Contemplative

How to Overcome Your Childhood

The School The School of Life — 2020

A guide to breaking free from the enduring, and sometimes damaging, behavioral patterns learned in childhood. When trying to deal with our current troubles and anxieties, it can be deeply irritating to be asked to consider our childhoods. They happened so long ago; we can probably barely remember, let alone relate to, the little person we once were. But one of the most powerful explanations for why we may, as adults, be struggling, is that we were denied the opportunity to fully be ourselves in our earliest years. Perhaps we were over-disciplined and cowed, not allowed to be willful or difficult--and so learned to tell white lies and people-please. Or perhaps our caregivers were preoccupied or fragile and so we had to assume the role of parent, burying our true needs and desires deep underground. When we thoroughly examine our upbringings, the larger implications for our adult selves are clear to see. Once we understand the roots from which our flaws stem, we can set about correcting the harmful behaviors we mistakenly believe to be innate. This book is a guide to better understanding our younger selves in order to shape who we wish to be in the future. It explores to what extent we can pin our actions in the present to our experiences in the past, and how we might then break free from the learned patterns of our childhoods.

Reviews

Sumayya Tsabitah@mayya

Apr 4, 2023

this is my first book of the school of life series and it left me a remarkable impression. i learned psychology at uni, this book reminds me of my old self who held back tears during the class, realising i was hurt growing up. this book opens my eyes again, more and wider, to learn about myself and old self. i found this book made me cry my eyes out during the process since the words in this book is so beautifully written. i recommend this to my friends who need to heal, also, i’ll keep this book until i become a parent someday. came to realise, this is a thought provoking book for those who want to break a cycle and be a better parent. PLEASE EVERYONE READ THIS

Raf@raffaele

May 14, 2022

I enjoy the association of different types of 'children' like the Golden Child. The "happy childhood" description is super stimulating. The last section of 'Moving Forward' on psychotherapy, is a bit trite.

Josefine@josefine

Short read but quite interesting. Nice to take a step back, identify behaviours and have a sort of intelligent empathy for yourself and others.

Isabelle Chen@bau

Jan 27, 2022

"Nevertheless, in the course of being loved, we got an encyclopaedic emotional education" An insightful, short read, particularly useful as we as adults attempt to grapple with the complexity of growing up and navigating relationships with others and ourselves. A true pillar in emotional maturity is our ability to think dialectically, to reflect on our upbringings by our parents and come to accept their shortfalls, one that stemmed not from a place of ill will, but often in lacking better knowledge or simply unprocessed emotions on their end. At times, the book did come off a bit like reading case studies and lists but nonetheless provides beneficial pointers into insightful self-reflection and introspection, as we journey to be seen and understood.

Marlee Stark@smstark

Jan 17, 2022

This book felt terribly generic and also oddly plagued by gender stereotypes (rage-y dad vs. mopey mom) and heteronormativity (childhood emotions impacting romantic relationships exclusively). Didn’t get much from this one unfortunately.