My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness

yo y las lesbianas traumadas con mommy issues cuando:

it's like a number between a 3.5 and a 4. . . not bad. it was good just not Fantastic

** spoiler alert ** Bookish impressions, here we go! I picked up this manga/graphic novel because of - first and foremost - the title. Currently, I'm questioning my sexuality, all the while dealing with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Isn't this manga the perfect one for me? And after reading, I can say, for real, that it is the manga I much needed to read. Everything about the author's experiences touch my heart, as though she is my mirror. Her experiences are very much the same to mine, except that I haven't booked an appointment in a lesbian escort agency because we don't have that kind of escort service in my country (unfortunately) and I am not really good with drawing. But I write, and I think it's an art closest to the author's. For the entire duration of my reading experience with this manga, all I felt is warmth and understanding. Funnily enough, the author wants to write something that shakes people up, as what she intends the manga to be, but I am all but shaken up. There are times I tear up because it's, like, the manga is speaking to me. The parts on how the author dealt with her depression and anxiety, her survival out of it by loving herself and listening to what she wants, hit so close to home. I have always loved reading anything that contains talks about depression and anxiety because I want to feel that I am not alone. Indeed, while reading this manga, I felt that way - that I am not alone, that there is someone out there who is struggling and learning as much as I am and, in fact, they are able to overcome it. This manga made me hopeful about my own situation, and I thought that even if it's hard now, I know someday I'll be able to realize things and get to be there for myself. As for the author's exploration of sexuality, I think what I have read is something I would definitely need in the future. So far, I have been stuck as a questioning and closeted member of the LGBTQIA+ community, and it has been a really rough patch for me - on top of dealing with mental illnesses. Naturally, the author's inputs in exploring her sexuality made me reexamine my own experiences as well. I had read parts where I was able to say, "Hey, I felt this way, too!", and I think that kind of sentiment might be of help to me in this journey of identity crisis - both on sexuality and gender. I hope that, like the author, I will be able to look inward and see myself for myself, instead of how other people see me. Additionally, it is worth remarking how Japanese authors are very clever in storytelling. From all the books or mangas I have read from Japanese authors, only these people can capture melancholy in a refreshing and cheerful way possible, which, surprisingly, still resonates with you. The color palette used by the author gave off that feminism, gentleness in dealing with oneself, and the melancholy of regret and grief while being hopeful about confronting things that are scary. The atmosphere of the author's storytelling veers on 'self-deprecating humor', I might say, but not in a bad or depressing way, and I think it is one of the things I love about this manga. Honestly, this is worth the read, especially if you are an adult or young adult who is struggling. This manga is, like, a placid lake upon which you can see yourself reflected, but it begs on you to dive in, plunge into the lake, and explore it in its depths. Once you swim back up to the surface, you can take with you what you have seen and learned, only to be surprised that the very scenery you have seen inside is also the same scenery inside yourself.

the beginning of it is relatable on so many levels

read in one sitting. I liked it

God I want figure out what that nectar is for me so badly

i feel so seen

Ah…never felt more seen than right now…I suppose I read this at the right time where my own thoughts began to swarm back into depression

top 10 situations i can see myself being subjected to in the close future

This is an absolutely amazing read. The author is able to put to words things I never knew could be put to words. The auto-biographical (or semi) ride through this book was a mix of sadness, hilarity and more than anything empathy. I teared up, in places and managed to laugh out loud in others, I was able to relate extremely well with the difficulties of having to grow up, and the difficulties of parental expectations. In fact, I think this has given me a lot to think about myself and the way one treats the self. As for the art style, it is cute and airy, going for a more lighthearted look, so as not to alarm anyone I suppose. The tones of pink was very relaxing and was able to soften the edges of some parts. I absolutely loved the design choices. I hope the author, has made greater progress in her journey of self-discovery, and I wish her good luck!

I find it really hard to read manga so it was difficult (for me) to follow but i will not discredit that! It was adorable and vulnerable.

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Kabi Nagata (Seven Seas Press, 2017) is not what you think it is. This book pulls every heartstring with some of the most brutal shocking honesty I've come across. Originally serialized online, it is an autobiographical graphic novel of the authors on-going battle with crippling anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder. Unemployed and unable to maintain any meaningful relationships, the diary-like book takes you through the physical and psychological toll on her mental health. Almost 30, Kabi has never had any intimate physical contact. The vignettes into her life discuss her physical ailments, social awkwardness, and relationship with her parents. The main event of the book looks at her plan to lose her virginity at a Japanese love hotel, a semi-legal type of brothel. Kabi decides that having sex, based on her built-up expectations from the media, will help make her more complete. And the fact that it doesn't, that she doesn't have that eureka moment that is often in coming-of-age stories, makes it all that more strikingly singular. Kabi is able to realise that life is about the journey, and our work on ourselves is never-ending from the successes, failures, and even backsliding.

