Stormbringer

In which the Moody as Fish Albino Emperor of the Grumpy Soul-Eating Sword (MaFAEofGSEW™) goes on a super extra adventurous field trip to Lovecraft Country (aka the dreamland), and meets quite the wonderful array of most delightful characters and thingies in the process. (But not my Jojo Cabal, unfortunately.) So how exactly did dear Elric come to visit this most welcoming, fun-filled place, you ask? Why by getting beautifully tricked (like a bloody shrimping amateur, if I might add) by a deliciously evil villainous villain! Who kind of sort of turned our MaFAEofGSEW™ into a high as shrimp junkie, and then had him spoiler spoiler spoiler for Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler (not the character’s real name), so that he would have to spoiler spoiler spoiler. Which would eventually lead him to spoiler spoiler spoiler. I kid you not. And here we are. (Meaning “Poof! Dreamland!” and stuff. In case you’d already forgotten and stuff.) Okay, so I must unwillingly admit that, despite its most titillating setting, the book isn’t as fast paced as the previous one in the series. (Which is slightly outrageous.) And that it sometimes drags on a teensy little bit as a result. (Although not enough to turn me into a lethargically apathetic barnacle, so all’s good and stuff.) Also, no scrumptious pirates to be had this time around. And that is quite the rip-off, if you ask me. BUT. There is Oh-So-Wondrous-Stuff Galore (OSWSG™) in this instalment, which more than makes up for the slowish pace and revolting lack of “Arrh!” First of all, there is a very much welcome shortage of Sweet Cymoril, so alleluia to our Lord Shrimp for that. Not that I have nothing against Elric’s pathetically boring lovely paramour. Of course not. She’s an enchanting girl and all that. Really. It’s just that I wouldn’t particularly mind if she dropped deadly dead or something. Oh noes, did Bertie Dear just slip on you, Sweet Cymoril? I am so verry sorry about that. I hope it didn’t hurt too much! Second of all, there’s a most lusciously enticing Conan vibe here. (And it is a truth universally acknowledged that any story reminiscent of my Barbarian Cutie Pie’s adventures is automatically super very cool.) The local petting zoo would make Conan so proud! Such sweet, affectionate creatures it is packed with! We’ve got sexey as fish mummified goats (don’t ask), gigantic half-digested worms (yum), armoured rabbit warriors, triple-headed-winged-clawed giant crows with a bad temper, blood-sucking bats cats that fly and more spoiler spoiler spoiler! And if that wasn’t glorious enough, we’ve got Elric Himself And In The Flesh channelling his inner Cimmerian and skewering the enemy à la Conan, with locally-sourced utensils and stuff. (No barbarian beef bones being available during Elric’s relaxing stay in the dreamland, the poor thing had to resort to using not-so-stylish, measly stalactites. Quite a pity, methinks.) Now throw in hideous chuckles, severed heads, hacked limbs, and glorious slaughter, and what do you get? A scrumptiously exquisite Conan-flavored adventure that is guaranteed to have even the most barbaric barbarian celebrating like a wee little moustachioed hooligan. Told ya. ➽ Nefarious Last Words (NLW™): a dreamland with not a single Freddy Krueger in sight?! This is totally unacceptable. Mr Moorcock, I want my money back. P.S. Pre-emptive burials and tour guides with Mary Poppins-like storage abilities FTW! P.S. You are quite welcome and stuff. 👋 To be continued and stuff. · Book 1: Elric of Melniboné ★★★★★ · Book 2: The Fortress of the Pearl ★★★★★ · Book 3: The Sailor on the Seas of Fate ★★★★★ · Book 4: The Weird of the White Wolf ★★★ · Book 5: The Vanishing Tower (aka “The Sleeping Sorceress”) - to be read. · Book 6: The Revenge of the Black Rose - to be read. · Book 7: The Bane of the Black Sword - to be read. · Book 8: Stormbringer - to be read. · Book 9: Elric at the End of Time - to be read. · Book 10: Daughter of Dreams - to be read. · Book 11: Destiny’s Brother - to be read. · Book 12: Son of the Wolf - to be read. (Following the Tor reading order) [Pre-reread-non-review nonsense] Elric + Lovecraft + my Barbarian Paramour = Full review to come and stuff. (Yeah yeah yeah, I know I already said that 8 months ago, but I really do actually genuinely intend to most certainly write it this time. Maybe. Cross my black, withered heart and hope to die a horribly excruciating death and stuff.) [May 2019] Beautifully fished-up, sardonic albino emperors and wonderfully grumpy, soul-eating cats cursed swords FTW! See, even Little Han of the Solo approves. Ha. ➽ Fully crappy review to come. At some point in my next life. Or the one after that. Maybe.