Beauty and the Beefcake

I could not handle either of the main characters - they were just flat out weird and not weird-cute or weird-funny but just plain weird. The hero communicates mainly in grunts, but will go for something monosyllabic if he's feeling chatty. Seriously, wut? His interior monologue wasn't that much better. If someone moved into my house and grunted at me or answered normal questions like "How are you today?" with something like "Cashew", I would a) lose my mind b) consider calling some sort of social services and c) no way magically fall in love. But then I'm not the heroine, who is also super weird. She's a ventriloquist, which is fine (hey I love me some Jeff Dunham comedy) but then she just randomly starts talking in her "dummy's" voices in the middle of a conversation - or worse, she'll have an entire conversation with herself, doing different characters (w/o the puppets). Now maybe if she had something other than an irritating cat and grumpy hippo for puppets, this might be entertaining, but as it was, it was like watching some awful children's show being live-acted without puppets. For the life of me, I can't understand how anyone would want to be in a relationship with either of these people. And the fact that the heroine has had more than one stalker in her romantic past - red flag anyone? This was a DNF for me.