3.75 stars | I had a hard time getting into it, but once I did I really enjoyed it :)

This was a really interesting story to read. While part of the book is about the author's experience of realizing she's a lesbian at the age of 28, the book also gives an honest and often uncomfortable, painful look into Nagata's struggles with anxiety, depression, self-harm, and eating disorders. I especially liked the ending of the book, when Nagata describes her first sexual experience after hiring a sex worker. While the encounter doesn't go exactly how Nagata wants, the sex worker is kind, helpful, gentle, and compassionate to her the whole time. It was a refreshing depiction of sex work that I've seldom seen in literature!

It's not often I find an autobiography where depression and anxiety aren't framed in a short term, "then I got over it" way. The naked honesty of Kabi Nagata's thoughts and experiences are really refreshing (and more than one time made me tear up with recognition) -- it's a story of bravery and healing as well, but it's so encouraging to to read her aknowledgements that no, even when you try to change your life around there are obstacles, and the struggles might always be there. But that doesn't mean it's useless to try. A cute straightforward art style, and a matter-of-factly attitiude to being lesbian also makes this a great read.

It's really hard to rate an autobiography that contains confused sexual feelings, major depression, and loneliness. I felt like I was reading a personal diary, and the drawings made it feel even more personable. Even though it may be triggering, this is something that anyone from the LGBT+ community should read.

this was one of the most honest piece of literature i have ever read , there were times where i had to put the book down and focus on other stuff bc of how relatable and painful it was to me .

It's not often that one finds a book about a woman being a total mess. Nagata struggles with mental illness, and this is a story that grew out of a shorter comic about her hiring an escort in an attempt to deal with her loneliness and social ineptitude. Spoilers: Turns out that wasn't a magic fix. Nagata is still a disaster. The book is less about her sexuality and more about her trying to figure out what she wants from life and why she's so terrible at getting there. I've certainly heard these narratives from men, and usually they have a "happy" ending. Nagata's is much more realistic and ends with her still working on herself.

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness es un historia intensamente personal y cruda. Ya desde el principio se tratan temas como la depresión, las autolesiones, los problemas alimenticios y los pensamientos suicidas. La protagonista está hundida en un pozo del que no puede salir, intentando encontrar un lugar a donde pertenecer y sentir que sus padres y demás están orgullosos de ella. No obstante, por más que se esfuerza, más termina fallando. Se ve incapaz de levantarse por las mañanas, de socializar con otras personas o incluso de ducharse y cuidar de sí misma. Quien haya tenido depresión sabe lo que es eso, y lo difícil que se ve alcanzar cualquier meta. Ni siquiera te gusta ya nada, has perdido el interés por las cosas y actividades que antes disfrutabas ya no te hacen sentir bien. A pesar de todo esto, este manga no es triste. No diría que la historia está contada con humor, porque no es eso, pero tampoco quiere hacerte llorar. Simplemente te presenta los hechos tal cual son, tal cual los vivió. Hay algunas escenas que son oro, tan naturales y bien presentadas, sin romantizar ningún aspecto. El estilo también es muy fluido y algo que me ha gustado especialmente son las expresiones faciales y las posturas, a veces algo exageradas, pero al mismo tiempo haciéndolas mucho más reales. Algo que también me ha gustado es el final: hay esperanza, se puede salir, poco a poco confiando en ti misma y haciendo lo que verdaderamente te gusta, sin importarte lo que los demás opinen.

** spoiler alert ** “But it's easy to understand the pain when it's my body that's being hurt. It calms me down. I don't really understand the pain in my heart. It doesn't have any real form.” TW eating disorders, mental illness, self harm, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks This book hurt. In the best way possible but it still hurt. Every single page I read I found myself relating more and more to the point where it was genuinely too much. It made me realise so many things about myself that I hadn’t before. So many behaviours that were unhealthy and the reasoning behind so many of the things that I do. I came into this fully expecting just to relate to the writer fully from a sexuality standpoint alone. To coming out of this relating to them on basically every aspect. The need for parental validation, to the binge eating, to the restrictive eating, to the self harm, to the feeling of hopelessness. I related to every single aspect of this book.

A super vulnerable and emotional read. I found myself comparing my experiences and emotions to the author's and although we have different experiences this book felt so personal to me as well. It was very relatable and I couldn't help the tears. Even now, I think i'm downplaying how much this book has mirrored my own experience. The art added greatly to the story as well !!!

this was a hard book to read. in the beginning, at least. not because it was bad, but because i saw so much of myself in the main character that i had to keep pausing to take a few moments for myself. despite the subject matter though, the tone was never really dark, and everything was well-balanced between the illustration and the writing.

This was an absolutely fantastic manga; I adored every second of it. I have never read something so relatable before. Plus the art is fantastic!

This triggered so many things from so many moments of my life it’s just ridiculous. Thank god there are people who feel the need to write about themselves so we can read in good prose the shit that we feel.