My Dark Vanessa

The book was very well written but I would never recommend it to anyone.

The fmc was unlikeable but not in a way that allows you to hate her. As much as she denies it or refuses to see the truth, she was so deeply traumatized. The teachers (yes, plural) made me sick to my stomach.

The ending didn't give me the closure I was hoping for. It wouldn't have been fair otherwise, I suppose, since the women didn't get any closure either.

she just needed it to be a love story. because it was a whole life wasted. i am screaming crying and throwing up😭😭

I’ll be staring at the wall for the foreseeable future

4.5

This was a difficult read but it was worth it. The book being told through the victims pov made the book more interesting. I felt so much rage because she wasn’t doing “what I would’ve done” but I think that made the book better. I think we’re supposed to get angry and/or feel pity.

I really enjoyed 'My Dark Vanessa' despite feeling so much rage at the horror of what I was reading. I'm so glad Kate Elizabeth Russell decided to write from Vanessa's perspective rather than that of her teacher, despite being told that her voice would be unrelatable. It was just so well written, and really put into perspective the often insidious nature of grooming, and the means in which it has been allowed to take place.

My Dark Vanessa was an incredibly difficult but worthwhile read. The writing is so vivid that it made my skin crawl, hence I had to pace myself a lot when reading it. Nonetheless, I think it provides a well-needed perspective on surviving sexual assault and grooming, I think this book has a lot of uncomfortable truths in it. How we as a society have a certain understanding of what it means to be a victim and how victims should behave,  and when this expectations are not met we usually become suspicious. There is no such thing as a perfect victim and My Dark Vanessa makes this clear.
As well as that My Dark Vanessa highlight exactly how destructive grooming is, and how its effects last a lifetime, it also shows that no two victims are the same. Therefore I think this can be a beneficial book to read to understand and tackle these heavy themes. I will advise however is child sexual assault, grooming or victim blaming are triggering topic for you, it maybe better for you to steer clear, as everything in the book is described in excruciating detail

3.5

i have never felt this much visceral anger towards a book (but in a good way because it seems like that’s the author’s goal)

totally engaging. couldn’t put it down. masterclass in conflict and characters.

wow i'm surprised by how much i enjoyed this (though "enjoyed" is kind of a strange way to describe reading this book). the writing was impeccable, vanessa was such a complex character, and it deftly deals with touchy subjects.

Well Written This book is written very well, but the subject matter is so dark and heavy it’s hard to read at some points.

i have been rendered speechless

| This is disturbingly perfect. (the last quote is kinda spoilery so I added the tag but the others are okay)

"If I think about how many days lie before me, I end up obsessing over things I k0w I shouldn’t. Like, maybe being dead isn’t the worst thing. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad."

"If I think about how many days lie before me, I end up obsessing over things I k0w I shouldn’t. Like, maybe being dead isn’t the worst thing. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad."

"It looms over you, that threat of violence."

"One of my best students. It’s a strange compliment coming from a man who once turned a student into a wife."

4.5

this was written so beautifully but it was so so so hard to read, yet so important. (this deserves 5 stars but i would never want to experience it again)

Liked this enough, was a bit miffed by detailed descriptions of sex while she was underage… but it’s very real. I was concerned if this was to romanticize the “Lolita” dynamic just as poorly as that story did, but I was pleasantly surprised. Also a very good portrayal of the imperfect victim. Being a victim doesn’t mean you’re forced to speak out, to fix the wrongs with your experience and to serve justice.

no rating…but..this was definitely a book!

It's been a while since I finished reading this book and I'm still wrapping my head around it. My Dark Vanessa is an extraordinary and beautifully written debut by kate Elizabeth Russell. The character of Vanessa is very relatable as the story of Vanessa wye can be any teenage girls story, who like Vanessa may have strongly believed its was true love and as a adult is still failing to acknowledge that she was once a victim of sexual abuse. I loved the way the author touches on the subject of sexual abuse and how a sexual assault as a teenager can change ones whole life forever. The way the book alternate between past and present of Vanessa life makes it more interesting to read. The explicit sexual scenes can be a bit discomforting at times though. The book also a draws in a lot of context from the book LOLITA but only told this time from the victims prospective. My Dark Vanessa was not a easy read but a one I'm glad I read. I highly recommend reading this book. But be cautious, as this book triggers content warning of sexual abuse and sexual intimate scenes.

well. as blunt and possibly even rude it is to say, vanessa is unbearable, HOWEVER she is genuinely a good character study of how grooming truly affects kidss/teenagers and shapes them into the person the groomer wants them to be. of course i sympathize with her and understand why she thinks the way he does and goes out on such a limb to believe she needed to protect strane and blame herself for everything. it's understandable that she is unbearable and couldnt even stomach the thought of herself being a victim, given how strane spoke and acted with her. my god, taylor truly said it best about the way he speaks to the girls and making himself a victim and as if they're the ones in charge. anyway the book was honestly well written, intense and incredibly interesting.

“My Dark Vanessa” is something really close to my heart. It’s a well-written novel that captures the complexities of adolescence, abusive relationships, grooming, and trauma. Russell adeptly weaves together the multiple layers of the narrative, avoiding any preachiness or didacticism. She does an amazing job of showing Vanessa’s struggles, doubts, and self-blame. I really admire Russel’s precise and deliberate prose, which, in some parts, creates a sense of claustrophobia and entrapment. It made my skin crawl to bear witness to the years of abuse that Vanessa went through. It's an incredibly uncomfortable yet compelling read and one that definitely leaves you with an intense need for catharsis right after.