Ian Kerner

“Every man’s must-read. Tell your guy to put down the remote and pick up She Comes First.” —Cosmopolitan Ian Kerner offers a radical new philosophy for pleasuring women in She Comes First—an essential guidebook to oral sex from the author of Be Honest—You’re Not That Into Him Either. The New York Times praises Kerner’s “cool sense of humor and an obsessive desire to inform,” as he “encourages men through an act that many find mystifying.” An indispensable aid to a healthier, more fulfilling sex life for her and him, She Comes First offers techniques and philosophy that have already earned raves from the likes of bestselling author and Loveline co-host Dr. Drew Pinsky as well as Playgirl magazine, which cheers, “Hallelujah!”

The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

She Comes First

As women everywhere will attest, when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: "What do I do?" Ironically, the answer has always been right there on the tip of his tongue. Welcome to the world of She Comes First, where the mystery of female satisfaction is solved and the tongue is proven mightier than the sword. According to Ian Kerner, clinical sexologist and evangelist of the female orgasm, oral sex has long been deemed an optional aspect of foreplay, but, in fact, it's coreplay -- simply the best way for leading a woman through the entire process of sexual response. Fun, informative, and easy to read, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman and illustrated step-by-step instructions to ensure success. These simple methods represent a new era in sexual intimacy, one in which the exchange of pleasure occurs on a level playing field and fulfillment is mutual. She Comes First exuberantly offers a fresh new sexual philosophy that inspires every man to make a mantra of Rhett Butler's infamous line to Scarlett O'Hara, "You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."

Simone Felisati

Great read, haven't tested the practical advice I've found yet but it surely helps the reader getting into the mindset of fulfilling your partner's desires before your own, which is a pretty good approach at sex since males have longer refractory periods and females can cross the finish line multiple times in a row.

Mia Caven

Kehinde Adeleke

Some of the instructions were kinda hard for me to understand but it was a thoroughly enjoyable read.

Alex Ker

A very instructive guide that will probably lead readers to overthink in a good way--emblematic of how much valuable information and hand-holding the author provides. Pretty much a one-stop shop for solving the perennial first-world problem that has troubled humanity since the beginning of time. The first part of the book is verbose, drags on, and repeats itself hence the one star deducted. Some analogies in the book are more distracting than illuminating and seem somewhat forced, but I applaud the effort to emphasize applicable insights and tips. All in all, the book sets out to do what it promises and I got precisely what I came for.

Mundy Otto Reimer

TL;DR - This book is entirely about cunnilingus.

* Skip to ch. 9 to begin the actual content. The beginning part is all rhetorical virtue signaling fluff / bashing on guys and their ignorance throughout history. 

* Needs way more pictures! (the anatomy section only had 2 images, both almost stick figure-like sketches! The action parts were worse!) I think showing the layers of muscle and other tissue would've helped here, especially indicating where and when each is supposed to relax, contract, or engorge upon stimulation to X area via Y means with Z pressure/directions. I know "everyone is different", but there should be at least some mention of statistical trends if there are any (or if there aren't), variance, potential (sub-)cultural differences, what to do if your partner has certain cognitive hiccups or troubles with areas from past encounters, etc. Also, pictures of where the openings and ducts of each gland are would have been nice. 

* Also, it might just be because much of my recent time has been spent with academic papers, but this book reads like one long magazine article. Others might enjoy the pop trivia, but the constant use of secondary sources and quotes from other (often informal!) magazines & books as if they were scientific evidence really irked me. When reading this book you'll often find the stylistic template of "some say that...while others say that....while more say that...and in some sense all of this is true", and not giving us any evidence for anything or any reasoning to help weigh and compare these different theories! No biological mechanisms or even behavioral studies at all. Just mere suggestions and speculations! From my perspective, the information content reads only slightly above the level of locker room gossip. 

* I wish the author would've mentioned more from the area of microbiome research. I would suspect that the act of cunnilingus would change the micro floral & fauna ecology of both participants, having important noticeable downstream effects on later scent and taste, etc (as well as general well-being and health). The author mainly just says "Lots of factors can affect smell and taste…" but really the only actionable advice they give is to eat more yogurt and maybe drink wine lol (and even then I am skeptical of much flora survived and transferred from gut to down there). 

* Regardless of the above, I did learn a few things (and perhaps might be exposing my childlike naiveté at this point in time, but hey, I'm trying to honestly learn here!) Rather dumb, but for example, I did not know that at the peak of sexual arousal, the Clitoral Glans (the head) generally retreats underneath the hood (with the help of the suspensory ligament). It is unfortunate that the author provided different reasons for this in two different sections of the book. Also, the notes on the various alternative positions of bodies, legs, hands, fingers, lips, mouth, and tongue (and where to place pillows) helps a bunch as a fountain of ideas. Finally, for all of us readers, chapter 22 (pg. 45 for future reference 😉) provides a useful section on literary recommendations to incorporate during foreplay! 

Conclusion = 2/5 stars. You might instead want to take a look at Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski if you are more generally into the psychological aspect of sexual pleasure, and/or the excellent The Vagina Bible: The Vulva and the Vagina—Separating the Myth from the Medicine by Jennifer Gunter for the more science-bent dorks out there!

Emily Wood

Philip Rosenbaum

As women everywhere will attest, men are "ill-cliterate." Most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. But in the world of She Comes First, the mystery of female satisfaction is solved and the tongue is proven mightier than the sword. According to sex therapist (and evangelist of the female orgasm) Ian Kerner, oral sex isn't just foreplay, it's coreplay: simply the best way to lead a woman through the entire process of arousal time and time again. Can you say "viva la vulva"? Fun and informative, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman and ensuring that sexual fulfillment is mutual.

arzoe kaur 

D VA

Michael Springer

Ben Roberts

Angela Vang

John Elbing

Ro Va

Callie Anna

courtney garrison

Zane Shannon

Matthew Bischoff

Did you know that the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings, twice as many as the penis? Here is everything you've wondered about the female orgasm and how to make it happen. A witty, well-researched and revealing guide to giving your lover an orgasm every time. More than just foreplay, Ian Kerner argues that oral sex is the key to a great sex life for both partners. Short sections cover philosophy, technique, step-by-step instructions and detailed anatomical information, essential to both beginners and experienced lovers.'It's time to close the sex gap and create a level playing field in the exchange of pleasure, and cunnilingus is far more than just a means for achieving this noble end; it's the cornerstone of a new sexual paradigm, one that exuberantly extols a shared experience of pleasure, intimacy, respect and contentment. It's also one of the greatest gifts of love a man can bestow upon a woman.' Ian Kerner

She Comes First The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

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