Six Goodbyes We Never Said

I received ad ARC in exchange for an honest review. DNF at page 135. I really wanted to love this, and I was for the most part but ○ Mention of Naima being a big girl at page 91 ○ Mention of Naima being biracial at 127 ○ Mention of Naima being nonbinary while having a go at their grandfather for calling the dog a male at page 113 Give me books with diversity plz. However, the representation being done so far into a book makes it feel forced, like it was thrown in and like it was done to gain diversity points. (view spoiler)[Also, page 73 where Nell finds out about Naima's suicide attempt the previous summer and NO ONE tells her? Okay I get it, Naima doesn't like their stepmother, but to keep such a big thing from her?! (hide spoiler)] Also, page 100 where we find out that Stella has been told by Dew's therapist what he's been saying in these sessions because "you're a minor; not only can she tell me what's going on, I can sit in on the sessions if I choose." Pretty sure that's not how therapy works. While I did love how accepting Naima's grandfather was of them being nonbinary, despite the weird timing, and how their OCD was portrayed it wasn't enough for me to want to continue reading. Also I apparently really love the word also.

Thank you so much to St. Martins Press and NetGalley for providing me with a free copy of this book for my review. DNFed at 8%, which I’m pretty sure I’ve never done before. I went into this book excited to read it, the cover is gorgeous and I loved that it had to do with mental illnesses. But holy moly y’all, I’m so lost. The writing is so hard to read that I’m finding myself reading as slow as a sloth and I’m still not getting it. There’s characters being thrown out that I have no idea who they are because they haven’t been introduced but I’m thinking I missed something so I go back to look for them, and they’re not there. The representation of mental illnesses bugged me, the character’s therapists bugged me, literally everything I’ve read so far is bugging me. With their being two main characters in this book that are both told in first person you would think there would be a distinct way the author would let you know who’s talking, nope. I’m reading along about a girl talking about her periods then all of a sudden it says “spoiled boy”. That threw me for a huge loop until I realized it was now being told from the other main character, without really letting you know. I honestly really wanted to like this book but it’s giving me a headache trying to read the writing and keep track of what character is currently talking.

Disclaimer: I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own. Thank you to Netgalley and Wednesday Books for this free copy. All quotes in this review are taken from the Advanced Reader Copy and may change in final publication. Social Anxiety, OCD, Depression, GAD, PTSD, Death, Grief, Loss, Thoughts of Suicide Latinx, Depression, OCD, Bi/Pan Knowing that there were very personal pieces of the author included in this book – by means of the characters that we read about – I feel like this book was even more heartbreaking to read than usual. I say this because being someone that is not only Latinx, but also suffers from depression and anxiety, it’s like a mirror that reflects part of what I go through, even if it’s not exactly the same, and wondering if there are people out there that can understand me the way that these characters want to be understood. It’s an interesting and emotional feeling, and I feel like that’s one of the first things you should do before you read this: get in the right emotional head space. Some people can read things that reflect their own lives and be okay, compartmentalizing the book and real life and things are fine. Others, like me, start to feel more for these characters and start to see themselves in the book somehow. It’s a weird feeling, and I don’t know what that says about me as a person, but I know I had to stop a few times while reading this to compose myself and remember I wasn’t reading about me in an alternate reality. That’s the thing about absence – it sinks into your skin, clinging to the bone until it’s so much a part of you, you can no longer tell where it ends and you begin. You are the FLOAT phase. ~ Naima *FLOAT phase: Fallen Loved Ones Awaiting Transfer Having family members die during their service in the military, I understood this feeling so well. It’s one of the things that I fear every time my husband was deployed, and I wouldn’t hear from him for months at a time. I tried not to think about it – I didn’t want to jinx anything after all – but in the back of my mind, I always wondered if that was the last time I saw him. If that was the last time I’d ever talk to him. Thank goodness, he’s still here, he’s still alive, and he’s okay for the most part. Not everyone gets so lucky. Naima Rodriguez wasn’t lucky. She wasn’t expecting her father to leave her a voicemail talking about a surprise he had for her when he got back, only to get the news that he wasn’t coming back alive. Sometimes you don’t think about that until it’s right in front of your face. Then there’s a situation which I could never imagine being in: losing both of my parents at the same time and effectively being alone in the world. This is what happens with Dew, who now has to learn how to be a part of a different family, because the one he knew is gone forever. Both of these characters are experiencing extreme loss and grief. This story tells us how they learn to deal with that grief on top of everything else they have going on in their lives. It’s not easy. It’s not a picturesque story line where things line up the way they need to in order to come to a clean conclusion. Life just isn’t like that. But the journey that they do go on feels real enough, that I couldn’t do anything but support them and root for them to get through their hurt, and learn to live with it. I wanted to put here that I really appreciate Ganger’s beginning note. Not only does she include the content warnings from the get go, but she also explains how she shares many of the characteristics of Dew and Naima, most notably their mental illnesses. Seeing an author be so open and truthful about what they are experiencing, writing about it in such a public forum to allow others to digest and understand them from this point of view, and to be so vulnerable to society like this extremely brave, and I think this made me appreciate these words much more. Thank you for reading, and may Six Goodbyes serve as permission to speak your truths – the good and the painful. ~ Candace Ganger’s Author’s Note

Thank you to Wednesday Books for providing me with a copy of Six Goodbyes We Never Said by Candace Ganger & inviting me to join this blog tour! Confession? I barely wrote any notes on Six Goodbyes We Never Said, because I was too engrossed by the beautiful writing of Candace Ganger. #couldn’tbebothered. With each word, sentence, paragraph, chapter — it’s clear just how much emotion Ganger put into her work. Six Goodbyes We Never Said is a perfect #ownvoices read for those well-acquainted with OCD, GAD, Depression & Social Anxiety. Ganger knows what she’s talking about when it comes to mental health, which is definitely helpful when it comes to relating to the characters. Six Goodbyes We Never Said centers around two characters — Naima & Dew; both dealing with grief & their own mental health. Personality-wise, Naima and Dew are complete opposites. However, as they’re both dealing with similar situations — they are exactly what the other needs. It takes time for these two to come together, but it’s the relationship build-up that makes this story a fantastic & emotionally-packed read. Besides the two main characters, there are others that add to this read. Dew’s sister, Faith, is absolutely obsessed with the WWE & Rick Flair & runs around the house screaming woooo. Relatable. Violet, a coworker of Dew, is eccentric & into auras, palm reading & all that fun stuff. Naima’s family is extremely supportive & are the kind of relatives I would love to have. It was wonderful seeing the relationships build throughout Six Goodbyes We Never Said. Naima & Nell’s (stepmom) strained relationship doesn’t necessarily reach a high point, but there’s a definite growth between beginning & end. Dew & his relationship with Faith absolutely warms my heart. Ganger does a wonderful and realistic job at both character & relationship development. I definitely recommend this book & I feel that Six Goodbyes We Never Said would be a comfort read for those dealing with grief & those who are at a battle with their mental health.