Option B Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy

Sheryl Sandberg, Adam Grant — 2017

In 2015 Sheryl Sandberg’s husband, Dave Goldberg, died suddenly at the age of forty-eight. Sandberg and her two young children were devastated, and she was certain that their lives would never have real joy or meaning again. Just weeks later, Sandberg was talking with a friend about the first father-child activity without a father. They came up with a plan for someone to fill in. “But I want Dave,” she cried. Her friend put his arm around her and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of Option B.” Everyone experiences some form of Option B. We all deal with loss: jobs lost, loves lost, lives lost. The question is not whether these things will happen but how we face them when they do. Thoughtful, honest, revealing and warm, OPTION B weaves Sandberg’s experiences coping with adversity with new findings from Adam Grant and other social scientists. The book features stories of people who recovered from personal and professional hardship, including illness, injury, divorce, job loss, sexual assault and imprisonment. These people did more than recover—many of them became stronger. OPTION B offers compelling insights for dealing with hardships in our own lives and helping others in crisis. It turns out that post-traumatic growth is common—even after the most devastating experiences many people don’t just bounce back but actually bounce forward. And pre-traumatic growth is also possible: people can build resilience even if they have not experienced tragedy. Sandberg and Grant explore how we can raise strong children, create resilient communities and workplaces, and find meaning, love and joy in our lives. “Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways,” Sandberg writes. “I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss. But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface and breathe again.”

Reviews

Pierre@pst

Apr 4, 2024

Couple reasons for the rating: - the voice actor Sheryl Sandberg gives in to tremolos and you can almost hear sobs in her voice. It’s distracting at best but it feels very tear-jerky - some of the lucky happy family recipes that are shared seem light years disconnected from the shit situation most people would toil and suffer through. I couldn’t finish it

Claire Knight@krider2010

May 23, 2022

This book is excellent. I had doubts, as part of me wondered how much this was related to Lean In, or if this was cashing in. I need not have worried. It encourages resilience, openness, honesty, and empathy. It covers grief, trauma, and healing. It offers hope for those who might need it. It allows those who don't don't what to say or do some insight into where they can help. It resonated strongly with me over how one feels after sudden trauma (not just death), and how people then interact with you. I urge everyone to read this to be braver about dealing with, and speaking of, death. Something we are very bad at in the western world. I also encourage people to read this if they want to improve their empathetic interactions with people who have lost loved ones, been diagnosed with serious illness, had major accidents, etc. I also think this should be required reading for managers, given the support people need (or more likely should be given) in the workplace. And how those you do support repay their reduced hours or apparent loss of productivity though stepping up because you help them to do so. Or, as in my case, leave a role where there clearly was no understanding and long term support. I've rarely (in my adult life when time has become more pressed) finished a book as quickly while not on vacation. The audible narration is also good.

Stevie Blundell@shibaunited

Dec 24, 2021

I wanted to enjoy this, after going through my divorce and falling into a deep depression I was looking for something to make me feel connected to others again. This was not it. I could not relate to anything about her life. You know when it's easy to be resilient? When you have a strong network of friends, family, coworkers, a very high paying job with executive level respect and job security, and a life of comfort and wealth. Im sorry she lost her husband who loved her so much. I'm really not trying to be insensitive. But reading about her privileges made me angry. I lost everything in order to leave my abusive marriage. I'm repairing familial bonds that were broken because he didn't like my family. I've dropped dozens of "friends" I couldnt trust to respect my privacy, still have a handful that I know report back to him about me. When I first left I could barely afford rent and food by switching up which bills to not pay each month by working a job I hate that tried to fire me for "having a bad attitude". Most of us dont have Sheryl's life and never will. This isn't self help, it's just bragging about your life while making money off a trauma. I'm frankly annoyed I paid her money for this book, for me to DNF this.

Jeni Enjaian@jenienjaian

Oct 30, 2021

A large amount of time has passed since I read this book but one fact remains with me. I absolutely did not like it. Sandberg dealt with real, traumatic grief. However, she skims over events and jumps willy nilly in the timeline to suit her "narrative" purposes. I do not recommend this book.