about her shitty love life, missed connections, and how the patriarchy sucks. I did enjoy her straightforwardness of disliking things such as Trump, Republicans, and so forth. I also enjoyed how she touched on things such as how celeb crushes can also help expand your understanding of yourself (and that self-development does not require a mutual affection for one another). I think it was just comforting to see this perspective on love, growth, and also to just prove that "fangirling" isn't necessarily a bad thing. I did enjoy some of her topics such as how women writing about their feelings and failed relationships (such as Taylor Swift) are often viewed with a sexist-based criticism that male writers/artists/etc would not face. However, I felt that most of the content in this book did not live up to the title. The beginning was promising but it ended up being nothing close to what I expected (see my list below). 

I found some of her rants to be a bit questionable and it seemed to feed the very thing (men having systemic power over her) she claimed to fight against. She was overly aware of how they talked to her, flirted with her, and so forth. It felt like she let her world be dominated by their perspectives in some ways without truly relishing in time for herself. For instance, she says she hates hearing how "love will find you when you least expect it." I get it-- it's frustrating when you struggle to find a true connection despite being single or busy and so forth. But Robertson does expect love no matter how busy she truly is. She expects it and tries to look for it in any hints a man might drop & when it doesn't feel the way she expects it, she feels extremely frustrated with sayings as such or having her time wasted. However, I feel like the issue is she doesn't go into anything without truly looking for these hints of "is he interested?" and "will he date me?" Sometimes going in just seeking friendship or some form of social gratification can allow you to be yourself and carefree--it makes the connection so much easier on friendship levels and on relationship levels. You get to be yourself, you're not disappointing yourself or forcing someone to be attracted to you, and you're also not "making friends" through having them kiss you and move on. She says she doesn't need any new male friends--but also mentions that a lot of her male friends come from failed dates. I think she needs to learn how to be friends with males (that vibe with her) and to focus on just being herself without any "seeking." 
Her dating stories sound like a mess, and I feel like a big part of it is tied to not knowing what she truly wants or what kind of person she wants to be to others. A lot of her stories involve enjoying the chase and getting tired when she reaches her goal (which is usually kissing/having sex), getting rejected, or not fully getting the male's hints (despite her saying that the male never understands her hints lol). She questions if she ever really "dated" any of these people, and I feel like a big part is how she has connected with them: "well he made out with me so therefore he was interested" or "well we boinked (an actual word she uses several times) so therefore he was interested."....Girl--hook up culture doesn't always rely on "interest." It's sexual attraction, and you're thinking too heavily into it! You don't hate men...you've lost yourself in your obsession to understand/like/please men. 

Here is a shortened list of what I expected vs what I got-
What I expected: 
- Insightful views of a male-dominated society that can even be seen in human courtship
- Humorous and satirical perspectives on those issues 
- Comedic takes on some things men do that are lowkey extremely frustrating/irritating 
- How to come to terms with compromisable things we hate about men/patriarchy & the ways in which she/we can communicate it to the other side to change bigger issues (such as oppression-like tactics within dating, dismissive over female views and opinions, etc) 

What I got: 
- A woman who is still struggling to understand what a relationship truly is & a woman who describes these relationships through a juvenile way. I see the vision with not truly knowing if she ever dated someone seriously and mentions them as "boys who are friends," "boys who I have kissed," and "boys who I have 'boinked.'" I do believe that this definitely speaks to some women, but it was hard for me to see eye-to-eye with her when I felt as though her understandings of flirting, dating, boundaries, etc seemed like what I would've thought of as a teenager.
- This isn't a woman who hates men. She talks about them a lot. She has her celebrity crushes, real-life obsessions, people she wants to make out with, people she wants to win over, and even a spreadsheet listing her progress and status with each potential suitor. What this title should've been called is: "How to date men when you got commitment issues." (Commitment issues aren't necessarily a bad thing and there is usually reason/psychology rooted behind it. But I feel as though the author evaded her potential commitment issues by overshadowing it with "feminist" hate against oppression and her long list of dating attempts and suitors.) 
- A lot of pop culture references which I got tired of pretty fast (but that's because I never really focused too heavily on celebrity crushes hahaha)

Marisa clarke

I can honestly say I have never felt more seen by a book. It had me laughing out loud and nodding along in complete agreement the whole time. It’s fair to say this is not actually a “how to” but more of a clever commiseration of the dating world when living in a patriarchal system and all the ways we may bend to and rebel against it. It’s fun, witty, relatable, and just so smart! It’s a must-read for anyone out there trying to date, love, and just live life. 

Caitlyn Baldwin

As a fellow Sagittarius, I felt very *seen* while reading this book. Roberson delivers a hilarious commentary on the experiences of dating faced as a millennial woman. Truly accessible and relatable, one of my favorite reads so far this year.

Maggie

I didn’t expect to like this (which is more of a me problem) but really did!

Do you hate the patriarchy? Do you need to feel the venting session of a woman in a similar social standing telling you how bad dating is, coupled with her own viewpoints? Do you not actually need dating advice, but laughter is welcome? Do you want a 6 hour long audiobook or even quicker read?

This is the book for you!

I liked it. I did tend to disagree with her viewpoints on many things. I also, when switching from audio to reading the physical book, was not a huge fan of her lists. It was an odd formatting choice.

I can't say much more about it, to be frank. It's a fun romp with her experiences told as she interprets them. Some are kind of comically profound, other times I think she's not realizing that she proves the point she is trying to refute while she is explaining to us why she thinks it needs to be refuted. But I laughed enough to counter it.

The funniest thing, no one knows where to find this book in store. I thought with the feminist books, nope. Then philosophy, because it's in the blurb. I enlisted the aid of a sales clerk, who though dating. Turns out it's in the humor section. Who would have thought lol.

How to Date Men When You Hate Men

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